Hellobee

This grieving process stuff is so hard. I find myself moving through stages of extreme sadness, then anger, then numbness. I also have a lot of anxiety about getting pregnant again, losing a baby again, getting so sick again. But life is moving on: I have to go to work, I have to send my other child off to preschool, there is dinner to make and a house to clean up. But the underlying sadness is there. Thankfully, I’ve had so much support from family and friends who have helped me in a variety of ways.

If you or a loved one are dealing with the loss of a baby, I’m sharing some things that have helped me heal:

1) Get something tangible: It was very important to me to frame a sonogram picture of Little Chief and keep it up in our house, like all of the other members of our family. My husband also surprised me with a beautiful diamond necklace shortly after our loss, to represent our baby’s April due date. I have ruby earrings for Fitz’s July birth, and I treasure having a physical representation and memory of this baby too.

2) Go out of town: All I wanted to do after everything happened was to just get away. The first day we found out the baby died, I couldn’t even stomach going home, so that night we crashed in a local hotel. My husband and his mom went home before me to put away all the baby things we had started collecting so I didn’t have to see them. After a couple of days, I reached out to a good friend who is a travel agent and she booked us a long weekend trip to San Diego. It was so refreshing to get away, take off work, and spend time together. Watching Fitz and his daddy playing and running together on the beach made me reflect on how thankful I am for the family I have. A change of scenery provided a good place for me to collect my thoughts and grieve privately and away from the hubbub of everyday life.

3) Get a devotional and journal: This devotional is short and sweet. It helped me express my sadness, but it also has words of encouragement. It has meaningful prompts for reflections so I’ve journaled along with it and I think it’s helped me have an outlet for my feelings.

4) Find a local support group:  I found a great local support group that meets monthly and this has really helped me to discuss my feelings with other like-minded moms. Sometimes I struggle because it feels like others in my life have forgotten my baby, or expect me to be “normal” again, but going to the support group gives me an ongoing way to continue to grieve, heal, and remember my baby.

My prayers are with those who have lost a little one too soon, and with the sweet babies that God is holding for us now.

Mrs. Cupcake