Well, we’ve had a good run in the Cereal household and it seems to be coming to an end. My kids are officially fighting every.single.day. I guess I didn’t really expect this because they have gotten along so well for the past three years, but now they are both so cranky with each other. The majority of fights occur because my son wants to play with his sister’s toys and she is absolutely not interested in doing that at all.
This shift seemed to start about 6 months ago and stemmed from a difference in LeLe’s overall attitude. She is now 4 1/2, and her attitude is bordering on disruptive at times now. She is stubborn and extremely smart, which in combination often means that she is very verbally upset when situations do not meet her expectations. In short, she wavers between being the sweetest girl on the planet, and a small, yelling tyrant. It is trying, but I also completely get it. She wants more control over her life and she’s just not capable of handling the control yet. I will admit that I have trouble dealing with her behaviors at times now, but the good thing is that Mr. Cereal is great at calming her down and changing her direction. On the days when I have had enough, he steps in and I get a break and I am able to calm myself down and control my reactions better. This is one of the hardest things I have dealt with so far as a parent and I know I am not alone. This girl, whom I wanted so badly and whom I love so fiercely, can also make me so frustrated I cry.
Little Bug is moving into a similar attitude shift with them only being a year and a half apart in age. He reacts to things a bit differently than LeLe, but he still has outbursts that are loud and long and incredibly frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind with all the noise in my house. The kids are insanely loud, and when they are upset, the noise increases exponentially. With Little Bug, his frustrations are because he wants to do more, and he is pretty particular about how things are done. More specifically, if he gets an idea in his head and it does not come to fruition how he thought it would, he loses it. I have even wondered sometimes if he may have some OCD tendencies, which would make sense because this is something I have struggled with my whole life. In the way that Mr. Cereal is good with LeLe, I am good with Little Bug. We often switch on and off with the kids to give each other breaks.
So, when we combine these two huge personalities together, the arguments and the frustrations mount. I try to keep them busy with activities to avoid these situations but there really isn’t a lot that I can do. They want to play together, then they get angry with each other. It’s a rough cycle and at this point we are just trying to ride this out. I think once Little Bug starts to get a better sense of himself, he will care less about playing with his sister’s toys. Until then, we are plodding through this phase. It’s not fun, that’s for sure, but it’s all part of parenting I guess. If someone asked me what the hardest part of parenting is, I would say navigating the parts that make me unhappy is the hardest. Finding a way to reconcile the separation of loving these little people so much it hurts and just wanting a break from all of it.
How do you deal with sibling disputes?
pea / 15 posts
I have 5 year old twin girls and am dealing with the same thing! Lots of yelling at my house. I spoke to my pediatrician who feels my one daughter, who sounds like yours, may be dealing with anxiety and we are going to talk to a child therapist to figure out how to deal with this.
pomegranate / 3438 posts
My kids are almost 5 years apart and we still have sibling squabbles. The oldest is 6.5 and the youngest will be 2 in December. They always want what the other has. For the most part I let them work it out as long as everyone is being nice (2 year old is in a hitting stage…) I just remind my oldest that we have to teach the baby how to share and to be a good example.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
I have an almost 4 and almost 2 year old, and the older one is increasingly emotional, and the younger one gets pretty aggressive/physical so I got a lot of that going on in my house too!
guest
Yes. So much fighting. I have two boys so it’s either screaming/crying/fighting over toys or they are ‘getting along’ but it’s loud running around yelling and wrestling which can be just as bad. It is so loud and so frustrating. I have no advice just that I’m glad you shared this!
clementine / 948 posts
About one month ago I read 1,2,3 Magic and it’s really made a big difference in our household (4.5 yo boy, 2.5 yo girl). We were treating our kids like adults, trying to rationalize with them. Even if they are smart, they are still kids. The constant negotiating had to stop. Anyway, I’d suggest reading that book. I’m less angry at the 4 yo now – the book helped me take my emotions out of disagreements