Hellobee

Thirteen months. Let me tell you, I am not a fan.

I don’t know exactly what happened to our girls at 13 months but it was something awful.

Lilly of course hit 13 months first. She screamed pretty much from the minute she woke up in the morning until the minute she went to sleep. In fact, sleep seemed to be about the only thing that calmed her down at all. That, and being held constantly. Her tantrums were intense, with her entire little body shaking, and she turned an alarming shade of red as she started to sweat.

She was so inconsolable and unpleasant that she nearly ruined her sister’s birthday! Audrey hit her 1-year celebration the very week that Lilly hit the worst of her 13 month thing. Lilly threw such a large and long tantrum that the girls were unable to enjoy their celebratory adventure to the local play area and missed out on a birthday lunch in a special restaurant because Lilly insisted on screaming throughout the entire day. Well, not quite the entire day. She did stop crying long enough to eat a portion of Audrey’s birthday cake pop that evening!

Lilly on the right in the midst of a 13-month tantrum. Audrey on the left ignoring the drama.

We thought maybe Lilly was teething. But we could find no budding teeth.

We thought maybe Lilly was tired or sick. But her mood did not improve even after the longest of naps and sleeps.

I visited my ob-gyn for my first annual check-up post-birth just as Lilly was going through this. She asked how the baby was doing. As I grimaced and explained that she screamed all day long, she cocked her head to the side and said, “Um, I don’t think that’s so normal.”

Sigh.

The most frustrating thing about 13 months for me was that I couldn’t find any friends or family or blogs or advice columns that said that this was a typically difficult age. Even our nanny, who is about as qualified and experienced as they come, was getting concerned. This just didn’t seem normal.

And so then I really started to panic. We took Lilly to the pediatrician and she became so irate that the doctor couldn’t even examine her. She held on to my chest as tightly as she could, and again that little body shook so violently with fear or frustration that I nearly broke down in tears myself. Over her shrieks I yelled to the doctor, “What is this? Please, what is going on with my child?” The doctor had no answers. Through Lilly’s loud and unceasing screaming, all I could hear was that she was at one of the worst ages for stranger anxiety. “It should get better,” the doctor said, “and if it gets worse or stays the same over the next month, give us a call.”

So we waited. And I continued to panic. The worst of my googling led me to debilitating social disorders. The best of my googling led me to highly sensitive and “spirited” children. I purchased the book Raising Your Spirited Child and hoped to learn more.

And, wouldn’t you know it, as I made my way through the book, Lilly slowly came out of it.

Back was my sassy little girl playing peek-a-boo. Back was my curious little peanut giving me the widest grins as she stood in the middle of our kitchen. Back was the silly toddler giggling as she stuck her finger in her sister’s ear.

But with twinblings born 5 weeks apart, shortly after Lilly came out of it, Audrey entered it. And almost right on schedule, Audrey hit her own 13 month thing.

Audrey’s so different than Lilly and so her 13 month thing looks and feels different to us. She is generally more calm and quiet than her sister, but she definitely isn’t acting like herself right now. She is desperate for cuddles, and becomes very upset when she is put in the play area without a caregiver. She hates car rides at the moment and will scream until I rub her little hand for comfort. She seems to want more quiet in general right now, and gets more annoyed than normal when her sister playfully interacts with her. She is anxious to give and receive hugs, and to sit alone on a warm lap with a book. Interestingly, she also regressed on walking and cruising a little bit and seems somewhat disinterested in the activity, which is a complete reversal of a couple of weeks ago.

In hindsight, looking at Lilly’s 13 month issues, we did discover two molars only a few days after she calmed down. She also took her first steps. She also started to talk with a few first words and provide consistent baby sign language. Now a few weeks removed from the worst of it, I think maybe it was a large developmental leap combined with those new teeth. Maybe. I still don’t know! And isn’t that about the worst thing about this age? They can’t tell you!

As for Audrey, we are in the thick of it right now with our little cuddly bear. While it is admittedly difficult to find the patience for her tantrums after we just got through such a challenging time with her sister, it is also easier in some ways. I’m not alarmed to such an extreme degree because we just went through this with Lilly. And despite my friends and family still not assuring me that this is a “typical” regression, I’m comforted because it seems typical for my particular kids. 13 months. Who knew?