Growing up, our family would unwrap our gifts on Christmas Eve after we’d gone to mass and shared a meal with some close family friends. We would take turns unwrapping things, thanking the gift giver, commenting on other gifts, explaining the thought behind what we’d purchased. My mother always let us unwrap all of the gifts, but we couldn’t play with them right away. On Christmas day, we could play with a few of the toys, but after the two or three selected toys of the day, my brother and I could only open one new toy a day. Her theory behind this was that we would appreciate each of the gifts more if we could only open one each day.
After we had kids, I explained this idea to Mr. Dolphin and he looked at me like I had just told him that we weren’t going to have Christmas. For him, Christmas was a huge free-for-all, and he and his brother tore into their presents and opened everything at once.
Despite the differences in our upbringing, I thought that Mr. Dolphin and I had agreed to let Lion unwrap all of his gifts on Christmas day, but not play with them. I remember saying, “I want him to unwrap everything, but not open them” and Mr. Dolphin agreeing. Apparently, this was not clear to Mr. Dolphin who was still confused about how a child could possibly unwrap a gift but not play with it right away. Sure enough, Lion wanted to open every single present the minute it was unwrapped. He also wanted to tell our parents how much Lion loved the new toys when we called them that evening.
I don’t necessarily think that it has to be just a single present each day, but I do agree with my mom that the kids don’t need to open or play with every single gift on Christmas day. I want them to get enjoyment out of their gifts and, let’s face it, sometimes the novelty of a new toy is part of what provides the pleasure. Why not spread that out over the days after Christmas instead of all on Christmas day itself? I also find that holidays can be a bit overstimulating, so any efforts to reduce the general activity of Christmas is nice. With so many grandparents, some of whom go overboard with the gifts (one set of grandparents sent nine presents to the boys), it seems like overkill to play with all the toys in one day.
Lion’s first Christmas resulted in way too much stuff! Mr. Dolphin and I each purchased one small gift for Lion, but with four sets of grandparents plus aunts, uncles and friends, this four-month-old ended up with so many gifts.
There are so many different approaches. I learned that one of my friends lets his child open up some of the toys, but keeps most of them in reserve, slowly doling them out over the following weeks or months. Another family I know only lets their child play with the gifts from Santa on Christmas, while the rest can only be played with after the thank you notes are written. I really like both of these approaches, too!
We’re not sure what the solution is (and we only have a few more days to figure it out), but it will probably be something in between one gift a day and carte blanche to open everything at once. I would also like to hold at least a couple of gifts in reserve for snow days or long weekends.
What is your approach to when your kids get to open up and play with their gifts?
persimmon / 1467 posts
I’m not sure how this will work going forward, but last year for my two -year-olds birthday we let him open everything and play with everything. Then after he went to bed I put some things away and left others out. Over the next few weeks I kept swapping out one new toy. We do a loose toy rotation so the concept was nothing new to him.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
I think up until age 3 or so you can distract them easily with one toy and stash away the rest (even just for later in the day). But as they get older they will probably ask for the other items. I feel like its kinda mean to say you can’t have your gift but I could see telling them to wait or to finish playing with their first toy and then we could open the next oen.
pomelo / 5866 posts
Last year I put some toys away for a few months. This year I just let her play and we open early.
blogger / apricot / 439 posts
Ha! That picture of Lion has me laughing so hard – he almost disappears among all of his gifts! And the missing sock, oh so cute!!
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@T.H.O.U.: I agree. I think it would be mean to let your child open all the gifts and then be like you can’t play with it though.
We will hide gifts if she doesn’t show interest within a couple days to save for a rainy day. But I wouldn’t take away a present from my child(ren) and say no you only get to play with one new one a day.
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@T.H.O.U.: @Smurfette: Yes, my husband thought this was kind of crazy too. But for me, it doesn’t seem crazy because this is the way I grew up. For me, this was the expectation and totally normal. I was always excited to wake up in the weeks following Christmas because I knew I got to open up a new toy each day.
