One huge adjustment we’ve had (besides living with another family) is that I became a full stay at home mom. It wasn’t really my decision – I was working for a family business that changed over ownership to another family. For the past 5 years, I had been a WAHM and I loved it! True, you never seem to be able to successfully separate work and family life. But I was able to watch Baby Pencil grow up and still make income at the same time. I loved having the flexible work schedule so I could arrange my meetings during nap time. I felt incredibly distracted at times, being able to hear the coos and babbling going on in the next room, but I eventually learned to block it out and concentrate on my meetings. Now that it’s been about 6 months as a SAHM, I think I’ve fully embraced this life change.

Here were some advantages for me going from being a WAHM to a SAHM!

  • Undivided attention to the family
  • A full day to run errands and plan my routine (less project management)
  • No need to hire a nanny or find a caretaker (this was particularly hard for me in the beginning because I had major trust issues!). This actually takes up a lot of mental work and logistics. I typically had to coordinate weekly hours with my nanny because I hired her part-time, and there was nanny payment and time-off requests to juggle on top of my regular job. Plus I prepared easier meals for her to feed Baby Pencil, had to ask questions about the day and of course accommodate to having a “guest” over. (Don’t want to leave all my underwear out or something!)
  • Ability to focus on meal planning and house cleaning without holding as much of a grudge to the hubby
  • Able to attend any school functions or parties during the day
  • I can get pregnant and not have to worry about missing work or how much maternity leave to take off!
  • Obviously… endless time with my kid!

There are of course some downfalls as well:

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  • Mom guilt… Can we ever escape this? I feel like now I don’t have an excuse to not have the perfect house or plan the perfect meals
  • More pressure in raising my kid to the best of my ability
  • One less income means a huge adjustment in our finances. I can no longer spend nearly as much as I did before! I feel that tight budget at the end of each month!
  • Coming off of working, I can’t help feeling a little insecure. I feel as though maybe I’m not as sharp as I could be if I were working in a corporate setting. I worry about having a huge blank spot in my resume and wondering whether I will be able to pick up as soon as I am ready to get back to work. No use worrying about it now! But it’s always in the back of my mind.

I think being a SAHM has come with more respect over the past few years. I know tons of SAHM’s and a lot of them are my heroes! It’s not the same as it was in the 80’s, where it was normal for kids to play freely with little supervision. Parenting is a more demanding job these days where you get very little affirmation that you’re doing a great job. I feel like I’m in a constant gray state of limbo and always wonder, “could I do more? Is this enough?”

I’m usually a confident person, but even I struggle with this SAHM mentality. I feel guilty binge watching shows because maybe I should be doing something more productive. But is it possible to be doing something efficient every minute of the day? I also feel guilty not providing any income to the family and am always tempted to apply for jobs. (Maybe if I pulled in a little extra income, I could buy some fancy coffee!)

My full-time working mommy friends who have to drive to work seem to have it rough as well. Not only do they have to find a good daycare for their kids to stay for 8+ hours a day, but when their kids get sick they are in a pickle! It seems like you need a back up nanny as well as a daycare, and there are only so many sick days parents have to rotate.

Our lives as working/non-working moms in the US is imperfect. It may just be in my region (Los Angeles area) but I’m glad that for the most part, moms get support no matter what kind of mom you are. It’s all hard! My life is going to change drastically with Baby #2 on the way. But I have to constantly tell myself, this is just my season in life right now.

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How has your life changed going from being a working mom to a SAHM or vice versa?