Hellobee

Although they say every pregnancy is different, my two experiences were actually remarkably similar with the exceptions of morning sickness (none of with my first pregnancy, but fairly significant morning sickness for the first twenty weeks of my second pregnancy) and weight gain (about 40 pounds with my first, less than 25 with my second). Otherwise, I was one of those lucky women who loves being pregnant. I feel great, have more energy and really enjoy pregnancy (though the bed rest, not so much). Postpartum, though, my experiences differed significantly and I had a much easier time with my second baby. Some of the differences can be attributed to having a very easy-going second child, others seem totally random.

General physical ailments. Although I thought I felt reasonably well after having Lion, I did have a few significant issues, some of which lasted for two months or more. I didn’t know it at the time, but after complaining to my OB/GYN at my postpartum checkup about significant pain in my tailbone, he told me I likely fractured it during delivery. I also ended up having an episiotomy with Lion, my only regret from what was otherwise the unmedicated childbirth that I wanted. I regretted almost instantly not pushing back against the episiotomy and continued to wish that I hadn’t had one for months afterward because of the discomfort I felt afterward.

The second time around, my labor was much shorter and easier. I again had an unmedicated birth with much less pain because I didn’t have back labor. The pushing phase was remarkably quick and while I had some tearing, I avoided the episiotomy. I didn’t fracture a tailbone and had much more energy after giving birth with Panda, so the overall recovery went much more smoothly. I didn’t take any ibuprofen after leaving the hospital because, frankly, I didn’t need it.

Baby Blues. I had a bit of a tough time after having Lion. I wasn’t prepared for the baby blues, despite being warned by my OB/GYN that most patients do have some degree of baby blues. I didn’t bond right away with Lion and worried that I didn’t love him enough. I sat on the floor of our living room and cried when I worried about my difficulties breastfeeding our newborn. Eventually, the baby blues subsided and I started bonding with Lion.

The second time around, I instantly loved Panda, perhaps because I already had forged a mother-child bond with Lion. I didn’t have any baby blues and was just . . . happy. Panda was an easy baby who slept for long stretches of time immediately and slept so much throughout the day that I was able to get a significant amount of work done during my maternity leave. When I went for my postpartum appointment with my OB/GYN, he asked how I was doing, then stopped himself and said, “Actually, I can tell just by looking at you that you’re doing great. You’re so happy!”

Newborn Bonding. As I said in this post, I worried that I didn’t love Lion enough. I didn’t feel an instant connection with him the way that some mothers do. I felt obligation and interest but wasn’t sure that I loved him. Our relationship took time and while my love for him grew over time and I love him fiercely now, there was very little bonding initially.

With Panda, I felt an instant maternal connection to him, perhaps because I already had a mother-son bond with Lion. It’s funny because I fully expected that the relationship would take time, but I was so happy and connected from his birth.

Breastfeeding. Lion lost more than 10 percent of his birth weight in the first three days of his life because I didn’t produce enough breast milk. We ended up having to supplement with formula and I didn’t enjoy breastfeeding. I only pumped for two weeks after returning to work, meaning that I only breastfed for eight total weeks. Pumping felt like a huge chore and my office was poorly set up for it. Breastfeeding was very difficult and, in fact, very painful for the first week. While it got better over time, I felt frustrated by how little I produced. Whenever I pumped, I was only able to produce between 10ml to 40ml each session, not even enough for half a feeding.

With Panda, I took a much more relaxed approach to breastfeeding. We supplemented with formula immediately after birth when Panda, a preemie, failed his blood sugar test. After a day, the same shooting pain that happened with Lion occurred and the lactation specialist suggested that I stop breastfeeding on that side until it got better. Instead, I used a hospital grade pump while in the hospital, an option that wasn’t offered to me when I had Lion. We ended up continuing to supplement while in the hospital and my own views about breastfeeding were much more positive, likely because I felt more relaxed. I also produced much more, often pumping 60ml (2oz) at a time, but up to 90ml for a good session. In between giving birth to the two kids, I had switched offices at work to one with a smaller window and was able to hang a curtain for pumping and was able to pump until Panda was 14 weeks old. After I stopped pumping, I continued to breastfeed Panda when I was home for another two weeks until I dried up.

