Hellobee

Earlier this year, we threw Panda his first birthday party when he turned 3. We had previously thrown two birthday parties for Lion when he turned 3 and 4. Our experience throwing Panda’s birthday party was much different than Lion’s because the guest list was greatly expanded!

Panda enjoying the pre-party setting up.

Lion is fairly shy and doesn’t love big groups. He has made some close friends, but has also struggled with other kids bothering him. I knew that there were certain kids in his class that he would be very unhappy about seeing at his birthday party because they had consistently hit/bit him, teased him, or were just a little too wild for his tastes. And so, each year he would tell me who he wanted to invite, just a handful of his friends (and their siblings). His birthday parties have never exceeded about 10 children, including Lion and Kip and his friends’ siblings.

Panda, on the other hand, is a social butterfly. Until very recently, he didn’t seem to have a “best friend” other than his brother. When I would ask who he wanted to invite, Panda would reply “I don’t know.” I finally asked if he wanted to invite his entire class and he said yes (and also listed several additional friends from the class above his), so that’s what we ended up doing. We ended up having 20 guests total, which compared to Lion’s birthday parties, seemed enormous.

Panda coloring the firefighter themed suncatchers.

It was pretty easy to compare Lion’s third birthday with Panda’s third birthday because we had them at the same location: our local volunteer fire station. While I set up some different activities this time around, overall it was the same setup: guest arrival and some play time, tour of the fire station/fire vehicles, back down for lunch, cupcakes and additional play time. I was shocked to watch Panda fall into the host role so naturally. Each time a new guest entered the room, he would run over to say hello and hand his friend something to play with. While I told him he should say hello to all his guests and thank them for coming, I was surprised to watch him instinctively welcome them by handing them one of the “fire hoses” that I had made and point to the “burning building” I put together, or giving them a balloon, or showing his friends the cardboard fire trucks they could drive.

Hanging out on the back of the fire truck during the tour.

When his guests started leaving, Panda grabbed the basket of party favors and walked around letting his friends pick one and saying, “Thank you for coming to my birthday!” to each of them.  I am certain that Lion would have run and hid in a corner if I had asked him to do the same thing at age 3, particularly if he had to do it 20 times. Panda, though, did it naturally without any intervention from me.

The basket had a sign on the front: “Thank you for coming to my birthday! Please adopt a fire dog before you leave.”

So, do we prefer big birthday parties or small birthday parties? I think there’s no question that we did the right thing for both of our kids. Lion has a smaller group of close friends and is more comfortable inviting the five or six kids he actually plays with. Panda, on the other hand, is very social and enjoys being around a larger group. Lion’s 5th birthday is coming up in a few weeks and he once again elected to invite just a handful of friends. Panda, excited as we prepare Lion’s party, keeps talking about all the friends he wants to invite when he turns 4 — and the list is long. Based on their personalities and preferences, we’ll probably continue to have small parties for Lion and invite the entire class for Panda, at least for the time being.

From the parent perspective as the one really “hosting” the party, I have to say that I was surprised to find that both have their pros and cons. I honestly thought I would much prefer the smaller party setting, but really, they’re just different.

Small parties have the benefit of being able to talk with the other parents more and being able to keep an eye on everything that’s going on. They feel less chaotic because there’s less people and noise. They can also be cheaper since there are less guests to feed and purchase party favors for (though we tried to keep the same budget for both parties — some of the activities at Lion’s party were more expensive, like the wooden fire trucks each child got to decorate versus the suncatchers at Panda’s party which came at a really good price in bulk).

For Lion’s party, because of the relatively small guest list, I felt comfortable cooking for the guests and we created a make your own taco bar. Doing the same for more than twice the guests (particularly if you include parents) felt overwhelming to me, particularly since we weren’t hosting it in our own home, so we ended up purchasing platters from the grocery store to do a make-your-own-sandwich station instead. In some ways, there was more logistical planning for Lion’s parties because of his short guest list. Since there are usually two friends that he really wants to attend, I’ve reached out to their parents ahead of time to figure out scheduling conflicts. Last year, for example, we chose a date two weeks after Lion’s actually birthday since one of his closest friends was on a long vacation.

Lion running around at Panda’s party.

Big parties have the benefit of chaos! I actually mean that in a really good way. There were so many kids there, I didn’t worry about anyone feeling left out because everywhere I turned there were children running around doing something. Some would work on crafts, others would race around in the cardboard fire trucks, some would play in the cardboard house or drive the large cardboard truck together, others would play with the diecast fire trucks we brought from home, others would work on “extinguishing” fires, while others would have some snacks. There was constant chatter and laughter throughout the party. While I did feel like I was running around more in terms of refilling the snack/drink table and I had many more children coming up to me to ask questions, it still seemed like there was less to do in terms of hosting. I feel like I have to make sure there are more activities for smaller groups than larger ones, which surprised me. Overall, it seemed like everyone was having more fun in the larger setting, though some of it I’m sure is attributable to general personalities. Lion gravitates to kids that are a little less rambunctious overall, whereas with Panda, because we invited so many kids, there were all types of personalities there. I was also able to choose the date most convenient for us and didn’t check in with any of his friends about scheduling conflicts because I figured no matter what, we’d have a decent number of guests attending.

Panda trying on the firefighter’s helmet.

One note: I would have worried about Panda receiving more gifts simply because of a larger guest list. However, because we always say, “Please no gifts” on the invitation, this basically solved that potential dilemma. Interestingly, though we’ve always said it for Lion and Panda, Lion actually received more gifts from guests! I wonder if it’s because his parties are smaller and we only include close friends, they feel a stronger desire to bring something. At Lion’s 3rd birthday, 4 guests brought gifts; at his 4th birthday, 3 guests brought gifts. Although Lion had twice as many guests attend, only 2 brought gifts, though for both Lion and Panda, most brought cards. Lion and Panda understand that birthday parties are a way for them to share their birthdays with their friends, so they don’t expect presents. In talking with both of them, it’s abundantly clear to me that (at least at this point in time) they place higher value in who is attending and don’t really care about gifts. Lion has expressed disappointment when a friend has a conflict and can’t attend his party, but none whatsoever about gifts.

We are such huge fans of the volunteer firefighters who know how to lead a great tour for preschoolers!