Hellobee

See if this scenario sounds at all familiar to you. Everyone looks spot on so you get into the car to head off to your photo shoot. Two minutes into the drive the baby spits up. No big deal, you can clean it up. It will dry. Then you hear the tell tale sounds of the two-year-old having a massive diaper blow out. You scream at your spouse, “Noooo, pull over we have to change him before it goes up his back.” After a 10 minute cleanup and a near miss on the clothing catastrophe, the kids are buckled and you are back on the road. Then you look back at the four year old and they have a huge orange hand print on their beautiful white Christmas dress. “Are you kidding me? Where the heck did you find old Cheetos? Oh God, how old are those?”

When you get to your photo shoot you are already defeated. The perfect family is in shambles of stains and spit up. You look at your husband and realize he hasn’t brushed his hair and you think, “Are you kidding me?” Then you look down and realize that in cleaning up all the messes from the car ride your brand new blouse is messy and wrinkled. The photographer comes out to greet you and all you can do is cry or scream at your kids who are now running in circles around your legs, nearly knocking you over.

Now maybe I am the only one but my guess is I am not the only mom who has lost her cool or hates taking family pictures because of the work it takes and how uncooperative a (insert the age of any child here) year old can be in front of a camera.

Last time I wrote about preparing for family photos. I struggle and stress about it a bit and I feel like I put a lot of pressure to get “The Perfect Picture.” Well let an old experienced mom tell you how I keep from completely losing it on my kids while taking pictures.

Come prepared for some mild clothing catastrophes

When they were young, no matter what I did my boys would spit up on their clothing, so I literally got them dressed the minute before our pictures began and if they weren’t currently in a picture they got a bib even if it was for a second. I also usually had some spare clothes. The clothes weren’t new fancy clothes that I picked out for the originals but in a picture it would be better than disgusting or destroyed. I try to not underestimate the power of my children to find messes. I also try to bring wipes, a brush, and some make up in case I need a touch up as well. I stuff my purse with all kinds of things you might need: hair ties, safety pins, pens and pencils and paper for the kids to draw on if they get bored.

Rewards (OK we all know that means bribes)

I totally bribed my kids with candy or Lego mini figures as they got older. I used stickers, small toys, or Pokemon cards.  Anything they were interested in at the time I would use to reward listening during a photo shoot. Just remember the consequences of eating candy.  If it turns their mouths colors or contains chocolate, it will set you up for more sticky clothes catastrophes. Now that my kids are a little older I don’t have to have the rewards with us at the shoot. I can tell them that we can go to their favorite restaurant for dinner or something like that, and they have a grasp of the delayed gratification that still makes it worth it to them to behave. I also don’t feel as guilty as I did when I used candy to get smiles.

I may have said that if he took the nice pictures first then he could climb the bamboo. It worked.

Accept where you are in life

Do you have really young kids? Then your picture might reflect the way your life feels. Looking back at some of my pictures now I think they are endearing. When my boys were 2 and 1 we tried taking family pictures. The ones where my husband and I are holding the kids are fine, but then the photographer was trying to take ones of just the kids and there was not a single one where my two year old wasn’t trying to jump off the platform. At the time I felt so mad because I just wanted a cute shot of my three precious boys. I kept telling him to sit down and I was getting mad at a two-year-old boy for not sitting still. Yeah, when I say it now I can tell how silly it was.

This is as good as it got that year. Three boys; one jumping the other pouting and one kind of smiling. Photo was taken by a fundraiser for my Mother of Multiples club and I don’t have the name of the photographer any more.

Now our family has entered the era of awkward smiles. Seriously why do we all have to go through these times? I can get my boys to sit still now and they will even smile, but it looks like they are being electrocuted or having a massive bowel movement.  The funny part is if I tell them they look like they are pooping I can usually get a natural smile out of them because lets face it, to an 8 year old there is not much funnier that bodily functions.

When he smiles naturally he has the most adorable smile in the world with the biggest dimple but right now he usually smiles like this.  Photo from Allison Laura Photography

If you are in a phase of life where your kids are messy, wiggly or you can’t take a moment to blow dry your own hair, own it and love it. When you are 10 years out you will look at it and laugh. Trust me it will be funny later. I know I have been there.

When they cry or throw a fit

OK so the more kids you have the more likely it is that someone will melt down and cry at any given moment. With four it is a guarantee that someone will have a ridiculous freak out about something completely unreasonable that you can’t use logic to fix. Like maybe you say the sky is blue and they started screaming and crying that it isn’t. I know you’re thinking she has to be making this stuff up. Sadly no — I wish I was. We have had all kinds of things like their button on their jeans was wrong (I never figured that one out). My daughter wanted the photographer to take a picture of her duck and not her. I gave one son the wrong colored jelly belly and it was a disaster.

This was the happiest he was the entire time. Now we laugh and say its because we made him wear a Padres shirt but he is really a Dodgers fan. Photo from Picture People

I have learned that I need to not feed into the craziness that is a child’s freak out. If I yell it makes it worse  If I try to use logic to see that their fit is unnecessary it backfires, because to them it is a very necessary fit. The only thing I have figured out is to give them a moment. Usually the photographer can work with the kids who aren’t losing their minds. Then I try to see when they are ready. I let them play  little  If you’re outside let them climb a tree or explore a bit. If you are inside take out a toy; you know there is something in your purse. There always is.

I also have some pictures when my kids were very little where the feelings of the day were quite obvious. Again, it’s all part of where you are in your life. Take deep breaths and see if they come out of it soon. Eat the candy you brought for bribes — you deserve it more anyway. Promise yourself a big glass of wine if you don’t scream at your kids on picture day.

Can you tell which kid was being held by his dad and threw himself back and head butted his mom in the face? I will give you one guess. Photo from JCPenny Studios.

Don’t lose hope for the perfect picture until you see them

Some photographers are wonderful at capturing the instant of perfection in the midst of chaos. In the picture below my kids were jumping around and going nuts. My daughter kept grabbing my boobs and telling me that my bra felt puffy like a cloud. My husband was getting fed up and the kids were kicking him in the back. But then when we see the pictures the only people that know what was happening is us and our photographer who can then pat themself on the back for catching the picture at the right moment.

Looks like we are having a nice mother-daughter hug but seconds before I was screaming stop grabbing my boob and I had to hold her arms. It is my favorite family photo of us. Photo by Allison Laura Photography.

If you don’t get that perfect picture you wanted don’t despair. Print it out and send it off in your holiday cards. Laugh at the craziness of life. Talk about how exhausting and messy life is but how you wouldn’t have it any other way because happiness can be found in those messy moments. When your kids are older you might think those little Cheeto hands prints are endearing. When you take a step back the picture with the kids crying will be adorable because it showed your life as it was.  Our life has been crazy and chaotic for the 8 years since we became parents and there are some pictures that show us exactly that. Really, what more could you ask from a photo shoot?