Hellobee

I always knew I would be one of those moms. The ones that felt heartbroken over how quickly her baby was aging. Turns out I know myself super well. Looking at pictures of the end of my pregnancy and those first days together as a new family are so intimately magical to reflect on. What a time of our lives.

I think of being curled up on the couch with a little teeny bean trying to figure out breastfeeding. I would hold the baby, my husband would hold my breast and together we’d try and make the perfect latch. I think about stressing about him losing weight and not gaining, and then the victory of him gaining his first ounce.

I remember studying him and not wanting to forget his details. The awe of this little life we had created. I remember the ache of my belly but the magical birth it reminded me of. I remember the confusion of bonding and figuring out how this would all come together. I remember thinking about the word transition and giving myself grace while we adjusted.

I remember crying every single night when the sun set. The long evenings of cluster feedings, yelping with every latch, Googling vasospasm relief and starting a crazy slew of supplements to maintain my low milk supply. I remember being afraid of that weird pump contraption. Hours and hours of breastfeeding (and many a Netflix series). A revolving door of visitors.

I remember the first time I went outside alone and walked to the end of the driveway feeling the crisp air and just crying because it had been days since I had been outside and how wonderfully freeing it felt.

I remember our first family outing to the grocery store! The long nights, the witching hour evenings. The gas and crying. The debate between gripe water and pacifiers and deciding to use them both on the same night.

I remember how freeing the light in the morning felt.

And somehow those early days evolved into many firsts. First smiles. First laughs. First rolls.

The wonder of introducing foods. The joy in watching him learn to sit, army crawl, scoot and now his first steps. Watching his mind learn and grow and figure things out. Making connections and changes every single day. It’s just been magical to watch, and an honour to be part of.

It hasn’t been easy, it’s been ridiculously exhausting, but goodness did it fly by.

My baby isn’t a baby anymore. He’s one. He’s a toddler with opinions, he says words, he’s taking his first steps, he signs more, all done and milk. He’s smart and full of life and just the most entertaining joyful boy. Our little funny soul with music in his bones.

I watched the whole time, and you grew before our eyes.