Hi everybody! I know it’s been quite a while since I’ve been in this neighborhood but I’ve found that I can only embrace one creative outlet at a time while balancing parenthood, so recently it’s been the theatre. At the same time, I have missed writing and sharing with you guys. I’m currently beginning this blog post while my two boys are chasing each other around the house because we are in the middle of a snow day. On April 3rd. SERIOUSLY!?! I’m so ready for spring and this winter wonderland may be affecting my mood slightly so bear with me as I indulge in a post about motherhood and trying to have it all.

My kids are now 3.5 and 2 years old and I surprised myself recently by realizing how much I am enjoying this stage of childhood. The days don’t feel quite as long, I’m getting sleep at night, and my boys can play/entertain each other for extended periods of time. Have I hit the jackpot?? It feels like the calm before the storm in a way.  The hazy newborn and two under two days are behind me, so of course I’m contemplating adding a third child (haha), but I’m also living each day as it comes and doing things just for myself. My children are significantly less dependent on me than while they were nursing and babies, so I’ve been able to enjoy a bit more freedom and it’s been amazing.

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I’ve mentioned before that I used to act many years ago, and after my second kiddo was about a year old, I decided I wanted to get back into it so I started auditioning again. I’ve been lucky enough to do 3 shows in the past 12 months, which sounds like a lot considering they are all about 3 months of commitment. My husband has been incredibly supportive the whole time, even during the weeks where I had to walk out the door as he walked in and every dinner/ bath/ bedtime routine fell on him. I constantly wonder how sustainable this lifestyle is for our family, but at the same time, I think we’re handling it pretty well.

This particular season of life has led me to ponder the concept of “having it all” and how motherhood is not the only piece of my puzzle. I absolutely love being a parent and my children fulfill me in a way I never thought possible, but it’s not enough. Being an actor is a huge part of my life as well, it’s what I’ve always wanted to do, and it makes me so happy. I realize I’m lucky because my “work” takes place at night so I can still be with my kids during the day, but being gone in the evenings means I get much less time with my husband. And I’m not just a mother and a performer, but also a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. In some ways I’m doing well at finding balance, but in other ways, I know parts of my life are suffering, which is why I’m taking the spring off so I can spend more time with family and friends.

I know I’m not alone in this and everyone struggles with some sort of work/ life/ family balance. So, how do I manage the inevitable  guilt that happens to all of us?

  • I plan solo dates with each of my kids. Sometimes it’s as simple as a Target or Starbucks run, but it still fills their mama cup.
  • I schedule less and do less when I’m in a show so that I can make my free time quality time and attempt to manage my finite amount of energy.
  • I speak about my other commitments in a positive way. If my kids think I’m unhappy leaving them at night, they’ll be unhappy. Most evenings I’d have to walk out the door at dinner time which is tough so I’d say something along the lines of, “Mommy is excited because she has rehearsal tonight. But I will be back soon, and we are going to have a really fun day tomorrow!”
  • I plan date nights at home with my hubby and I encourage him to go out to movies and grab a beer more often so that he can get adult/social time as well. We both need time with friends and time with each other.
  • I practice gratefulness and living in each moment. This means both when I’m in a show and everything is crazy, but also when I’m not, and things seem a bit more stagnant and monotonous.

I still don’t know what I’m doing most of the time, but I’m trying to find happiness in the chaos. I know as parents it’s hard to put ourselves first, but sometimes it’s a good thing. I don’t feel guilty about taking time for myself and for being a more well-rounded person. When I’m happier my kids are happier and my patience level is higher. It is never going to be easy and I know that the parenting problems only get harder as they get older, so I’m relishing this time where I can have the best of both worlds and loving on my little boys as much as possible.

How do you find happiness in the chaos?