Hellobee

Photo taken by Baby Luxe Photography

Big P and Little P are about 21 1/2 months apart. And since the moment we started telling people we were expecting Little P, we’ve received a lot of comments and “advice” about having 2 kids under 2 (and now 2 kids less than 2 years apart). Some of that commentary was helpful, but a lot of it was frankly discouraging. The last thing I wanted to hear when I was excited about a new baby is “wow 2 under 2. You’re brave!” or worse yet, “wow I bet you didn’t plan that!” Even today we’ll have people tell us that “you’re probably struggling more because you basically have twins” (which may or may not be true – I am pretty sure when I struggle more it’s mostly because I am a type A person who feels pretty conflicted about being a full-time working mom, but that’s a different post for a different day).

Photo courtesy of c.belle photography

For those of you who may be preparing for (or even just thinking about) having 2 kids close together, I thought I would share my hopefully helpful and encouraging thoughts about having 2 kids under 2.

Photo courtesy of Amanda Leanne Scott Photography

The Good:

• There are a lot of practical benefits to having 2 kids close in age, particularly if they happen to be the same sex. My kids use a lot of the same “gear” and are on basically the same schedule, which is very nice. And despite Little B being very small for his age and Big P being quite big for his age, I often only pack 1 extra outfit in our diaper bag. We have plenty of shirts, pants, pjs, and outerwear that can fit both boys if needed, and it’s nice to not have to pack 2 separate outfits for both boys.
• They also play with the same toys and are interested in many of the same things. In fact, this year for Christmas, I was struggling with what to buy Little P since we already have so many age-appropriate toys and games for a young toddler (and for hopefully obvious reasons I don’t want to just give Big P presents at Christmas although that would make sense in terms of what we actually need and would get the most use out of). In a flash of brilliance, I realized I could just buy a toy better suited for Big P and give it to Little P instead. They’ll both play with it anyhow, and they’re still young enough that they don’t claim toys as exclusively belonging to one boy or the other (which is not to say they don’t argue/ wrestle over toys every single day).
• They will be in preschool, elementary school, middle school, and high school together at the same time. This is a huge selling point for me as Mr. P and I both work full time, so childcare is a huge expense and our time is more limited than we’d like. Having them both start full time school around the same time and at the same location is going to save us a lot of time and money. I realize this also means they’ll be in college at the same time, but hey you can’t win them all!

The Bad:

• Having 2 kids close in age can be exhausting (although I am pretty sure having 2 kids of any age is probably also exhausting). Very young kids are, understandably, very demanding and needy, which means you are always in demand and needed. I have to say though, after losing a baby to miscarriage and watching so many friends struggle with infertility and loss, I certainly wouldn’t trade being in demand and needed for the alternative.
• There have been certain stages where it has been more challenging to have 2 kids so young. Mr. P unexpectedly had to travel extensively for work last year, which meant I was a solo working parent with 2 really little kids (and unfortunately we actually chose the location of our house so that Mr. P could assume more of the caregiving duties at home, which meant I had a longer commute and didn’t get home until 6 or even later every night). That was a really tough time and unfortunately with 2 kids so little it was almost impossible, for me at least, to create the types of routines and consistency that little kids thrive on. Big P also went through quite the threenager stage right at the same time Little P became very mobile and started getting into anything and everything. That was tough, but thankfully we seem to be emerging from that very trying stage.
• When you have 2 (or more) kids so close in age, you may feel like you’ve been in a never-ending cycle of trying to conceive, being pregnant, nursing, and sleep and potty training. Depending on how your body handles pregnancy and sleep deprivation, that can be really hard. I am fortunate that my body actually seems thrive being pregnant – in my “normal” life I suffer from crippling, frequent migraines but they almost completely go away while I’m pregnant. And thankfully my kids have been pretty good sleepers, plus I seem to be able to survive on a little less sleep than some people.

The Really Good:

• My kids LOVE each other fiercely. They strongly prefer to be together and do almost everything together. In fact sometimes we have to persuade Big P that it’d be fun to do something just with Mom or Dad or his “big kid” friends. And often times he responds by simply saying “I want Little P to come too,” so we usually just take Little P with us. That is the exact family dynamic I dreamed about when I found out we’d have 2 boys so close in age, which makes it much easier to deal with the extremely demanding and needy moments.
• We have dealt with very little sibling jealousy. We started telling Big P that he was going to be a big brother when he was about 18 months old. As soon as we found out Little P was a boy, we quickly decided on a name and started referring to Little P by his name. We really had no idea how much Big P understood, but he marched into the hospital room after Little P was born, walked straight to the bassinet, and said Little P’s name (he had never said it before). Since that moment Big P has never seemed upset at having a new kid in the house. He of course gets frustrated when Little P takes his toys or steps on his head (that happens a lot), but he really does not seem to resent having to share our attention with his little brother.
• Big P calls Little P his best friend. Enough said. Also matching outfits.