I have written in posts this month about how happy this holiday season has been for me. I truly have never experienced more joy and happiness than I have this December, my first with my baby girls.
But now that Christmas has come and gone, can I just say how tired I am? “Tired” really doesn’t do this feeling justice. I am exhausted. I am drained. I am pooped. My heart is happy, but every other part of me is completely and totally done.
Christmas Eve exhaustion. Gone are the days of a cute holiday outfit. Here are the days of wearing my undershirt for Christmas dinner because my holiday blouse has spit-up on it…
Mr. Starfish and I live in Chicago and we drove to my hometown of St. Louis for the holidays. We stayed at my mom’s house most of the stay but spent one night at my grandmother’s house in central Missouri. We left Chicago on Wednesday night 12/21 and returned the night of 12/26.
It required a lot of planning and organization to get the car packed with all of the stuff that two baby girls need for five days. I know it’s been said before, but honestly, how do such tiny people require so much stuff?? The small suitcases for Mr. Starfish and me fit neatly in our SUV, but Lilly and Audrey’s stuff filled our car all the way to the top. The packing list was extensive: pack ‘n plays as makeshift cribs, lovies, clothing and pajamas, diapers, wipes, diaper cream and powder, formula, formula water, food, spoons, bibs, burp rags, bottles, bottle brush, boppy pillows, toys, bouncy chairs, high chairs, play mat, baby shampoo and lotion, special Christmas outfits. Writing this all out, it seems like a lot of stuff but honestly if I had to do it again, I would bring all of it again. We used every last thing that we packed!
We timed our drives both ways to coincide with the girls’ nighttime sleep. They usually go to sleep at 6:30PM and we did bedtime routine as normal and then packed them into their carseats in their regular fleece footie pajamas. We were lucky that they slept uninterrupted on both drives, but this schedule also meant that Mr. Starfish and I got little sleep on those nights. When we arrived at our destination, we had prep work to put the girls’ things out for the next morning and prepare for their next day. This meant we didn’t get to sleep until around midnight, groggily stumbling awake at 6:30 in the morning when the girls were ready to start their days.
The girls had so many visitors and attention while we were in Missouri, but I naively thought that having so many people around would mean that I would catch a break in baby duty. I was so wrong. While this might be true in coming years as the girls get older, I simply didn’t realize that people tend to shy away from baby tasks. While I found that family loved to coo and socialize with the babies, most were intimidated by feedings or helping with bedtime or diapers. Thinking about it now, it makes so much sense to me that people would respect our babies’ routine and our ways of doing things and thus stay out of our way when it came to those tasks, but I wrongly set expectations for myself before the trip and so I became overwhelmed when it all came down to me. This was made worse because Mr. Starfish almost immediately went into mental “vacation” mode and checked out a great deal. I got increasingly frustrated without really realizing where my frustration was coming from, which made for a poor parenting partnership. Thankfully, we checked ourselves on this by the second day.
This holiday also was somewhat bittersweet for many of my family members. My mom lost her mom only a month ago and while she was so happy to celebrate Christmas with her new granddaughters, there also was an understandable sadness to her holiday. Meanwhile, my dad couldn’t be with all of us due to travel issues and my sister is in the midst of a very stressful PhD internship interviewing process. The problem was that I was caring for two needy and loud babies and so I wasn’t able to have the quiet and supportive conversations with these family members that I felt they deserved. This weighed on me a great deal, probably more than I realized at the time.
I could end this post by saying, “All of this exhaustion doesn’t compare to the magic and joy and love of looking at my babies’ eyes on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning!”
But I’m not going to do that to you. While Christmas really was great this year, here’s the truth that I’m feeling right this second. Magic was watching our nanny walk in this morning to take over a day with the girls. Joy was settling in to my desk at work this morning surrounded by pure silence and calm and drinking two uninterrupted cups of coffee. Love is having the time today in my work day to recharge my mommy batteries so that I can walk in to our house tonight ready to tackle Christmas thank you notes, the disassembly of holiday decorations, and re-establishing our regular family routine.
