We moved to the island capital a year and a half ago, and while it was difficult being apart from Mr. Bee, I think it was a good decision for the kids. They were 6 and 8 then, and had largely been “unschooled” for 2+ years up to that point. Moving to the island capital meant Olive would be able to attend a wonderfully small and progressive school. Olive has always thrived in a structured atmosphere, so school was a good fit for her. Unfortunately the school only went up to second grade at the time, so Charlie was too old to enroll. That meant he stayed home with me doing a combination of homeschooling and unschooling, and it ended up having a dramatic impact on him.

I suspected that Charlie had ADHD or some other type of disorder as early as the age of 3, but ADHD isn’t diagnosed until kids are 6+. I was familiar with ADHD because my brother was diagnosed with it and medicated at a young age. When we moved to the Philippines and Charlie didn’t have the daily stress and pressures of school, he mellowed out a lot. He still had epic meltdowns from time to time, the last of which I remember very clearly. Shortly after we moved to the island capital, Charlie read a book on his Kindle and saw that there were a bunch more books in that same series. His desire to read the entire series completely overwhelmed him, and when I wouldn’t let him stay up all night to do so, a meltdown of epic proportions ensued. From then on, I completely banned screentime. At the time the kids were allowed to play an hour or two of games like Minecraft only on the weekends, and they were allowed to read on their Kindle fires, but not after 6pm. We’ve never owned a tv in their lifetimes so we didn’t have to worry about that.

Not playing videogames on the weekends became their new normal and though they still asked about it from time to time, they accepted it surprisingly easily. It helped that we stayed very busy on the weekends. Charlie never had an epic meltdown again after that. I chalked it up to the elimination of screentime, because no screentime is recommended for kids with ADHD or on the spectrum. But there were several other factors at play that I didn’t consider as much until more recently.

Charlie was with me at all times while Olive attended school, which was a dramatic shift from the life he had been used to. For the previous 2.5 years, he had been with Olive 24/7. While Olive was at school, he read one book from our classics shelf every day. These were mostly books that he probably wouldn’t have chosen on his own (classics, Newberry medal winners, etc.), but they exposed him to a broad range of stories that expanded his perspective. He helped me with every type of chore there was from shopping, to cleaning after the pets, dishes, cooking, laundry, and much more, and continues to do so today. We also spent a lot of quality one on one time together, going on hikes that were too difficult for Olive, or even just going to a local cafe.

Perhaps the most striking effect of Olive going to school and Charlie staying at home was that the power dynamic in their relationship shifted. Charlie always had the upperhand being the older and much more dominant sibling, and Olive was happy to be number 2. But now she had a separate life outside our family with her own friends, and she was becoming more confident with each passing day. Charlie, meanwhile, would count down the hours until Olive came home from school every day! Due to their year apart, and perhaps Olive just growing up as well, the power dynamic between Charlie and Olive is much more equal, and often Olive has the upper hand now!

That first year Charlie said that he wanted to be homeschooled and didn’t want to go to school. But he started missing having friends and told me one day that he wanted to go to school. Luckily Olive’s school added grades 4-6 this year, so Charlie is now attending the same school as Olive.

Looking back I think that year home with me was crucial to Charlie’s development. He is a sensitive child and his love language is quality time. I was able to give him tons of quality time and focus solely on him when Olive was in school. I think that quality time combined with lack of screentime was instrumental in helping Charlie feel more secure and loved, and thus have better control over his emotions. Oh and I think taekwondo had a big impact too!

We still don’t allow videogames, although sometimes they do get to play when they go over to their friends’ houses. We got rid of their Kindle fires (which are more like ipads) and got them Kindle paperwhites instead. I’m totally fine with them watching movies in the theater and at home, but don’t like tv shows which tend to be more addicting. Luckily living on an island it is very easy to limit screentime.

I’m thankful for the year that I had with my son. He has grown so much, we’re closer than ever, and I’m so proud of him.