Hellobee

Mr. Dolphin and I have always been big proponents of our kids learning to share with each other. We have been very lucky with Lion because he is excellent at sharing, particularly with his little brother. Lion will often share even his most prized possessions and favorite trains with Panda, melting my heart each time I watch them interact. Occasionally, of course, Lion will declare, “That’s mine!” or “That’s all mine,” at which point we are quick to remind him that the toys, snacks, etc. are shared items. They share a room, toys, bath time, pretty much everything. Recently, they’ve even been sharing the learning tower together, standing side-by-side as we cook together or they snack. The boys are so close in age that, even with the large difference in developmental stages between an infant and a toddler, they play together really well and enjoy many of the same toys and games.

Lion loves “playing” trains with Panda, which basically means Panda tries to eat everything Lion is playing with.

As I made Christmas wishlists for the kids this year, this point was really driven home. I made one wishlist on Amazon and then put in the comments whether it was for Lion or Panda or, in the vast majority of cases, for both. There were a few items, like the code-a-pillar, that are simply too advanced for Panda to really get a lot of enjoyment out of at the moment. Eventually, though, he will want to play with these toys—and, truth be told, he’ll want to play with them now even if he doesn’t understand how these toys work, simply because he’s a curious infant. More than two-thirds of the gifts on the kids’ wishlist were joint gifts and a significant portion of those were additions to toys they already had, like new pieces for the play kitchen or accessories for the Magna-Tiles.

We purchased these Magna-Tiles compatible car chassis, which came in a set of two, so each boy can enjoy them. As I’ve mentioned before, we purchased a huge lot of Thomas and Friends trains, tracks and fixtures off Craigslist a year-and-a-half ago at a great price and have been doling them out slowly over holidays. This year, we plan to give the boys more from the collection and build a train table (which will do double duty as our coffee table) for them to play with together. Other than clothes, we didn’t purchase any gifts that aren’t intended as joint gifts for the boys.

Lion set up his chairs as the fire engine, then found a highlighter and a paper towel roll as their fire hoses. Lion loves involving Panda in imaginative play.

Items that our family members have purchased for the boys to share include wooden blocks, play food for their play kitchen, Percy and James (two Thomas related characters that Lion loves but weren’t included in the lot of a hundred or so trains we purchased) and books.

Even the items that were identified as being specifically for one child or the other will undoubtedly get play from both. One set of grandparents purchased the superhero capes and masks for Lion and when Panda gets into imaginative play, he will put them to good use. Lion will probably insist that Panda wear them whenever he does, since he always insists “Panda’s a superhero, too!” when he engages in imaginative play. Another set of grandparents purchased bath toys for Panda since he loves the bath, but Lion will certainly play with them too since they bathe together. We love encouraging them to share and play together.

Mr. Dolphin has long said that he doesn’t want there to be a set of Lion toys and a separate set of Panda toys. We don’t want to buy duplicates of everything, nor do we want squabbling over what item belongs to each child. Instead, we want almost all of their toys to be thought of as shared toys, things that they can choose to take turns with or play with together. There are some items that have small pieces where we have to tell Lion that Panda can’t have it, but we always emphasize the word yet. We tell Lion that Panda can play with it when he’s older. The one exception we have for our joint books and toys rule are for toys that Lion has earned—like the Thomas Minis he has been earning as we continue our potty training journey.

Ever since Panda learned to stand, Lion insists on sharing the learning tower with his brother. First thing in the morning, Lion wants Panda to get in his crib with him, too. They share just about everything.

At the end of the day, nearly all of the gifts we have for the boys are ones intended as shared gifts. We hope that this approach will not only encourage them to play together, but also help reduce the total consumerism of our family and all the inevitable clutter. Really, the reduced clutter is as big a gift to us as teaching our kids to share is a gift to them.