The girls will be heading into PK-3 in just a couple of weeks and we’ve made the decision to split them into separate classrooms. I’m really not sure if this will be the right decision for the girls or not, and I figure it may help me to get my thoughts down as to why we decided to do this before school starts up (in case we later have doubts or need to reevaluate!).

The decision whether to split or not split multiples is a hard one and it is a topic that is frequently debated in twin parenting circles. I happen to be a research analyst in my day job and so you can probably very easily guess how I tend to make parenting decisions – I consult research and studies! Unfortunately when I started down the rabbit hole on this particular topic, I found that the studies weren’t conclusive, with results pointing in different directions.

I ultimately concluded that research wasn’t the best way to base this decision. Instead, I feel that this is a very children-dependent decision and families need to act in a way that makes the most sense for their own twins. In our case, it is simply our feeling and hunch that the girls will do better in their own classrooms.

The first reason we have for splitting the girls is that we think that they could benefit from being on their own for a few hours a week. Last year the girls attended the same PK-2 class and we were told that they nearly always stuck by each other’s sides. While the other children were making friends with each other, I was told that our girls would hold hands on the playground and rarely leave each other. While this is adorable (and the teachers presented it to us as such), we think it’s important that the girls learn to exist and socialize independently. The girls were known simply as “the twins” and were nearly always considered as a unit rather than as individuals.

Because the girls are so often considered as a unit, we also worry that they may be compared to one another in a way that may not be best for them. Often people will amplify certain characteristics in twins (or any siblings) in an attempt to differentiate. For instance, one child may be tagged as “the smart one” and the other as “the athletic one”. While I realize that I can’t stop some of this from happening, my feeling is that if they are in their own classrooms then such labeling may be minimized so that they can both be identified as smart or athletic without having to sacrifice such characteristics to their twin. This actually happened quite a bit to me and my sister growing up (and we were two grades apart!) and it definitely influenced our behaviors throughout childhood.

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On the flip side, one great potential reason to keep twins together is to maintain emotional stability and connection for them. I’ve read studies that suggest that it can be emotionally traumatic for twins to be separated when they have spent all of their time together. I can definitely relate to parents who choose to keep their twins together for this reason; my girls have probably had less than 24 hours apart their entire lives. They do EVERYTHING together and they always have.

In the case of Lilly and Audrey, I am less worried about emotional trauma because we are easing pretty slowly into their school separation. This year in PK-3, they will be attending preschool only three mornings a week. And even still, their two classrooms are likely to merge together at times for things like outdoor recess. My hope is that such a gradual transition will help them to better acclimate to being apart such that by the time they are on their own for full days in kindergarten, it will feel normal and comfortable for them.

My final reason for separating the girls this year is to get them individualized attention. One of our girls is very verbal and very confident. While those are traits that I adore in her, I also recognize that it means that our other girl becomes easily overshadowed by her sister. Family and friends often remark to me how smart our verbal and confident child is, and the more timid child is left out of that characterization or mentioned in an after-thought in a way that doesn’t feel right to me. While she is indeed more quiet, I know that she is just as capable. I believe that getting her out of her sister’s shadow in this regard may do her some good.

In the end, I’m not sure if separating the girls will be the right decision or not. I’m very grateful that the girls’ school is open to our opinions and concerns on this matter and doesn’t mandate that twins be either separated or kept together (I’m aware that many schools do indeed have rules around this). I feel pretty strongly that it’s a decision that is best made with the temperaments and history of the twins in mind, and time will tell if our hunch on this decision was the right one!

The girls on their first day of summer school (in the same classroom). The girls on their first day of summer school (in the same classroom)