The kids and I have been living a 5 hour drive away from Mr. Bee for just over a year now (we live on a remote island and moved for the kids’ education). We try to visit him twice a month and he tries to visit us twice a month. The visits are never long unfortunately, because Olive can’t miss school, and Mr. Bee can never stay away from work too long either. Because our time together is limited, Mr. Bee spends alone time with each child on every visit.
Alone time is when he takes one of the kids to do something with him one on one. It’s not anything particularly special, as there isn’t much to do on our island. Typically he takes one of the kids out to play board games at a local cafe, for ice cream, or even just to run errands (since they go on a scooter it’s always fun). Charlie and Olive are best friends, and they’re much more rambunctious and focused on playing with each other when they are together. This alone time with just one child is important to strengthen parental-child bonds, make each child feel special and important, and allow each child to really be heard, which can be particularly important if you have one that is more extroverted or introverted. The kids treasure this time with Mr. Bee, and respect each other’s alone times because they know that they will each get a turn. Even if their time together is short, it is quality time.
Alone time isn’t just limited to our kids. Mr. Bee’s niece and nephew were visiting us from the US; he hadn’t seen them in 14 years and they were eager to reconnect so he hung out with them individually. Hanging out one on one with someone is a completely different dynamic than that of a group because there isn’t another person influencing the conversation.
Mr. Bee’s dad used to tell him something that Mr. Bee has repeated to me regularly over the years. His dad said that as long as they had one great conversation each time we visited (before we moved here), he was happy. Since the passing of both Mr. Bee’s parents in recent years, I’ve realized just how profound this idea was, because we have so many conversations that we don’t remember. Mr. Bee reminds me to have one great conversation with each of my parents every time we visit the US so that should anything happen I won’t have any regrets. I always try to do this, particularly with my dad who truly values deep talks.
Alone time is a regular part of our family’s vocabulary. Even though I’ve spent much more time with the kids than Mr. Bee has the past year, their bond to him is still just as strong as it is to me (if not stronger!). I think it’s essential for every family!
Do you ever have alone time with your kids?
pomelo / 5621 posts
It’s been hard since we added number two almost a year ago. DH just took DS1 camping this last weekend for two nights. This was their third getaway together in a year and it has benefited their relationship and given me time with just the baby. I’m going to take DS1 on a date one night in the next couple weeks. A lot of my alone time with him is spent doing errands.
guest
I’m curious if you and Mr Bee get alone time too to reconnect!
pear / 1565 posts
This is something I’ve been thinking about as we are going to have a 3rd! It’s not hard to spend alone time with our 2 now; we can prob do more but I think even 15-20 min alone is good!
guest
It’s probably because I come from a 2 kid home and I only had one kid for 5 years, and now 2. But alone time is not anything I really think about or plan for. When I think about it, I certainly get it with each child as does my husband, but we rarely make it happen purposely.
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
@neha we do but not too much!