I am an extroverted introvert. I can turn it on when I need to, but I pretty much need an hour to recharge afterwards. It is exhausting for me to be social, even though I do enjoy aspects of it. My work requires that I spend a lot of time being social, which means that I schedule myself carefully to allow for time to recover. But I have way less control over the social lives of my children. And the thing that kills me the most is the dreaded kid party. When I see one of the invitations in my kids’ cubbies at schools, I get clammy and immediately try to think of a way to get out of it. I’m Mrs. Cereal and I hate kid parties!
The thing about kid parties that makes me anxious and weird is that there is an expectation for me to act like a normal human around the other parents. For my work, I have a persona that works for me. I am at events with the expectations that I will represent my university and my research and that is something I can hide behind. But at these parties that is not the case at all. I am just Little Bug or LeLe’s mom and for me that means I struggle to find things to talk about. I hate the pressure of making small talk in these situations. I can find a stupid topic to discuss at my work interactions, but at these parties, I clam up and internally freak out. In my head I imagine that all the other parents are secretly watching me and wondering why I am such a weirdo.
The other thing that throws me off completely for these parties is the gift giving. I know what my own kids like so there is this idea in my head that all kids of that general age like the same things. But obviously that isn’t real life, and trying to figure out what a three-year-old whom I don’t live with likes gives me a complex. I try to stick with basic gifts, art sets, books, etc. But I also don’t want to be giving a kid something they wouldn’t like, or worse, a gift that the parents think is completely wrong for their kid. I usually put the “no gifts please” caveat on the invites for my own kids and that is really because I am trying to avoid more stuff, but I am also trying to avoid having to tell other parents what to get my kid.
I am even weird at my own kids’ parties. I try to make sure that at least one of my friends with kids of similar ages to my kids attends the parties so I can essentially hide with them and avoid talking to the other parents. I actually really love planning events and making the parties cute and fun, but I have no idea how to entertain a grown up I don’t know. Even typing this out, I am getting all squirrely inside at the thought of having a bunch of other parents around me. I wonder frequently if the parents attending my kids parties are secretly wishing they were anywhere else.
I know this will all get easier as the kids get bigger and the parties are parent-less. I long for those days, when I can just drop my kid off at a party and escape without having to talk to the other parents. I know I am not far away from this, but for now I am trying to figure out a way to get through the rest of these parties without losing my mind.
Are any of you introverted parents? How do you cope at the kid parties you have to go to? And what are your go-to gifts for a kid you barely know?
cantaloupe / 6086 posts
Ooh me on introverted parent!
I think it’s a mix of grin and bear it, send DH, and hope I know other parents. We are just getting to drop offs for my oldest in the last two years!
For gifts a lot of time I just get Legos geared close to their age, and always a gift receipt. I never stress because I figure they can exchange it! I figure kids get so many gifts that they hardly notice anyway.
guest
Ha! I totally relate to this. I’m also an extroverted introvert. I can turn in on when I need to, but need lots of alone time after to recover. Luckily my husband is an extroverted extrovert so I send him to child parties when I know I won’t have friends there. I let my kids pick out the
guest
Hit submit too soon! My kids pick out the gifts. They know the birthday girl/boy far better than I do. Luckily we haven’t had too many parties before age 3 or so, because it’s a source of stress for me, too.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
DH goes to the parties generally, and I make my daughter pick her friend’s present. I think the gift should be “from” her, not me. And she’s pretty good about getting things they like (as opposed to things she wants).
nectarine / 2180 posts
I am a very introverted person and parent and am dreading the future kids parties. I dread family parties and I have family to hide behind. I don’t like small talk and am incredibly bad at it.
apricot / 430 posts
I’m right there with you!! I usually end up wandering around after my kid to make sure he doesn’t trash their house or break their toys. He’s 2, so it makes sense, but I don’t think that will fly when he’s 5! I’m totally lost on the gift thing. I’ve been sticking with books or toys that he loves, and writing “this is my favorite __” in the card. If I don’t chicken out, I’ll try to make small talk with another parent who looks lost, lol. Otherwise, I just circulate endlessly and try not to have RBF! I think you’re right on that no one else really wants to be there either. Anyone have ideas on how to entertain adults at a kids party??
squash / 13208 posts
As for gifts I always ask the parent “What is B into these days?” And then go off of that
persimmon / 1390 posts
This is me. Parties are so painful. How do people know what to talk about?! I always feel SO awkward and end up wandering around aimlessly.
pomelo / 5621 posts
This is me! I have a hard time at kids parties and even worse at being the hostess for my kiddo. I never know what to talk to the parents about. I generally let DS pick out a gift for his friends.
pomegranate / 3973 posts
Introvert here, luckily we haven’t had any parties yet that are non-family, but we’re starting preschool next year so possibly in the future. We won’t host friend-parties until DS is old enough for sleepovers.
