Hellobee

I have started to reflect on 2016…the goals I started the year with, what I have accomplished, and which goals have shifted or are no longer relevant. Then I began to form my goals for the new year and put them all into a vision board that I can reference throughout the year. It’s a tradition my BFFs and I started a couple of years ago, and it has been so helpful for putting my life goals into words and making them concrete, which helps me to get closer to achieving them.

I don’t intend to talk about all of my personal goals here, but I thought it would be a good place to discuss my parenting and marriage related goals for 2016 and 2017.

2016 Parenting Goals

1. Be in the moment and enjoy family time.
2. Be on my phone less when with Little Cotton Candy.
3. Get Little Cotton Candy potty trained.

So how did I do?

1. As for goal #1, I feel good with my progress. I use some of my anxiety-reducing tricks to help keep me in a relaxed frame of mind and to help me enjoy the moment I’m in. I make it a goal to play one-on-one with Little Cotton Candy every day, when I have time. If he asks me directly to play with him, I always try to say yes, unless I am cooking dinner or doing something else I can’t put aside and come back to later.
2. Goal #2 ties in with #1. I have had varying degrees of success in putting my phone down over the past year. I do better when I set specific guidelines, like “no phones before school drop-off” and “no phones at the dinner table.” I am going to continue working on this goal in 2017.
3. I would say we are at 90% success on the potty-training front. Little Cotton Candy is day trained, although he will not go in any toilet except for the ones at home and at his preschool. This means I schlep around his training potty in my car in case of emergencies. He’s also still wearing pull-ups at night, though he is often dry in the morning. Potty training has been very difficult for us, so I’m taking my wins where I can; hopefully in 2017 we’ll see more progress, but I’m not pushing him at this point.

2017 Parenting Goals

1. Continue to be in the moment and be on my phone less.
2. Work on talking about feelings and empathy with Little Cotton Candy. I can’t begin to tell you how much talking about feelings with Little Cotton Candy has helped me to connect with him and feel like we are making breakthroughs in behavior and discipline. It’s important to me to do this emotional work with him because it makes me feel like I am really having an impact on the person he will become. I want to become even more patient and empathetic toward his feelings, which I hope in turn will help him to grow emotionally and relate to others.
3. Do volunteer work as a family. Ideally, I would love to find an organization through which we can volunteer on a regular basis, maybe monthly. It can be difficult to find volunteer opportunities for young children, but I am determined to search until I find some.
4. TTC baby #2. Self-explanatory.
5. Let go of parenting expectations that are not helpful. I had a revelation (thanks to my therapist) when it comes to our struggles with Little Cotton Candy going to sleep on his own: maybe he just needs the comforting closeness of a parent to go to sleep right now. And (here’s the revelation): maybe that is okay. Letting go of the idea that my kid needs to fall asleep on his own every night was the single biggest revelation I had this year, and it has been freeing and life-changing. Now I actually enjoy the times when I am lying next to him and listening to him talk about the day, or singing silly songs with him. (Well, most of the time. Sometimes it is still frustrating when he is all keyed up and just won’t freaking go to sleep.) In 2017, I’d like to trust my parenting instincts more and more, and continue building confidence as a mom.

I didn’t have any concrete marriage goals for 2016, just the vague concept of spending more one-on-one time with Mr. Cotton Candy. For 2017, I wanted to focus on some tangible things that will strengthen our relationship.

2017 Marriage Goals

1. Go on monthly date nights. This shouldn’t be too difficult as my mom and brothers live near us and can definitely hook us up with free babysitting. It’s just a matter of planning things ahead of time.
2. Use active constructive responses. This article from The Atlantic has some great scientific insights about what makes good, lasting long-term relationships. The concepts of kindness, turning toward your partner and giving active constructive responses when they engage you are so simple yet powerful. I want to work on putting these ideas into action in a mindful way.

Okay, now I want to know all about your goals for the year 2017. What kinds of things are you working on? Do you do anything special to help yourself focus on goals for the new year?