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@T.H.O.U.: @Smurfette: To be clear, my mom wouldn’t take away toys that were already opened. She just wouldn’t let us open a new toy (one that hadn’t been opened) until the next day. We could play with any toys that had been opened in previous days.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@Mrs. Dolphin: Opened meaning unwrapped or out of the package?
I could see or understand if a relative mailed us a package and waiting until the dust settled from actual christmas to actually unwrap and see what it is.
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@Mrs. Starfish: Thanks! When I posted the picture on Facebook, one of my friends commented, “Love the missing sock! #BabyProblems”
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@T.H.O.U.: No, my mom let us unwrap everything. After everything was unwrapped, she would ask us which ones we wanted to open that day (usually two or three). Then after that it was one a day. It really seemed so normal to me growing up because I never knew anything different!
pomegranate / 3032 posts
I try to avoid opening presents especially if there are lots of pieces when we’re at someone else’s house (ie my aunts on christmas eve or my In-laws on christmas day) I also only let LO take 1 toy with minimal pieces with her when we go to these places to avoid confusion and/or misplacement. We purposefully set up our tree in another area of the house from her other play things and try to enforce that she keep the new christmas gifts by the tree. My husband’s family keeps the presents under the tree until Jan 6 (Little christmas) But i prefer to have all the christmas decorations and presents put away by the time i go back to work after the new year.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@Mrs. Dolphin: I guess that makes sense! It’s all about managing expectations with kids. If you set that as the expectation it’s NbD.
guest
Part of this depends on the number of gifts. In my family we would take turns handing out gifts and unwrapping gifts. We would do this before breakfast. Eats when we were done and then after breakfast spend the day enjoying the gifts.
My husband’s family had a similar system with the addition of taking turns unwrapping and opening the gift before moving on to the next one. For example, if someone got lego they might open and begin assembling right away and other people would help before moving on to the next gift. This can take ALL day! But really slows down the gift giving – and breaks are needed for meals etc. it was not uncommon for some gifts to be left over for the next day. But when they had years where they couldn’t be as generous as they are now, it made the gift exchange last longer and feel special. The family has become slightly more efficient now that people can’t necessarily stay the entire day but it still takes much longer than my family.
guest
The first time I hung with my future husbands family for Christmas presents I was gobsmacked. The did the taking turns and talking about each gift. I am a shy person and hate opening gifts in front of people/having the gifts I bought opened so it was torture. But for him it was normal and charming. Now that we have a three year old it’s probably time to decide our compromise. (I think the hashtag for that pic should be #firstgrandbaby

)
grapefruit / 4923 posts
i hadn’t considered setting limits that way, although i do see that the kid could become more engaged with a toy and get more out of it without the distraction of other toys. we only get the kids 1 gift each and a stocking stuffer, and don’t have too many relatives (and they’ve been told to just get 1 gift for each child), so i think we’ll just let the kids have at it.
nectarine / 2210 posts
This is part of the reason I like celebrating Hanukkah!
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
This would be absolute torture. I have no idea how you dealt this with as a kid. I would be miserable getting to see things but not open them OR seeing all the wrapped gifts and not getting to open them but day by day.
pomelo / 5084 posts
@brownepiano: Exactly what we do!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
This sounds so bizarre to me. I could maybe see if you didn’t unwrap some of the presents, but unwrapping them and then not being allowed to open them and play with them just seems… mean.
Last year, my kids didn’t actually get through unwrapping all their gifts on Christmas. They opened a few and then got to a gift that they just HAD TO PLAY WITH, so we ended up stopping so they could play. It took another two weeks before we got everything unwrapped! But once it was unwrapped, they most certainly could open it and play with it.
Growing up, we always took turns unwrapping our gifts so everyone could admire each gift and could thank the gifter (and if the gifter wasn’t there, my mom kept track of the gift and who it was from so we could send thank yous). And then once everyone had unwrap everything, we could play with whatever we wanted!
