In terms of close friends, I have some very close girlfriends whom I have known since college and high school. We have managed to keep in touch throughout the years despite moves across the state, across the country, and out of the country. We cheered each other on as we went to graduate schools in different disciplines. We were each other’s bridesmaids at our weddings. We comforted each other through difficult family times and raised each other up when good things happened. But there is one thing that I have had to experience on my own – that was becoming pregnant and having kids.

Being the first to become pregnant was exciting – everyone wanted to know how I feeling, how was the baby doing, when my due date was, if we were going to have a boy or girl. After a while though, whenever we would see each other it felt like my friends didn’t know what to ask me beyond those questions. When I would share what changes were going on with my body and the baby, it felt awkward to share these details knowing that maybe some of it was TMI and that they had not experienced this themselves. They tried to understand what I was going through, and support me in the process, but what I really needed was to talk to other moms about this experience, to hear that what I was going through was normal.

StarCakes was the first grandchild on both sides of the family; he was also the first baby among my group of friends. So the minute he came home from the hospital everyone wanted to meet him and hold him. Being a first time mom I didn’t know what the protocol was for having visitors soon after coming home. While people were calling and texting to find out when they could come over to see him, I was trying to figure out how to breastfeed, use a pump, and prevent engorgement. Fun times.

I felt overwhelmed that there was so much to do and confused because I thought the prenatal classes I took would prepare me for all of this. I may have learned what breastfeeding was supposed to look like, but actually executing it in the dark at 3am with a screaming, hungry newborn was another thing. I may have learned how to swaddle and put my baby to sleep on his back, but I didn’t learn how to deal with the emotions that would arise when he woke up the moment I put him down in his bassinet after rocking him for the tenth time.

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As an only child and first time mom, I felt alone in this journey. As the only mom in a group of friends who weren’t moms, I felt like I was in a different place than everyone else. While they were worrying about grad school papers or job-related issues, I was worrying about my milk supply and how we were going to start baby-led weaning. Granted I had Mr. Cheesecake in this with me, but while Mr. Cheesecake was also a first-time dad, in his family most of his friends already had kids and understood what he was going through. This was not my friends’ fault and I didn’t expect them to fully understand the magnitude of the transition that we were in as first-time parents. They tried to help me the best way they knew how by offering to come over and visit, bringing presents for StarCakes, and taking me out for lunch so I could have a break. But there is something about confiding in a fellow first time mom that really made me feel understood and on the same page.

Fast forward to now. While it may have been difficult to be the first to have kids in our circle of friends, I am excited that I can be a confidant and resource for my friends as they prepare to have kids of their own. It may have been an intense learning curve being the first, but I feel it makes me a lot more grounded and flexible when things don’t go as planned. I am a lot more forgiving, patient and understanding. And I am a great baby registry shopping buddy too because I know what is worthwhile to buy!

I wouldn’t trade these relationships for anything in the world. I hold these women near and dear to my heart; they are like sisters to me. And while it has been a struggle for me to negotiate the place my motherhood takes when I am around them, they have been nothing short of supportive of me and my family. I am grateful for their presence in our lives and I am ecstatic that my kids are surrounded by people who adore and love them as they are. After all, what breeds love, but even more love.

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Were you the first in your circle of friends to have kids? What was your experience like?