Anyone else out there feeling holiday fatigue?
guest
Mrs. Starfish, I could have written this post and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the honesty. We didn’t travel but hosted both sets of family. And my husband tends to do the same “mental check-out” and parenting duties fall to mommy until he realizes it! The last paragraph is seriously PERFECT! And as you know my kiddies are a bit older but still in very needy stages of life. I don’t want to rush it away because they are adorable and such a gift but the holidays are quite a mixed bag of emotions!
nectarine / 2987 posts
This year we have a 1.5yo and a 3.5yo and they are finally old enough and my husband finally has enough practice/reminders about not checking out that the holiday was less exhausting. I think next year will be even better!
nectarine / 2317 posts
God yes! DH went back to work and I’m alone with DD today and tomorrow. I’m super exhausted and can’t wait until daycare reopens.
clementine / 849 posts
We also travel back to the st Louis suburbs for the holidays (Wentzville and St. Peters) – except we come from KC. I get it. It’s awful.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
YES! My mom has watched our kids enough at this point that she’s always willing to jump in and help out as needed, but it’s a TON of work caring for kids, especially when you’re not in their normal safe environment and you have to keep an eye on them every second! It gets a little easier as they get older and you don’t have to worry as much about them falling down the stairs or something.
Hubs and I actually both took yesterday off from work and sent the kids to daycare so we’d have a day to relax from out holiday vacation!
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
Our families became more helpful in the toddler years than the infant years. Our families LOVED playing with Lion when they visited/we visited them over the last year (playing, talking with, reading with, etc.) but weren’t quite as sure about how to play with Panda other than to smile, hug and coo. Totally with you on going to work to recharge
persimmon / 1310 posts
@Adira: That’s a brilliant idea!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Iced Tea: I highly recommend it!
guest
Ha, I love that you give people more credit than I would that they’re respecting routines
In my experience, there are some (ie, my mom) who will jump in to help with baby logistic tasks, and everyone else just wants the cute/fun parts. I found this while on maternity leaves as well and it has held true for holidays/trips. I don’t expect anyone to take care of my kids for me, but I always hold out a little hope that (especially for people like me who don’t live near family for the occasional babysitting) when I’m visiting family I’ll get a little break!
GOLD / nectarine / 2884 posts
This is the first year the fatigue feels manageable and it is because we “boundaried up” this year with all our family. We also planned meticulously , tried to factor in as much outdoor and active time as possible, worked date nights into our holiday obligation schedule, and tried to eat better than we have in previous years. I also ditched a lot of my previous holiday tasks, like crafting or making gifts. And my husband took a day off in the middle of December when my work schedule was insane, our kids were sick, and Christmas obligations were drowning me!
pomelo / 5621 posts
Holiday exhaustion is real. This is the first year traveling at Christmas and DH is 3.5. While everyone is helpful it is still tiring. Everyone’s routines are out the window. And we don’t go home until the new year.
I banned visiting today so we could all relax as much as possible with 3 young kids around.
cherry / 108 posts
I am so relieved to see I’m not the only one who felt more exhausted from the “holidays” than if
Or rather trying to. Back at work and still solo caring most days 
I would have just worked. I was solo caring for my 3.5 and 1 year old three out of the five days i was off while hubby worked. I’m still recovering
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
Oh yes. We’re still in the midst of family being here and it has me mentally and physically drained. I really thought family would be more willing to jump in, but I’ve found the opposite for me – while parents/ILs would gladly help when my kiddo was a baby, now that he is a toddler with a voice/opinion, they are put off if he doesn’t do what they want him to do so there is very little support because ‘he doesn’t want my help, he wants yours.’
All this to say – thank you. This is SO true and I only have one kid! More power to you!
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
We felt like that this Christmas. It was great, and we loved it but it felt so busy leading up to Christmas and the holiday travel, seeing everyone, etc. was just exhausting. This year, driving home for Christmas, we decided that every third year, we will go on a family vacation instead of doing all the Christmas gathering insanity.
guest
All I can say is I FEEL YOU!! I think every parent has to have this experience to realize – wow that was totally NOT fun, the opposite of what we intended. There are things we did with our first, and yeah we proved we could do it, visit multiple different family members or go out of town on three weekends in a row over the summer. But then we learn actually not fun. Accomplished, proven yes, but net result not fun. But we also realized it is one of those things we really had to learn for ourselves.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
Yeah, for most people traveling with small kids is a nightmare and if you’re lucky you have family that not only helps out but also understands when it is just too much and you have to stay home. My youngest is 7 months and I am counting down the days until we can travel again because I really miss it! But not willing to torture our whole family so we can make Christmas dinner and chase after our cranky exhausted kids in an unchildproofed house while everyone watches, laughs and exhausts us with advice instead of helping.