Weight Loss. Weight loss took much longer the first time around, probably owing to the fact that I gained much more weight while pregnant with Lion. I wore yoga pants for the first several weeks postpartum. I dropped about 30 pounds by three months postpartum, but it took another three months to drop the remaining 10 pounds.

The second time around, I was back in my jeans after a week and in my regular work clothes by three weeks postpartum. At a doctor’s appointment four weeks postpartum, I had lost all but about five pounds. I ended up dropping all the weight I’d gained during my second pregnancy by the time Panda turned twelve weeks.

Hair Loss. One of the big postpartum surprises after I had Lion was the massive hair loss I experienced. I shed for months after giving birth and we would find my hair covering every inch of the house whenever we swept and cleaned. Most noticeably, I lost a significant amount of hair on my hairline. Then, about four months later, the hair I’d lost along my hairline started regrowing and I looked ridiculous with inch-long hair standing straight up. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to get my hair back, but I looked crazy for months afterward.

The second time, I was totally prepared to lose hair again and (hopefully) go through the crazy re-growth stage. Of course, after having Panda, I didn’t experience any hair loss!

Exhaustion. I was exhausted after having Lion. I couldn’t wait for Mr. Dolphin to return home from work each day that I was on maternity leave so I could have some time to myself to shower and get a second set of hands to help. I fell asleep ridiculously early in the evenings because Lion woke up every three hours for months. I napped at least once every day during maternity leave, often with Lion in my arms since he usually refused to nap unless he was on top of me.

With Panda, I fully expected to be even more tired since I had a toddler to chase around, too. Surprisingly, I found myself with quite a bit of energy. I happily took all the night feedings because by three weeks, Panda was sleeping at least eight hours at a time. He napped well in his bassinet during the day and I found I had a lot of time to get things done since he slept more than twenty hours a day for the first two months of his life. Lion took such an interest in his younger brother that I actually found parenting two kids to be less tiring than when I had just one.

Readiness to Return to Work. With Lion, I was eager to get back to work. I worried about taking time off within my first year of working at the organization. Lion was colicky and would only nap if I held him in my arms. He wanted to be carried upright most of the day and was just generally exhausting. I was definitely ready to go back to work, though my worries were eased by the fact that Mr. Dolphin was beginning ten weeks of paternity leave so I knew Lion was in good hands.

The second time around, I was a little bit sad to be returning to work so soon, even though I took the same amount of time off—just six weeks. I actually went back to work even sooner, since three weeks postpartum, I had to attend a board meeting at work because my boss had a doctor’s appointment she couldn’t get out of. Then, four weeks postpartum, I worked almost full-time from home due to a big event that I coordinate every year taking place that week. When I returned full-time, in part because a spot opened up at our daycare and in part because my boss was set to undergo major surgery, I was a little sad to be losing my daily time with Panda. Of course, the fact that Panda was an easier baby and that I wasn’t as worried about taking time off from work (because I was actually doing significant work from home and because I had been at my organization for a longer period of time by then) probably contributed.

Daycare. I cried the first time we dropped Lion off at daycare. I worried about him all day and counted down the minutes until we went back to pick him up. Of course, that daycare ended up being not a great fit since he was kicked out soon afterward, so perhaps I had good reason to worry!

We were lucky enough to get a spot in Lion’s daycare soon after Panda’s birth. We love that daycare and knew the teachers, so I wasn’t worried about dropping Panda off. I knew that Panda was still sleeping for almost twenty hours a day and while I was sad to go back to work, I was confident that this daycare would meet all of his needs and take care of him well.