I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I have some type-A tendencies, and I fully admit to being a worrier and slight pessimist. To manage these personality characteristics, I’ve found that I have the most success moderating my anxiety through researching and studying topics that are causing me stress. Most recently, I’ve taken this approach to potty training research.
To be very clear, I am not currently potty training my girls, who are about 20 months old at the moment. Those cute little tushies remain in diapers, and they’ve never even seen a potty their size. But potty training has always been one of those parenting challenges that raises my anxiety when I think about it. And so around the 18-month mark, I decided to delve into some research on the topic and take some easy preparation steps in order to help manage some of that anxiety.
What follows are some things that have really helped me to change my mindset on potty training, and at least at the moment (and fully recognizing that all I’ve done is prep work!), I currently feel more excited than scared about this challenging area of toddler parenting.
My biggest resource has been the book Oh Crap! Potty Training. More than one mom friend recommended this book to me, and I also frequently saw it referenced on many mommy Facebook groups that I follow. I really liked this book. I learned so much about what kids are capable of in this area at various ages, and I also appreciated the author’s honest and humorous tone, and her easy-to-understand method. This is the approach that we are planning to take with the girls, and I expect that I will re-read this again once we’re really on the precipice of training to make sure that I am most prepared. I also like that this is the method that most of my twin mom friends went with, so I’ll have some ready support if things go sideways.
On the advice of this book, I’ve also started to acquire some potty training gear, the most important being (to state the obvious) potties. I was pretty overwhelmed by all of the options in this area and so I was grateful that the Oh Crap! book had a strong recommendation for the Baby Bjorn Potty Chair.
With two girls and a multi-level townhouse, we are aiming to have multiple potties and so I was incredibly grateful when my mother-in-law snagged three of these from a neighbor who was done with potty training. I’m keeping my eyes peeled for another one so that we will have two potties on each level of our home that the girls frequent. In the meantime, these are hidden far away in the girls’ closet so that they do not confuse them as a toy, and they will not come out until it’s go-time.
I’ve also been starting to plant the seed in the girls’ minds about potty training. I’ve been doing this two ways. The first is that they are now invited and encouraged to watch me go potty. I’ve built a lot of excitement about this so whenever they are asked if they want to “watch mommy go potty?” they immediately scream “Yessshhh!” and run into the bathroom with me. I give them each a square of toilet paper, they watch me do my business, and then they are thrilled when they get to drop their toilet paper in the toilet and watch the flush. We then wave bye-bye to the contents of the toilet together.
The second thing I’ve done with the girls is to introduce books about the potty concept. I love to read books to the girls, and I’ve depended on books a great deal to teach concepts. We have several potty-themed books but my absolute favorite is one I found called Dexter the Underwear Pup.
The basic story is that Dexter is a big adorable dog that watches over babies and children, and when he deems them ready for potty training, he leaves them a special note telling them that the time has come to trade their diapers for big kid underwear. The child is encouraged to leave all of their diapers out on the night before training begins so that Dexter will pick them up and give them to other babies. Making this story a hit in my house is that there is some magic involved, including Dexter flying through the night to trade those diapers for underwear. My girls also love the colorful illustrations in the book (especially all the rainbows hidden about), and I can already see their excitement for the big day when Dexter will leave them a note to tell them it’s time to leave their diapers out!
The final thing that I’ve been doing with the girls is trying to problem solve some already-existing poop issues. Obviously, the girls will have a nearly impossible time with bowel movements on a big girl potty if they are already having a hard time with them in diapers. And one of my girls was showing extreme distress (shaking, crying, turning red) when she was pooping. After speaking to our pediatrician, we have started a daily supplement of Miralax and prunes, and things are slowly improving. Still, we have some more work to do here to get her regular and comfortable before we’re ready for the potty.
Although I will admit to still feeling some lingering anxiety when it comes to potty training, studying the topic and taking some easy preliminary steps toward the goal has really helped me tremendously. We still have several months until we are ready to even consider pulling out those potties for the girls, so I’d love to hear from those of you who have gone before what else may be helpful as we gear up for ditching those diapers!
persimmon / 1390 posts
These sound like great starting points! I was so scared to potty train DD1 and it was much easier than I expected in the end. We did some basic prep like having potty seats out before we started training just so she could get used to seeing them, and we got two books. She was just shy of 2. It took probably 2 weeks for it to really sink in.
We just trained DD1 at just shy of 21 months (so like 20.5 months). We did zero prep and just had her naked from the waist down while at home. I hadn’t planned on training her when I did but took time off over Christmas and figured I should just try. This meant I had no time to prep and get myself nervous and that paid off. Some others on here recommended no pants or training pants and that’s what made it work for us after a few accidents. We have had probably 10 total accidents. She caught on super fast and was very independent about it so I let her do her thing (we didn’t do any of the putting her on the potty every hour because she resisted, and instead she would go on her own and then dump it!). She got “treats” when she went on the potty for about 2 weeks, and we still do lots of praise. She isn’t nap or nighttime trained yet but often wakes dry frequently enough we don’t worry about putting her in training pants if she falls asleep in the car and we are transferring her to the crib.
I feel like with training on the early end (especially very early with DD2) they don’t think they have a choice so they will just do it. DD2 has some possible GI issues and severe diaper rashes so that might have been a motivator for her to go on the potty. Maybe it would be for your girls too! If we have a third I will be starting at 20 months again because it seemed like a sweet spot. Good luck!
