I love the desert… sometimes. I always love the cacti, and the sunsets can’t be beat, but a lot of the time, I don’t love where we live. Other times, I hate it. And it is harder than I thought it would be.
Ace wandering through the desert citrus groves on a winter’s morning.
Before I moved here, the desert was my vacation go to spot. I loved spending time in the heat, enjoying the pools, the hikes, the slower pace of life. But now that I have lived here for nearly two years, I see all of the flaws. The terrible political climate, the oppressive and long summers, neighbors I have nothing in common with, the lack of green trees. Ace and I recently went back to where I grew up in the Bay Area, to visit family for two weeks. I could not believe how green it was, like a forest. I miss seeing trees, I miss fall colors, I miss weather that changes more than once a year.
I often wonder what it would be like to move away. Our family has strong ties to Phoenix right now. My husband’s entire family lives here, and we could never afford to live near my family in San Francisco! I go to school here, my husband has a job he enjoys, I help run the preschool co-op, and for 7 months out of the year, we do have lovely weather. I wish that was enough for me, but often times it isn’t. I just want to see changing leaves and feel a crisp fall breeze again. Or at least to be able to take my dogs for a walk between May and September without burning their paws.
Other than the weather, I worry about my children growing up in a place that values guns over acceptance, where there is little diversity, and less than stellar schooling. Arizona generally ranks in the bottom three states for education and for teacher pay, which is a dismal outlook for someone with children who is currently pursuing a master’s in education.
On days when I want to pack up and run for the hills, I try to remember the good in our city. We have wonderful family friendly events from October through April, with festivals every weekend and live music, outdoor movies, and farmer’s markets each week. While I may not agree with the politics of many in my town, I have recently found a like minded group of people working hard to make changes, and I take comfort in the fact that good things can be done despite what happens here in the polls. I think about how beautiful the monsoons are, when we have excellent lightning shows nearly every night in July and August, and I remind myself that we are within a few hour’s drive of the forest, the snow, another country, and the Grand Canyon. My children will grow up with their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, and we live in a safe neighborhood on the edge of farmland, where kids play freely in the streets after school.
While I don’t think I will ever get used to the oven-like heat that hits your body when you open the door during the summer, I do hope that I can come to terms with living here for the long haul. In my own time, I think it will happen. Maybe not today, but I want to get to a place of acceptance. However, for right now I am focusing on the forecast, which shows that the next five days should all be under 100 degrees! Small victories to get me through.
Do you love where you live? Or do you wish you could be someplace else with your family?
persimmon / 1390 posts
I struggle with this too. Growing up I wanted to live anywhere but where I grew up, and now I miss it a lot of the time. At the time I didn’t realize how unique it was. There were small mountains, and we lived in a very protected watershed so I grew up drinking straight out of streams when I was outside. It was also a very liberal area. I’d really love to live somewhere much closer to mountains and clean, fresh water or parts of Maine or Vermont. The winter is rough here, but summers are really nice. We struggle with winter every year, but it’s much easier once the kids are a little older and can get their own snow gear on and spend more time outside. Florida is also a cheap flight away. What it really comes down to is we love living near family. I can’t imagine how we would do it if we didn’t. I also love our town. It is a really picturesque, quaint town with great schools. We see friends and neighbors on the walk to the playground every night. And we are close enough to a city that there are a good variety of jobs available. We talk about having a cabin in the Adirondacks a few (or 15) years down the road so we could have the best of both worlds.
cantaloupe / 6086 posts
This post really resonated with me. I have mixed feelings about where we live now. We moved here for a good job opportunity and low cost of living – my brother lives here for the same reasons but we grew up in the midwest and our parents are still there (thankfully, so we have a reason to visit!). For the 10 years after college, I lived in large cities in the midwest and on the east coast. I love that I can SAH here because the cost of living is reasonable, and I like our little area a lot. And the spring is beautiful. But the hot weather – it really affects my mood all summer. I am like a different person when it cools off! That crisp air – even when it’s super cold in winter – just speaks to my soul. I so miss fall. I grew up spending a ton of time outside, and walking to school everyday, where it was often cold. That weather is just in my bones. It was very wooded and we played in the woods all the time – we also could walk to a lake where we swam all summer. I’m sure I look at it through rose colored glasses to some extent (now I see the trouble all the snow causes!) but I just miss the real seasons and especially fall, with apples, leaves changing, crisp air, etc. My kids barely ever see snow here, but thankfully have some chances when we visit for holidays.
I don’t know that it will ever make sense to move back up north, and it would bring its own challenges, although we’re not really so tied here that we wouldn’t move for another great job opportunity. I mostly try to focus on the positive of our situation and know that it’s a season of life – who knows what will come next.
pear / 1787 posts
I grew up in Northern Arizona and visited Phoenix a lot, and my husband is from there–we can’t imagine living in Phoenix, mostly because of the weather and political climate that you described. We now live in the Pacific Northwest and all the green is just amazing, though it is hard to deal with the lack of sunlight for several months out of the year. We do love flying into Phoenix every December when we go visit family for Christmas! I highly recommend checking out Prescott or Flagstaff if you want to stay in AZ but get away from the downsides of Phoenix! Good luck to you.
cherry / 247 posts
I also live in Phoenix and I can relate to a lot of your complaints. But I take slight issue with your argument that the schools here are terrible. Yes, Arizona does rank very low *as a whole* but there are excellent schools to be found. Even public ones. I was born and raised here and I received an excellent education in all public schools.
And there is diversity here, as well, if you seek it out. I also struggle with the political climate here, but I welcome the opportunity to be an influencer of change in my own community (even in my own family!). I think Arizona is on the cusp of changing from a Republican stronghold to a swing state. I’m excited to be a part of that evolution.
guest
It’s taken me a long time to make peace with living here in metro Detroit. I grew up in Cincinnati, OH, which has a much milder winter, and have struggled with the winters.
Three things I’ve done: one, my husband’s desire to save money, be danged – I run the heat all winter long. I’ll wear a fleece and ugg boots, but I’m not going to be cold in my home! Two, I try to take a winter break in Florida every year. Three, I reflect on why we live here: my in-laws live one block away, my sister 10 minutes, my parents 2.5 hours. We have a great church, jobs, friends, public schools, and summers!
coconut / 8472 posts
I feel the same way about where we live. We have friends here and DH’s family’s here, and our jobs are here. But I hate the weather for a huge chunk of the year. The minute snow hits the salt and sand trucks come out and everything is dirty and black until April, sometimes May. And everywhere you step foot outside is filled with dirty slush, which gets tracked inside. I also hate the cost of living. We have long commutes in order to get things in a house I consider non-negotiable, like a 2 car garage.
But we live in a progressive area with lots of like-minded people, lots of diversity, and a great job market. We want to move south, but I’m scared of the non-progressive attitudes and my job keeps progressing so I don’t want to leave it.
kiwi / 705 posts
We have lived in the SF Bay Area for 6 months and we really like it, but one of my biggest complaints is how it’s not green! Funny how everything is relative depending what you are used to! We moved here from NC where everything was green and you actually had rain and grass.
We really like where we live now, but I don’t know how long we’ll be here. We love our lifestyle but we live in the most expensive place in the area, which means we’d be renting as long as we live here. So we are subject to rent hikes (no rent control where we are) and I’m scared about getting priced out. Also, most of our family is back East.