Charlie had his ninth birthday party last weekend. Due to numerous factors beyond our control, it turned out to be really disappointing and Charlie ended up sobbing at his party. Mr. Bee and I had very different reactions. He thought it wasn’t a big deal because disappointments are part of life, and in the end Charlie had an ok time. Mr. Bee had very simple family birthday parties growing up after all, and there was nothing wrong with that.
I never had any birthday parties growing up, nor any gifts either. But I had the opposite reaction to Mr. Bee: I was heartbroken for Charlie and really wanted to make it up him. Perhaps Mr. Bee is trying to recreate his childhood dynamic of the simple, family-focused birthdays of the 80’s, while I’m trying to do the opposite because I didn’t get to experience birthday parties as a kid.
The birthday was supposed to be a relatively simple affair because we were busy hosting guests the entire month of November. It was a Harry Potter themed party with some arts and crafts, and a pinata. Charlie loves the Harry Potter series and has read it at least 10 times. To say he is obsessed would be an understatement. But pretty much everything went wrong from the get go, including a friend throwing a birthday party for her daughter the same day, with the exact same guest list. On top of that, Charlie was sick and didn’t eat a single thing the entire day.
The main thing Charlie was looking forward to was wearing a Harry Potter costume for the first time. I couldn’t buy one locally, so we rented one from a costume shop in the island capital, and it turned out to be at least 5 sizes too big. Once he put the ill-fitting costume on, I could see the look of disappointment on his face. Shortly afterwards, he started sobbing. I told him that we’d get another costume somehow (his actual birthday was still over a week away), and he said that I didn’t understand because I didn’t love Harry Potter as much as he did and this was the single thing he was looking forward to most. He just really loves Harry Potter and doesn’t get to see his friends often since we moved, and he really wanted share that love with his friends.
It truly broke my heart to see Charlie so sad at his birthday party. He doesn’t have many friends in our new city because he’s home-schooled, which is why our party options were limited in the first place. I had actually been pushing him towards a family day at a waterpark so that we could avoid the whole party thing, but he really wanted a party.
Mr. Bee thought a small family affair for Charlie’s birthday would be just fine. He created a Harry Potter trivia quiz for Charlie that he really enjoyed. But I told Mr. Bee that times had changed from when we were kids, and Charlie goes to birthday parties all the time. And birthday parties here are way bigger than in the States. That doesn’t mean that we have to go all out, but it’s not unreasonable for him to want a party of his own.
I do think we are over-celebrating life events. But how do we keep things simple in an age of excess?
What were birthday parties like for you growing up, and what are they like for your kids?
blogger / cherry / 138 posts
I am so sorry Charlie had such a disappointing day!
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
I don’t think times have changed that much. Kids wanted and had birthday parties when I was little and they still do now. It sucks that he was sick though. That’s probably the biggest thing I would remember.
cantaloupe / 6086 posts
Aw I’m sad for him too! It’s hard whenever expectations aren’t met and forces were just beyond anyone’s control sound like. I think the big difference vs when we were little (generally speaking) is how big the expectations are, but that part is more under our control.
kiwi / 662 posts
I’m sorry Charlie was disappointed. You know, Harry Potter didn’t have great birthdays for the first 11 years of his life, and he turned out okay!
And I agree about over-celebrating life events. It’s made me appreciate the family-focused events my parents did for us. We had big parties with friends once or twice in our childhoods, but as we got older, we gravitated toward family affairs, and I’m thankful for that now.
pomelo / 5621 posts
Sorry to hear his birthday did not go well. Feeling sick on your birthday is never fun.
No matter if you have a small party or a big party as a kid when it doesn’t go as you hoped it is disappointing.
grapefruit / 4361 posts
@foodiebee: Great point about Harry Potter not having good birthdays either!
Sad to say, but I have had 3 extremely disappointing birthday as they have stuck out in my mind and memories. All 3 of them were basically when absolutely none of my friends could come or they canceled last minute. I feel Charlie’s sadness. the only consolation is that very soon, the sadness will not be as deeply felt.
Would there be another good occasion for having another party soon? Same theme?
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
@DesertDreams88: i am planning a 9 3/4 party in Sept. Hopefully he still loves Harry Potter then!
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
This is so sad to read; I totally understand why you’re heartbroken for him. I don’t have elaborate celebrations growing up either, and our mantra for our family is also to keep it simple. But I think this is just so hard for him because he is THAT close to getting what he envisioned and it just didn’t work out. But I know it’s gonna be okay
pomegranate / 3973 posts
Aww, it always breaks my heart when birthday parties don’t go as planned.