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I’ve heard girls are easier than boys! My son took almost a year to train and it wasn’t until I gave up completely and put him back in pull ups that he finally showed interest in using the potty consistently. My biggest piece of advice would be to not be too hard on yourself if things don’t go as planned because kids can tell if you are tense/stressed about it and that might be a turn-off. I kept telling myself that he wouldn’t be bringing diapers to college. Also people who successfully train early are usually outspoken about it and the exception. So don’t be fooled by lots of noise about everyone else’s kids using the potty already – it is NORMAL for it to take a while. But hopefully it doesn’t
persimmon / 1381 posts
We modified the Oh Crap method to meet our needs and our lifestyle and I was a big fan of it. The first three days were HARD and there was some crying (from me and from DS). He was about 2.5 when we started and it took him about 10 days total to really “get” it. We haven’t tackled overnight yet though, but he’s diaper free during they day and during nap time. Every kid is different though so I don’t know if it was the method or just his personality. I think it’s important to keep in mind that all of these methods are just guidelines, not rules, and you don’t need to follow everything to the letter (this was hard for me).
blogger / apricot / 431 posts
I’m sure your girls will do great. What I’ve learned from previous readings (I read the one that focused on potty training in 3 days) and potty training is just staying consistent and go all in. I of course am not following what I learned and half heartedly have been training Baby Pizza…and it’s definitely not working! Baby Pizza was pooping on the toilet for about 2 months but I’ve just been lazy to go all in….and all last week she pooped in her diaper. It’s hard when you can’t dedicate the time to just be at home to do it so I kept putting a diaper on her whenever we went to go to activities for Lil’ Pizza. Then I would just get lazy and leave her in the diaper. Total fail! Ha! Well now I am just telling myself that I will do it once we come back from vacation.
guest
I’ve always loved reading your posts because I thought our parenting styles aligned, and I my second son is close in age to your girls. I used this book and followed her methods closely with my first son at 24 months and IT WORKED SO WELL! I can’t tell you how many times I have recommended the book and repeated her advice to friends. Good luck!
pomelo / 5524 posts
@Modern Daisy: I totally agree with this. It’s tough on some moms of boys who see that someone trained their daughter at 20 months. That actually caused me to try to potty train DS1 way too early. Like you, we struggled for a full year before we gave up, and took a break while DS2 arrived.
Finally, at 3 years, 3 months, we tried again, and he was ready with minimal accidents. He napped and night trained at that time as well; however, I have friends who have a 6 year old who is still wetting the bed at night. It’s just the way they’re wired, and it’s ok that it still happens.
DS2 is 2 years, 4 months and has gone on the potty, but I know isn’t ready to train based on his defiance. I’m not going to push it this time. Just wanted to be a voice for moms of either gender that it’s ok if potty training at 2 isn’t going well!
persimmon / 1390 posts
@2PeasinaPod: I feel really bad if reading my comment was hard! I had no illusions with either of my girls that it would work when we tried and feel like it was mostly luck, with a few good tricks thrown in. My husband and I were both really young when we potty trained so maybe it was genetics too! I had read about a sweet spot or window of an age range and that younger end of it worked really well for us. I definitely wouldn’t have pushed it if they had resisted at all and really do count myself as super lucky it went well (SSTN on the other hand…
).
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
Does the book say to prevent the potties being treated as a toy? I would have thought having then in the bathroom to sit on (while diapered) to watch you go would be a good thing…
Good call on the miralax now. We had many poop accident while trying to get the constipation under control.
Also, do you still have your amazing nanny? She’d probably be a great resource.
guest
The “Oh Crap Potty Training” was a great book, as I had no idea where to start. I trained my son at 2.5 and he had it down in a week. Maybe I got lucky because he was the rare “superstar” the book mentioned. But the no pants method was crucial because when you start the kid doesn’t even know they are peeing. I was a little stressed out about the furniture (having wood floors helps) but I tucked puppy pee pads hanging out from the cushions to protect the front of the sofas and chairs that were at waist height for him. Good luck!
guest
Ha, I’m secretly hoping that Dexter book won’t be too popular because my son’s name is Dexter and I’m hoping he won’t ever be called “The Underwear Pup”! Anyway, we read the Oh Crap book and really liked it and dove in to training my son at almost 20 months because baby #2 was arriving in six months. I gotta say my son reacted in pretty much the exact opposite way to how she said he would and the thing that ended up working was offering M&Ms every time he even sat on the potty, which I always said I wouldn’t do. And it was tough and it took a long time, but there wasn’t any regression when the baby came and now at three years old he’s completely independent – lets us know when he needs to go, brings himself, dumps and flushes the pee, announces “can somebody please rinse my potty?” Of course I think part of the reason there was no regression was that we were hyper focused on the potty issue!
Really I think every kid has a different learning style and different sensory hangups and different points of stubbornness, so every potty training story will be different. Despite the fact that our first kid went nothing like Oh Crap said it would, I think we’ll go into the second potty training assuming it’ll go “by the book”. ::shrug::
kiwi / 549 posts
You do what you think is best, but 20 months is a great time to potty train! Both my son and daughter potty trained around 20/21 months, and with both being very strong willed, I’m so glad we did it early with both. It was good to do it before the “terrible 2s” set in.
I think sowing the seeds before you begin is really really helpful, and it seems you’re off to a great start! Can I suggest you keep 1 potty out now? I found it helpful to introduce it well before we needed it. It reduced anxiety, and gave them the opportunity to “practice” so to speak when I noticed there was a good time. (Ex: when the bath water was running, my kids always pee. So I’d nonchalantly encourage them to sit on the potty then, etc.)