I plan to do the same with my kids. And toys that don’t get utilized will get donated before the next influx of toys.
persimmon / 1095 posts
That sounds really strange to me. I think all gifts should be opened on the day. We will be with our family, I cannot imagine telling them our daughter isn’t opening her gift from them. They want to see her open it! Why make a child not open their gifts when the adults get to open their gifts and use them right away? Emma will open her gifts (she’s 13 months so technically I’ll open them
) and then she’ll play with what interests her and we’ll go from there.
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@edelweiss: I think if we had less gifts, I’d be less concerned with it!
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@mediagirl: It wasn’t torture at all for me! It was exciting twice — once when I unwrapped it and got to see what it was, and then again when I got to open it. But I never knew another system growing up, so I didn’t have expectations of getting to open it right away.
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@Adira: I guess it doesn’t seem mean to me because I grew up with this system and never minded. But because I didn’t have expectations of opening everything right away, it didn’t bother me.
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@alphagam84: It might be different if we were near family, but they all live on the other side of the country. To me, it just seems kind of overwhelming to open up twenty gifts in one day, but I suppose it’s because I grew up opening one a day. The gift giver got the joy of seeing our excitement when we opened up the gifts. Honestly, I didn’t think so many people would find this so difficult because I truly didn’t mind this system. I really looked forward to getting to open up something new every day.
nectarine / 2667 posts
At first, I was also thinking that stretching it out would be torturous/bizarre, because I grew up with something similar to your husband’s “free for all”. But, I suppose if it’s all you knew, it wouldn’t really be an issue.
Personally, I don’t *want* to stretch Christmas gifts out! I’d rather get it over with in one burst and move on with our lives. From our past experiences with rationing Easter, Halloween and St. Nicolas Day candy, I feel like I’d die if we portioned presents out slowly, too. I just know my kid would A) bug us every morning/meltdown over when he could open a present B) dawdle/meltdown at dinner because he only got a short time to play with the day’s toy after daycare C) be disappointed/meltdown when the presents ran out. So, basically, my kid is the Meltdown King
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@JoyfulKiwi: I totally hear you on the meltdown! I can’t decide whether Lion would meltdown about wanting to open the toy, or whether it would provide motivation in the morning (i.e., “you can open a new toy after you get your clothes on for school). Our mornings are meltdown city!
pomelo / 5621 posts
Last year DS was 2.5 and pretty much wanted to play with each thing as he unwrapped it. He didn’t get putting it aside and opening more. DH just wanted him to unwrap everything. But we let him go at his pace, if he wanted to stop and play with something he could. We will do the same this year and follow his pace.
At the end of the day I put a few things away to pull out at a later time.
I think you have to do what feels right. You might think you’ll go a certain way, but the day of you may feel differently and that is ok.
guest
Did you only get toys for gifts? My son gets books, clothes and edibles in addition to toys, and I could imagine some pretty big disappointment if the rationed present for the day was a new shirt!
persimmon / 1129 posts
We space out Christmas in a different way. Gifts that arrive in the mail get opened the day they arrive. And we do gift exchanges with our parents and other family on days other than Christmas. (It’s the 20th and we’ve already done gifts from both sets of grandparents.) Christmas is gifts from us and Santa only. It helps it from feeling like a crazy free-for-all!
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@Abby: Clothes didn’t count, only toys! We could wear new clothes in addition to the daily toy. I loved books and the vast majority of items I asked for were books (so they did count). I never ate my Christmas candy because I didn’t like sweets, so I always ended up giving them to my brothers. I don’t remember what the rule was about edibles!
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
@My Only Sunshine: I like this idea! Christmas day can just be so overwhelming!
apricot / 370 posts
Well, that’s an interesting way of handling gifts. I strive not to be so controlling when it comes to family and holidays. It’s a work in process.