As kids we never had birthday parties except for 10 and 13 I believe. At 10 we got to have a slumber party with 5 friends, and at 13 went on a shopping trip. The rest were just celebrated with family – we picked our birthday meal and had cake/presents.
We currently do parties with family only, but as he gets older I think we’ll switch to slumber parties with friends, but still will keep them small, with just a couple kids. DS’s birthday is around Thanksgiving so it may be tough to plan!
apricot / 390 posts
Aw, poor Charlie. I’m sure he ended up having a good time, though! Just because he was disappointed does NOT mean that this was a terrible birthday. Case in point: on the morning of my 7th birthday (same day as my party), I passed out from low blood sugar in a Dairy Queen (I had been too excited to eat all morning). Because that happened, my mom changed the party from being at the park to at home. I was very disappointed at the time, but I don’t remember it badly; more of a funny story to tell now!
Also, a 9 3/4 Harry Potter themed party is THE BEST IDEA EVER.
grapefruit / 4361 posts
@Mrs. Bee: That’s awesome!
pomegranate / 3768 posts
I never had any birthday parties growing up either. We just celebrated by having cake with family. DH said he didn’t even have birthday cake growing up and I was horrified! We don’t throw a big party for our kids every year, but the years that we don’t we make sure to do something extra special with just the family or a few friends. I would have the same reaction as you seeing Charlie sad on his birthday. But don’t be so hard on yourself either. Sucks this one didn’t go as planned but I bet his next one will be AMAZING, as your parties always are.
pear / 1698 posts
We just do a cake and presents with immediate family for birthdays. I decorate the dining room with the same decorations and we celebrate as a family. In the summer, I let my kids do a joint summer bash where we invite both their classes. We put out pools, rent a bouncy house/water slide and have popsicles and ice cream. It’s low maintenance and since it’s not a birthday party people don’t have to bring gifts which I think increases the attendance.
pomelo / 5866 posts
9 3/4 sounds perfect and I think it will make up for it all. For me, we just had a family thing or nothing. DH just did a cake. I may go all out for DH’s 40th bday though. My daughter is getting Legoland for this year -thank you Black Friday sale and a grandparent- but in the past, we’ve thrown $100-$200 parties. Not all out …but a solid handful of friends. I do as much until it’s not fun for me. DD is easy and can go with the flow….although she would love a Minecraft party, I’m just not feeling it so Legoland it is. I never really liked throwing parties until DD came along.
blogger / cherry / 138 posts
I love the idea of a 9 3/4 party!
pomelo / 5084 posts
You didn’t get birthday gifts as a child?
The one thing I can say is, kids get over things quicker than we do. My son’s birthday party was a little disappointing as well. So much planning and anticipation (and money!) and it was over in 90 minutes. I felt like I had post wedding disappointment! Haha.
nectarine / 2964 posts
I am sorry to hear about the day !
I also didn’t grow up with birthday gifts or birthday parties. There was one year, I eyed this birthday cake at a neighborhood bakery where it had two swans on it. I thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world. I think my parents did buy it for me, and that was the most special thing ever in my childhood birthdays.
Back in the days people host birthday parties in McDonalds (!!!) out of all places. I went to a couple of those. Of course I’d dream to have one of my own, but that seems to be such a crazy idea I never even thought about asking for it, and I know I won’t get it. And I grew up fine.
I also didn’t have christmas gifts, just a small fake christmas tree with a bunch of empty boxes that I wrapped in wrapping paper pretending to be gifts, yes I didn’t grow up in the US and I guess that’s how we rolled…
clementine / 874 posts
I think we had birthday parties every other or third year. We had a big family, so birthday parties just didn’t scale well. Usually my siblings and I would pick 2-4 close friends to do something fun, laser tag, movies, climbing gym, etc.
On the off years, you celebrated by getting your favorite cereal in the morning (no sharing required) and whatever you wanted for lunch and dinner. Then a cake with a few presents.
The only big traditional type parties we had were from ages 5-9. After that we all opted for small group activities.
GOLD / pea / 5 posts
Can you tell I am making up on my blog reading tonight? ;D I totally relate to you about being heart broken for Charlie. When Tru turned 8, we had 3 trips to Cali in 1 month and his bday fell inbetween 2 funerals in 1 week… we had to cancel his party and I felt so bad that I tried to do a surprise afterschool play date party with 2 friends at Dave and Busters… and it was a bust-ers… Being told that you dissapointed your child is so hard especially when as a mom I feel like I am always giving a 1000%… anyways, just wanted to share that I feel you my dear friend. xoxo