With my step-daughter though we have to work concession stands since she’s in sports, and attend games, so lots of opportunity for awkward conversation – which I’m horrible at! I never know what to talk about, and her friends’ parents are all much older so that doesn’t help either.
pear / 1565 posts
Also an extroverted introvert here! Tho I feel like as I got older, I try less hard to be extroverted haha! My oldest is still in prek so we haven’t had to go to THAT many parties, but I feel ya, I just turn it on…. I do also have incentives to chat, because I always want to know if other kids are going through the same thing, talking about the same stuff from school, etc. I’ve actually been excited the last few birthday parties because some of us talk about kindergarten prep!
I think for now too they are young enough that I can always make an excuse of let me check on my kid or see where she is to run away for some alone time lol.
persimmon / 1381 posts
Oh this is so timely! I’m taking DS to his first bday party on Saturday where I won’t know any of the other parents and I’m dreading it. DH is staying home with our 1 year old and doing some stuff for me around the house so I can’t send him. I already feel awkward just thinking about it but DS is SO excited to go that I’m going to just have to grin and bear it and be that weird awkward mom. I did ask the hostess what her son was into so that makes me feel a lot better about gift giving. I’ll let DS pick it out but try to guide him to something the mom mentioned.
guest
Yes! Introvert right here! I start having heart palpitations when my son get’s an invite, and it seems like it’s somebody’s birthday constantly! Our son can pick out a couple parties to go to but definitely not all of them. We’d have no time to do anything else.
My husband is also an introvert so we made a pack that we go to these kid’s parties together so that we can hide in the corner together.
With regard to presents, we give books as gifts for everyone. I never buy new books, and we always go to secondhand stores or library book sales to pick out a used book so that we aren’t contributing with more waste in the world. Sometimes we’ll find a lovely book we can gift from our little free library.
apricot / 400 posts
For gifts for kids I barely know, I always buy one book that I hope they don’t already have but that my kid likes (this is because, like you, I don’t want more stuff, but I figure no one can ever have too many books!). Then, I try to get one small toy that is in theme with whatever the party is, or is something my kid likes. So, the other day, the kid was having a magic party, so I got the Wizard of Oz and a magic kit. For a one-year old, I got a boat for the bath that my son has and loves, and the book Freight Train. Something like that. And, gift receipts!
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Making small talk is the one thing I’m starting to dread as my LO’s party date draws near. There’s an internal pressure to be charming and sound intelligent and show your “mom morals.” What always seems to happen is that inevitably the subject is kids and what started as sharing becomes comparing. What I like to use as an ice breaker is “how did you meet each other?” and “where do you spend the holidays?”
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
This is me 110%. And I have a fully extroverted kid who needs a lot of socializing to be happy and I’m constantly torn between meeting her needs and mine (hers usually win, not surprisingly).
clementine / 948 posts
I’m an extrovert but even for me the nonstop preschool bday parties are tiresome. I go to my daughter’s classmate parties and my DH goes to my sons. That way we see the same parents and get to know them.
For presents, I normally do a book and a game. (Try to remember to include a gift receipt but don’t always). My go-to games recently have been Sequence Jr and Yeti Spaghetti
guest
This definitely resonates with me! I try to meet some friendly looking parents at parents’ night at the beginning of the year so I have some social “anchors” when going to things. If no one else I know turns up, I usually find someway to try to be helpful so I look busy (i.e. passing out cake) OR just look very into watching my child. Another thing to try is to email the parents ahead of time and ask if they would like you to take on the job of “photographer” for the party. They get photos and you get busy!
Like a poster above, we always do books from local bookstores or used. My favorites for each age are: 2-Grover and the Everything in the Whole Wide World Museum, 3-The Alphabet from the Sky, 4-Who, What, Where, 5-Narwhal and Jelly, 6-Mouse Soup (a great early reader).
persimmon / 1101 posts
I am shy and introverted but have gotten so much better at making small talk over the years. I used to DREAD those types of situations but forced myself to just do it. It’s usually not that bad because hey, we’re all in the same situation and we also have something that connects us–our kids! Here’s what works for me: it’s hard to jump into a big group but if you see a mom or two standing to the side, I usually just pop in with a random observation of what’s going on and things evolve naturally. Practice, practice, practice and eventually it becomes much less stressful. You can do it!
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
I’m just gonna say it… I am so freaking glad for this community! And how awesome it feels to know so many other parents feel this same way!
Also, the suggestion to offer to be the photographer is GENIUS!!!
nectarine / 2210 posts
I hear ya! What’s hard for me is in some ways I like the parties because it forces me to socialize and normyi never would. I don’t really have a lot of mom friends and like the idea of having a group of friends where the moms and kids both want to hang out.
But in the moment is so hard because I never know what to say and then stress out if I’m saying too much or not enough.