I’ll confess that I got the idea for this post from the boards here. One mama posted that she didn’t know how to handle gift giving for a large extended family. I have been through this and my family came up with a pretty good solution that seems to be working.
I have three siblings, two sisters and one brother. They are all married, and there are two nephews (soon to be three) so far. My sisters live pretty far away, but usually travel here for Christmas. In the past, we all bought gifts for each other, this was pre-spouse times when it was just the siblings and our parents. Once everyone got married or had a significant other, we decided to draw a couple from a hat, so each sibling and spouse was assigned one other sibling and spouse. We set a limit of $100 and exchanged gifts on Christmas when we were all together. This worked for quite a few years, but last year I expressed that it was a lot for me to buy that extra $100 gift, especially when I really don’t know what my siblings like anymore. So, we mixed things up a bit.
Each sibling and spouse (8 of us) purchases a $25.00 gift that we wrap nicely. Then, on Christmas morning, we do a nice white elephant exchange and everyone ends up with a pretty nice, but inexpensive gift. Last year, we exchanged a salt slab for the grill, a beer rack, a set of 2 wine glasses, coffee gift certificates, and a few other things. Everyone loved it and it was so much less pressure financially and emotionally as I didn’t have to worry about giving a gift that someone wouldn’t like.
As far as the kids go, we are still doing gifts for each of them, and people are getting LeLe and Little Bug gifts, but I’ve asked that they limit gifts to books or clothes, and I’ve also said that one gift per kid is more than sufficient. I actually don’t really care if the kids get gifts at all from their aunts and uncles, and I’ve made that clear as well. I like to follow the rule of 4 for my nephews; want, need, wear, read. This makes it easy when I am gathering their gifts, and because I shop all year round for Christmas, I have a little stockpile of stuff ready for them.
In the future, depending on how many nieces and nephews there are, I can see the family limiting gifts to the kids as well, which is totally fine with me, and I am sure will be fine with my siblings as well. I like the idea of one gift per kid, but I also know that some of the aunties and uncles like to get more than one gift per kid and that is their prerogative.
I should mention that with my adult family members, which include my aunt and uncle, two cousins, grandmother and her husband, parents, and siblings, participate in a funny white elephant exchange on Christmas Eve each year. We have a $15.00 limit and gifts range from a whole chicken in a can to a coffee gift card to a mini breathalizer. This is usually really fun and people seem to enjoy it and the low limit means that nobody is having to spend too much to participate.
I know that navigating family things during the holidays is hard, and especially surrounding gift giving. What are some strategies that you and your family have put into place to avoid the stress?
pomegranate / 3272 posts
We do something similar to you but since my three brothers and I have 9 kids between us, we’ve decided to pull names for the kids in that family. You pick as many names as you have kids. So I only have to buy for 2 of my nieces/nephew. We then do a fully white elephant among my parents, siblings, and siblings in law. We’ve also done the whole chicken in a can!
nectarine / 2047 posts
We nixed the adult gift exchange with my inlaws and just gift the kiddos. DH has two sisters and each family gets one siblings kids one year and the other siblings the next year. Theres a $50 limit per family. So his sister has two kids and we only have one so we spend $50 between the two and DS gets the entire $50. It’s been working well so far.
kiwi / 538 posts
I’m looking for some! My husband has 2 brothers- 1 with 2 kids and 1 with 5. We always bought for all the kids but now it’s getting ridiculous with 2 of us having to buy 7 gifts. I want to just buy for our godchildren since we all have at least 1 in each family but I’m not sure how that’s going to go over. I just know we can’t keep doing this every year- it’s too expensive and time-consuming (we all live in different places and don’t get together at Christmas).
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
We participate in a huge family present swap previously and there was over 10 kids to buy for and each family participated. So by the end of the night, each kid had over 20 presents!! It was overwhelming and the kids tore through their gifts within 20 minutes. Why? Since there’s so many kids to buy for, we all opted to buy smaller trinket/less expensive items so we could make sure everyone got a present.
This year, we’re doing a “draw name out of a hat” so each family only has to buy ONE nice gift for ONE kid. It’ll be more memorable and less hectic with the clean up afterwards (both in wrapping paper and discarded boxes and lost toy parts).
pomelo / 5621 posts
Right now we have nothing established since there is DS and my two nieces. This year we are going to travel home for Christmas so adults aren’t exchanging gifts and just buying for the kids. My sister with no kids is opting to not buy gifts this year which is fine with me.
Growing up we had mountains of cousins. We did a draw amongst the cousins. We did this on both sides of our family. It was fun because you got to pick one present for one person. So my family would have to buy three gifts because there were three of us, but some families had one or two kids and had to buy less.