After Mr. Bee’s mom died, my first instinct was to leave the Philippines immediately. I didn’t feel safe and I had kids to protect. We got 24-hour a day armed guards. I researched moving to Korea because we still had many business affairs to settles in the Philippines, and the US is on the other side of the world. We had no choice but to continue working though, and the days soon turned into months. It seemed impossible to leave any time soon unless we walked away from everything we had worked so hard to build. Somehow life became somewhat normal again because Mr. Bee is the toughest person I know, and he wanted to stay and persevere.
Three months ago I moved to the island capital 5 hours away with the kids while Mr. Bee stayed behind. Part of the reason for the move was because there was absolutely nothing for the kids in our remote island town, and I was really starting to worry about their education. They read all day long and did workbooks, but hadn’t had consistent schooling for over a year. We were busy just trying to survive. Then a series of difficult work events earlier this year caused me to spiral into a severe depression with daily thoughts of suicide. At the time I quit my antidepressants cold turkey because they’re not available anywhere on the island, and I was too busy to travel to the country capital to get a refill. I told Mr. Bee I had to leave or I would die and he agreed.
Charlie, Olive, 4 baby kittens I was fostering and I moved into a small furnished apartment of a friend of a friend. Those first couple weeks were terrifying. I was in a new city, alone with the kids, and I felt like a target. I didn’t even want to buy anything because I was afraid we would be robbed.
But then things started to get better because I had a couple of friends who really helped me settle in. They invited me out frequently so I didn’t get lonely. They introduced me to a retired American psychiatrist who gave me an entire bottle of Lexapro for free because he had received it for free from the pharmaceutical company. We moved to a gated apartment complex where I felt much safer. I enrolled Olive in an awesome small private school that is just perfect for her. Through her school, I met a community of like-minded parents that I hadn’t had since moving to the Philippines. And there is just so much more for kids here, they love it. I never imagined I would solo parent, but we’ve gotten into a good routine now.
The trial is taking place in this city, so it’s good that I’ve been here to meet with our attorney and attend court hearings. We have to stay here to make sure justice is served. But I definitely want to leave the Philippines. Right now we’re trying to get our business to the point where it can run without us, then Mr. Bee can spend most of his time with us in the island capital. He comes to visit us and we go to visit him as often as we can, but of course it’s difficult to be apart.
It has been the craziest year of our lives. But I think we are starting to pick up the pieces.
pomelo / 5084 posts
Thanks for the update. I’m so sorry for the year you’ve been having. Sending
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
I cannot even imagine the strength it takes to keep going. I am SO glad you made the move to the capital so you can get some help youself, if not for the kids. I am praying so hard that justice WILL be served for Mr. Bee’s mom so that you guys can at least have a little bit of closure to move on from. I’ve never met you in person and haven’t been on HB as long as some other bees have, but you feel like family because you created and provided this safe space for me to be all this time and it’s been an awesome support system. I hope you know that we’re all thinking of you and rooting for your family
cherry / 150 posts
Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine how difficult and stressful the last year or so has been for you and your family. Thinking of you and Mr. Bee.
pear / 1622 posts
I am sorry you have had to go through this. I am so happy that you found a supportive community with Olive’s school. I hope things only get better!
guest
Wow Bee, I can only imagine how hard this past year has been for all of you. Thank you for being brave in sharing your story with us. I hope you know we’re cheering you along every step of the way! As a society, we talk a lot about access to mental health care here in the US and how difficult it is; I imagine that that conversation is compounded even further in other countries. I hope you’re able to find a trusted provider in the city in addition to meds, and that you know that as mamas, we have to ‘fill our own cup’ before being able to pour for others. Here’s to better health and happiness in the year to come.
apricot / 490 posts
Your family has been through an extremely profound trauma. There are no words. Please keep seeking help Bee. It sounds like you have PTSD symptoms from this armchair psychologist. Hang in there hardly seems to capture it but try to keep going. Day by day it will get easier.
pomegranate / 3768 posts
Wow. You and your family have been through a lot. I can’t even imagine. Thank you for your honesty. Please take care of yourself and know that you have a whole community here that you can lean on for support — as you have supported us through the years.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
Hi Bee! I’m so glad to hear that you are doing well and that the kids are also also doing well. I think you’ve made some really hard decisions and had to deal with so much. We are all here to support you!
pomelo / 5621 posts
Thank you for sharing. I hope the coming year is better for your family. Keep taking care of yourself.
cherry / 243 posts
I’m not a super active poster, but I have loved this website and it has helped me so much, and I felt the same way about weddingbee when I discovered it years ago. You and Mr. Bee have created so much good out in the world and I wish I could send some your way right now. It’s great to hear you have a found a nice community. Hang in there. Sending love and hugs.
guest
Thank you for the update. I’m glad that things are improving and that you are taking care of you mental health.
pear / 1510 posts
I’m so sorry that so much awful has happened to your family. I wish you all peace and togetherness in the future.
nectarine / 2964 posts
Sending you lots and lots of hugs
I am so sorry for what you had to go through, and I am so glad to hear that things are seemingly coming up and continue to look upwards. Thank you for being so brave to admit your suicidal thoughts in a blog post, it takes a lot of courage, and it makes me feel less terrible because there was thankfully a not-too-long period I thought about that as well. I don’t think I would dare to post about it on a blog / message board as someone is always out there judging
. Kudos to you and you made me feel that I am not so alone.
I am sending good thoughts hopefully justice is served, the kids get good education and friends, you feel better, healthier, and getting the support (both friendship-wise and medical) that you need, and you both can have the business running and get to be together soon. Hugs and best wishes to you. Looking forward to another post soon where you find yourself in an even better place. xoxo
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
So good to hear from you. Wishing you peace and happiness.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Wow, so sorry to hear of all the struggles you guys have had to endured, but so glad you are in a much better place for your health, and that the kids of thriving!
pomelo / 5220 posts
I am so sorry to hear about all of your troubles. It sounds like things have been very heavy and overwhelming. I hope you are able to find a good doctor and take good care of yourself.
squash / 13199 posts
Thanks for sharing
clementine / 874 posts
Intellectually I know that no one has a life full of rainbows and sunshine, but sometimes I feel so alone when life sucks. Thank you for creating a loving community where we can be open about how hard life is. I hope you’re able to feel our love for you and your family as well as our appreciation for what you’ve created here on hellobee.
guest
I am rooting for your little family so hard. I read so many blogs, but your writing has captured my attention so much. My husband has travels to the Philippines many times. And I was relaying your adventures to him. Our family has started to really become emotionally invested I. Your journey. We are sending you majorly good vibes from California. Please keep us all updated. And we are all rooting for your family’s happiness!
persimmon / 1381 posts
Thank you so much for sharing
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
Thank you so much for sharing… you are incredibly strong and brave. Praying that justice is served and that you all can move forward with peace.
guest
You’ve been in my thoughts – I didn’t know about the trial or anything. I’m so sorry. Big hugs to you and yours.
guest
I’m so sorry to hear of all you’ve been through and continue to go through.
How are your parents handling this? Are they putting pressure on you to return to the US?
grape / 95 posts
I admire your honesty and how brave you were and still are during this whole ordeal. Thinking of you, Mr. Bee and your family. xo