I love the desert… sometimes. I always love the cacti, and the sunsets can’t be beat, but a lot of the time, I don’t love where we live. Other times, I hate it. And it is harder than I thought it would be.

Ace wandering through the desert citrus groves on a winter's morning.
Ace wandering through the desert citrus groves on a winter’s morning.

Before I moved here, the desert was my vacation go to spot. I loved spending time in the heat, enjoying the pools, the hikes, the slower pace of life. But now that I have lived here for nearly two years, I see all of the flaws. The terrible political climate, the oppressive and long summers, neighbors I have nothing in common with, the lack of green trees. Ace and I recently went back to where I grew up in the Bay Area, to visit family for two weeks. I could not believe how green it was, like a forest. I miss seeing trees, I miss fall colors, I miss weather that changes more than once a year.

I often wonder what it would be like to move away. Our family has strong ties to Phoenix right now. My husband’s entire family lives here, and we could never afford to live near my family in San Francisco! I go to school here, my husband has a job he enjoys, I help run the preschool co-op, and for 7 months out of the year, we do have lovely weather. I wish that was enough for me, but often times it isn’t. I just want to see changing leaves and feel a crisp fall breeze again. Or at least to be able to take my dogs for a walk between May and September without burning their paws.

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Other than the weather, I worry about my children growing up in a place that values guns over acceptance, where there is little diversity, and less than stellar schooling. Arizona generally ranks in the bottom three states for education and for teacher pay, which is a dismal outlook for someone with children who is currently pursuing a master’s in education.

On days when I want to pack up and run for the hills, I try to remember the good in our city. We have wonderful family friendly events from October through April, with festivals every weekend and live music, outdoor movies, and farmer’s markets each week. While I may not agree with the politics of many in my town, I have recently found a like minded group of people working hard to make changes, and I take comfort in the fact that good things can be done despite what happens here in the polls. I think about how beautiful the monsoons are, when we have excellent lightning shows nearly every night in July and August, and I remind myself that we are within a few hour’s drive of the forest, the snow, another country, and the Grand Canyon. My children will grow up with their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, and we live in a safe neighborhood on the edge of farmland, where kids play freely in the streets after school.

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While I don’t think I will ever get used to the oven-like heat that hits your body when you open the door during the summer, I do hope that I can come to terms with living here for the long haul. In my own time, I think it will happen. Maybe not today, but I want to get to a place of acceptance. However, for right now I am focusing on the forecast, which shows that the next five days should all be under 100 degrees! Small victories to get me through.

Do you love where you live? Or do you wish you could be someplace else with your family?