Seriously. This wasn’t in any of the parenting handbooks I read. I mean, I get why my baby books wouldn’t tell me. But, hey, Janet Lansbury, you could at least MENTION that one of those behaviors that you’d really like to ‘not let your three-year-old do’ is MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WAKINGS. I thought the worst was over. I was beginning to think I could do this whole not-get-sleep-at-night thing again because, hey, squishy baby to enjoy!

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Preschoolers who wake up at 3 am are not squishy and cuddly. They are demanding and relentless and cannot be reasoned with, cajoled, or forced to sleep. I can’t pick Will up and try one of the four S’s – shushing, swinging…and I’ve forgotten the other two.

The first night Will woke up at 2 am and didn’t go back to sleep until 6 am. I chalked it up to a fluke, an anomaly, a crazy happening. (Well, after I hyperventilated, and the swooping anxiety from my postpartum days flashed scenes of endless sleepless nights before my eyes.) It would be fine! Just a hiccup. We’d had nearly two years of blissful sleep, enjoyable bedtimes, with the normal changes that come with travel and holidays.

And yet. This has persisted.

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That first night, we tried the Silent Return, wherein you say nothing but return the child to bed calmly and quietly and leave again. (We legit did this, each, at least twenty times.) Then, we tried the ignore-him-as-he-sat-on-the-end-of-his-bed-as-he-swayed-and-fought-sleep method. That seemed to work.

There are so many that I found when I gave into the siren call of Google:

  • The silent return: see above.
  • The bribe: sticker charts, things they want when they stay in bed, etc.
  • The poker chips: They get two. If they have one left by morning, they get…something they want (another variation on the positive reinforcement.)
  • The lock-the-door: Will’s door locks from the inside. Even if I was like HELL YEAH, can’t do this one.
  • The let-him-sleep-in-on-your-floor: I haven’t ruled this one out. I much prefer it to…
  • The bring-him-in-bed-with-you: We tried this one night when I stayed at my mother-in-law’s the night before a wedding. Will’s 1 am wake up call simply became our joint middle of the night, 90-minute party. (I didn’t like this party, natch.)
  • The leave-and-return: Where you slowly build up the time you are pulled away for small, boring tasks (“Oh! I left the oven one. I’ll be right back.” And then you return a minute later. “Oh! I have to go fold the laundry.” And then you come back five minutes later. Eventually, kid falls asleep.)

What we’ve finally settled into is the…drumrolll!….

  • The sit-outside-his-door-until-he-falls-asleep! Yes, we have a pillow, and yes, we do it both when he wakes up at night, and at bedtime. Yes, it’s exhausting, and, no, it’s not 100% infallible.

Do most people just roll with the toddler/preschool wake-ups because they already have newborns/babies not sleeping through the night? AND WHY DID IT COINCIDE WITH THE KID TURNING INTO A JERK DURING THE DAYTIME TOO?

Le sigh. My only comfort is that nearly every other parent I’ve talked to is like YEP, THIS IS A THING. And it ebbs and flows. And new, fun, unpleasant things come as they get older. I’m so excited!

In all seriousness: commiserate with me.  What tactic do you use, ye olde wise parents of preschoolers?