I sometimes find myself in a struggle between my Type-A self, who wants to have every decision made and planned and ideally crossed off a to-do list, and my realistic self who is a bit (okay, maybe a lot) tired, feeling pulled in numerous directions, and incapable of keeping anything straight in my mind for more than a few minutes.
I know the idea of “mommy brain” is contentious — really, for me, it’s probably more like “sleep deprived brain” or “have had a lot more responsibilities heaped on my plate in the last several years brain,” or even “tasked with the care and control of a small child who is intent on being risky brain.” Whatever you want to call it, it boils down to this: if I don’t write things down they don’t get done. It’s a bit better now that I’m on maternity leave, but I still have to keep track of things like doctor’s appointments and bills.
When I’m working, my job involves a lot of rolling deadlines and a lot of tasks. Keeping track of my life in that regard starts with scheduling all of that out. I make a paper list in a notebook every Monday, when I find out what I’m up to that week — then I transfer any events and to-dos onto the calendar and reminder apps in my phone. Tasks that will put me away from home on evenings and weekends are coded to also appear in Mac Daddy’s schedule; the rest are there as a reminder for me during work hours.
Working or not, if I open the mail and get a bill, it also goes on the joint calendar. If we have a dinner invite, house guests, or anything else that makes our day deviate from the standard work/preschool/home for the evening schedule, it goes in the calendar. Classes, activities, appointments — calendar.
Laundry day — maybe not on the calendar!
We’ve lobbed the taskmaster role back and forth a few times — Mac Daddy used to run it on an actual paper calendar a few years ago — but it’s in my domain right now.
Sometimes I feel like the begrudging default adult when I’m doing this scheduling, and sometimes I bristle and rail against the injustice of being The One Who Holds the Calendar, but I’ve seen what happens when our lives aren’t tasked out like this — missed vaccination appointments, people showing up at the clinic an hour early because we couldn’t remember when the doctor’s appointment was, both of us showing up for preschool pickup at the same time wondering who is actually supposed to be there.
Mac Daddy also works a job with rotating deadlines, and he’s newer at his role than I am at mine. He’s still getting into his own system of tracking what he has to do and when, so it’s frankly easier for me to schedule the rest of it. And it scratches that itch of mine that makes me wake up at 3 a.m. wondering how much the water bill was, and if we paid it.
How do you keep your family on track — or do you not worry about it?
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
I am a big proponent of routines, and in our family, I am the taskmaster general, because bless my husband, we’d be a mess if it were up to him. I manage all our finances, all kid appointments get a calendar invite for me and my husband, and I have a white board on our fridge that has notes for what we’re eating on each day, appointments, who might be home late or leaving early, etc. We have a pretty consistent routine so it sounds more overwhelming than it actually is, but this is a big part of what I do in our family just because my brain works that way.
blogger / clementine / 985 posts
@Mrs. Carrot: I just ordered four whiteboard decals last week!
pomelo / 5621 posts
I’ve started better using the calendar in my phone. Now my appointments are easier to keep track of.
I’d like to get a whiteboard and organization in my mainstay room. Then I could write out the meal plan, anything important for the week and organize the bills all in one spot for both of us.
guest
My husband and I live and swear by shared calendars on our phones. We use an app called WeekCal. I’m obsessed! I can color code – use emoji’s for different types of activities (i.e. soccer ball for soccer game) and it is so easy to see an entire month’s agenda all at once. EVERYTHING goes in to my phone calendar and it is backed up on icloud. I have two calendars, one that is shared with my husband and one that isn’t because I even put playdates or ideas of activities to do with the kids on the calendar I don’t share with him. He doesn’t need to see all those things because they don’t involve him but most things go on the shared calendar. We also use Mint.com for financing and put as many bills on autopay as we can.