I once found a picture of my mom when she was about 5 years old, and we looked so much alike that I thought it was a picture of me. Pictures of my dad from his teenage years show a striking resemblance to my brother. And my brother and I looked very much alike growing up, but that’s where the similarities ended. Physically he was always much slimmer, and personality-wise we couldn’t have been more different. While I expected my kids to at least look alike since everyone in my immediate family had, they have pretty much been opposite in looks, temperament and personality since the day they were born.

According to an NPR article on the topic:

Turns out that on tests that measure personality — stuff like how extroverted you are, how conscientious — siblings are practically like strangers.

“Children in the same family are more similar than children taken at random from the population,” Plomin says, “but not much more.”

In fact, in terms of personality, we are similar to our siblings only about 20 percent of the time. Given the fact that we share genes, homes, routines and parents, this makes no sense. What makes children in the same family so different?

The article posits some interesting theories like 1) competition, 2) experiencing major family events at different ages, and 3) minor differences in siblings being exaggerated as to why siblings are so different. But all those theories point to environmental factors. What about the personality traits we’re born with? I’ve thought about this even more (nature vs. nurture) as I’ve had kids of my own. These are the many ways my two kids are different.

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Physical Appearance

Charlie was born via c-section on his due date and was the largest baby in the labor ward. Olive was born 5 weeks early via VBAC and was the smallest baby in the labor ward. Each of their individual features – eyes, nose, lips, ears, hair color, skin tone, etc. have no resemblance, although their mixed heritage is probably a factor. Charlie is also at the way bottom of the height chart while Olive is on the upper end. They are 22 months apart yet have the same shoe size and people have asked if they’re twins for the past 3 years because they are so similar in size.

Sleep

Olive has been a sleepy child since birth and she still loves sleep. She’s almost 6 now and when she’s tired, she puts herself to sleep for naps and at bedtime. Charlie has struggled with sleep his whole life. As a baby and toddler he was a 5am early riser. Once we transitioned him out of the crib we had bedtime battles for years. He’s almost 8 now and fights sleep as much as he can, but I can’t blame him. I remember having sleep problems when I was as young as 3, and still have them to this day.

Milestones

Charlie hit all his physical and developmental milestones at or ahead of schedule. For the first 2 years of Olive’s life, she was behind on pretty much every milestone, starting early intervention at 16 months. Potty training was also a breeze with Charlie compared to Olive, though anecdotally boys are typically harder. Though she’s outgrown her speech and sensory delays, Olive continues to be pretty physically uncoordinated to this day. Luckily she’s not a risk taker so she doesn’t really get hurt.

Extraversion

Charlie is much more extroverted than Olive, getting more energy when he socializes and never wanting it to end. Playdates often end with him asking if we can have a sleepover. He has had to have his seat moved in every classroom he’s been in for talking too much. His voice is so loud that we often have to ask him to lower his voice in public places. Olive is very soft spoken and I often have a hard time hearing her. She asks to leave events early when she’s had her fill of socializing. She is definitely not talkative and has enjoyed playing independently pretty much since she was born. We often wonder where she is because she’s so quiet!

Agreeableness

It’s pretty easy to get Olive to agree to something or change her mind, while it is very difficult to get Charlie to change his mind once he’s made it up. Patience, or being able to delay gratification, has always been one of Charlie’s biggest struggles. If we let the kids pick a toy for instance, Charlie will quickly pick something and not change his mind. Olive will walk around the whole store considering all her options and take a long time to make her final decision. She is careful and deliberate while he is more headstrong and impetuous.

Cautiousness

When Charlie was 15 months old, I turned my back for a minute and he was standing on the dining room table. He has no fear and loves to take risks. Olive on the other hand has always been extremely cautious and does not like taking risks.

Neuroticism

Unfortunately Charlie inherited anxiety from me. He has had regular nightmares since he was 3 and often fights sleep because he’s afraid of having nightmares. He worries a lot, is moody, and has trouble managing his emotions, although it has gotten immensely better since he turned 7. Olive is pretty happy go lucky.

Memory & Learning

People often comment on how bright Charlie is, but perhaps that’s also related to his more extroverted personality. Olive doesn’t pick things up as quickly and has a pretty poor short-term memory. Because she is so low-key I think we sometimes underestimate her, but she taught herself the alphabet and was voted class math whiz in kindergarten. It will be interesting to see if this changes as the kids get older.

Similarities

Of course the kids have some similarities. They both love art, reading and traveling, and hate eating.

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Are your kids complete opposites? What about you and your siblings?