Hellobee

Two and a half years ago, I gave birth to our sweet Graham Man when our twins were 22-months old. Then you pretty much didn’t hear from me for a year or so. Time to blog was non-existent.

So, for the approximately 3.2 people reading this who have or will ever have three kids under two, or for those of you who just want a peek into The House Where Crazy Lives, get some popcorn, pull up a chair and let’s catch up. (Disclaimer:  I cannot vouch for the factual accuracy of this post as the entire first year of Graham’s life is one big blur. I’m guessing it is accurate-ish.)

My squishy little one-year olds meeting their baby brother. One was less than impressed and we had to distract him with a phone and toy just to get him within 3 feet of the baby.  

Best things about three so close in age?

My boys fight and fuss just like any siblings, but they already have soooo much fun together. Because they are so close in age, they all enjoy the same types of events, activities, and toys. It’s really fun to watch Elliot and Finn with Graham. They have no memory of life before “Baby Gam,” and they think he’s sort of like an adorable puppy that follows you around and occasionally chews your favorite toys.  s he gets older and bigger (he now weighs about as much as one twin and is only a 3 pounds less than the other–he’s a giant), they sometimes get upset when he plays too rough or sits on them and won’t get up (yes, that’s a thing). The older he gets, however, the more they actually play together, too, and the big boys love teaching him new things and helping him with things he can’t quite do by himself yet. It’s fun to see real friendships beginning among the three of them. While I know they will always have sibling ups and downs, I hope these early friendships bloom into deep friendships that will last a lifetime.

What were the first few weeks like?

CHAOS. Sleepless chaos. G-man loves his some Mama and was a nursing addict who rejected all bottles from the beginning and insisted on waking up oh-so-many times a night from the time he was born until I started weaning him around 12 months.

The early days were rough on so many levels. I was post c-section, nursing, balancing the needs of a newborn with twin one-year-olds who still had trouble communicating, Mr. Blue was in a crazy busy time at work, and my mom (who would have happily stayed with us off and on for a few weeks) developed an ear condition that made her have extreme vertigo anytime she bent over, so her doctor advised against driving, picking up the kids, etc. It was kind of a perfect storm. In addition, one of my little guys had a really hard time adjusting to being a big brother and both acted out far more than normal for about 6-8 weeks.

At 3 & 1 yrs old.  I still look a little tired, but life was so much easier at this point and it kept getting easier all the time. 

When did it start getting “easier”?

The first “break” was around 3 months when the twins had settled into their new lives more and I was feeling more like myself physically. As it warmed up, it really helped to be able to go do things like play in the park or go to the pool, too. Graham was a trooper and just rolled with whatever were doing and where ever we were, which was so helpful. When the twins were 2 1/2 and Graham was about 9 months old, life felt so much easier in general. The twins ability to communicate their needs or frustrations was better, they were more capable of doing many things for themselves or performing small helpful tasks for me, and they developed an interest and attention span for projects and activities, which made life more fun for all of us.

On the practical side, how did we manage ________?

Bedtimes, together and solo?  Whether we were both home or solo, we pretty much always did bath (once G was old enough to be in the tub with the bigs), pajamas, teeth brushing, etc. for everyone at the same time. If we were both home, DH would read stories to the twins and put them to bed, while I nursed Graham and put him to bed. I was on my own fairly often in that period of our life, which made bedtimes a little trickier, but we made it work. I would still get everyone ready at the same time. Depending on how tired Graham was, I would either (1) let the twins watch a short TV show while I nursed and put Graham to bed, or (2) read to the twins while Graham sat with us or played on the floor, put them to bed, and then nursed and put Graham to bed.

Go anywhere by yourself with all three kids? A stroller that could hold them all was a huge lifesaver. Huge. Sometimes, I would wear Graham and put the twins in the stroller or shopping cart if we were at the store. I worked really hard on training the twins as early as possible to hold a hand (whether it was mine or each others, and then I could make sure I had at least one hand when we crossed streets, parking lots, etc. When getting in and out of the car in parking lots, I put everyone in the car first. Then I put Graham in, and then buckled in the twins. When getting out of the car, I unbuckled the kid that was on my side of the car, carried them around to the other door and sat that kid down inside the car while I unbuckled the other two. That kept everyone contained in the car while we were loading/unloading in parking lots.

Taking care of a newborn and the needs of toddlers? Honestly, as with any family of more than one kid, you learn to triage the needs, and address the most critical one first. Sometimes that means that a kid really does need you or your help and they have to wait a few minutes. It’s not fun for anyone, but it’s the early lessons in learning empathy, that the world does not revolve around one person or their needs, and when you’re part of a team, you help the person who’s most in need first. Sometimes that meant a toddler had to wait for the glass of milk they wanted while I finished nursing. Sometimes Graham had to cry and wait to be fed because I was helping one of the twins on the potty.

What is the best advice for parents preparing to have three under two?

Drink lots of coffee and wine and don’t be embarrassed to cry in the shower?? I kid, I kid. Sort of.

As far as practical things, hands down buy a stroller that can contain all three kids. When G was little, I wore him in a carrier some so I could hold both twins hands, but it was challenging when G was asleep and I had to take him out of the car seat and put him in the carrier and he didn’t love being worn when he was awake. Eventually, I found the perfect stroller for us; it was an inexpensive godsend. Graham’s car seat could be attached and a twin could ride while one walked beside me. Even better was when I could put Graham in the front seat because then one twin could sit on the bench and one could stand on the platform on the back—three contained kids for entering and exiting places is amazing.

Would we do it again/recommend that spacing?

The timing of Graham’s birth wasn’t exactly as we planned, but we always knew we wanted at least three kids. The first year was such a haze of crazy. Now that Graham is almost 2 1/2, I look at him and think, “I cannot believe the twins were 8 months younger when we had a baby!” It seems insane to me, but in that first year, it was just life. Yes, I was tired and sometimes overwhelmed, but what mama doesn’t feel that way fairly often? People always ask how we survived twins or how we survived three under two, but the truth is there isn’t a “how we did it.” It’s just reality, you figure out how to make it work, and it becomes your own version of “normal.” While in hindsight, I can see why I almost lost my mind that year, at the time, it mostly seemed pretty okay. Sure, I avoided taking all three to the grocery store (there is literally no room for food when you have three kids in a grocery cart, and even less room for sanity in that situation), but we just made adjustments and kept taking it one day at a time. I can’t say I would recommend or choose to live through the first year of that sibling spacing again, but now that they are getting older, I kind of love it. They are into so many of the same things, they all can wear the same size of clothes, and they have so. much. fun. I also love to think about how much fun they are likely to have as adults. They will all be so close in age, will be in college at the same time for 2 years, and are more likely (no guarantee, though!) that they will get married and have families withing a few years of each other. When we have days that feel chaotic, I just think about someday when our four kids (baby sister is due in 2 months) are grown and come back home with their families. I know with all those kids and grandkids it’s going to be the most chaotic time, but I also know that at that point, I will love and welcome the sounds of a houseful of laughter, teasing, & memories as I watch my crazy crew together. So, as it turns out, it’s quite possible I’m the luckiest mom in the world.

If you have questions I didn’t address, let me know and I’m happy to answer them. The most important take away I can give you is to know that there will be days that you feel like you aren’t going to make it, but keep taking one minute at a time and before you know it you’ll think how much easier your life is now (although everyone else will still look at you like you’re crazy and wonder how you survive). Three under two is a small club, but it has some really, really wonderful moments. In twenty years, you’ll remember those moments as some of the best in your whole life and you’ll laugh about the chaos and shenanigans that filled the time between those wonderful moments. At least, that’s what I tell myself!