Hellobee

It’s been really interesting to follow what my friends and family across the country and world have experienced with regard to social distancing and the pandemic. I figured I’d share our experience so far with you all.

Lilly and Audrey in a moment of quarantine stir-crazy

Childcare

Prior to the pandemic, our childcare situation was a full-time nanny paired with PK-3 preschool three mornings a week. We were paying our nanny for the hours that the girls were in school because we needed the coverage for sick days, school breaks, and summer break.

Once the school cancelled in-person instruction (effective March 16th), we had full-time nanny coverage given our existing arrangement. Importantly, our nanny commutes via her own car, does not live with high-exposure individuals, and has taken social distancing measures seriously from the start. If any of these conditions were different, we likely would have been unable to rely on our nanny. In addition, the state of Kentucky issued “Healthy at Home” orders in which home-based care for children was allowed.

Our nanny has been great through this transition. She arrived at our house that first Monday morning with a daily schedule and was off to the races. The girls’ school also responded well – they started with daily activities shared every day via the app Seesaw, and later they added twice-weekly zoom classes for each girl’s class and optional zoom meetings with their art, music, and gym teachers. The school definitely opted toward over-communication and while it has been overwhelming at times to keep straight all of the different zoom meetings and options, overall I feel they struck a nice balance and the girls continued to receive a benefit from the interactions. Their last week of school was last week and all of the zoom meetings and activity suggestions ceased after Friday’s zoom year-end “party”.

The girls show off the results of a counting exercise from a virtual class session.

Prior to the pandemic, I had set them up for a summer camp a few mornings a week and I received notice last week that the camp was cancelled. So the plan for the summer is for our nanny to continue to take the lead. The school has communicated that fall classes will begin in August at the earliest (some schools in the area are toying with a mid-summer start).

Anticipating lots of outdoor time this summer.

Work

My employer instructed all staff to begin work-from-home on Thursday March 19th. Mr. Starfish helped me move my computer screens and associated hardware from my office to our home, and I set up my work station in one of our guest bedrooms on an old Ikea kitchen table that we previously used for a basement craft station. While we don’t have an office in our home, my guest bedroom “office” has windows, a door for privacy, and is not too close to the kids’ frequent spots/activities.

The girls took over my workspace last weekend for a zoom date with their aunt and uncle.

Mr. Starfish works for a company that is based in St. Louis and was previously traveling there a couple of weeks a month while spending the rest of his work days at a rented office space here in Lexington. He has not traveled to St. Louis since the first week of March. He continues to go into his rented office space because he is isolated to his own office with closed doors and none of his office-mates have been using the building, so he is socially isolated there.

Kiddo emotional response

Lilly and Audrey were rounding the corner to their fourth birthdays when all of this hit. They were absolutely in a sweet spot in terms of independence and emotional regulation and the general magic that is four-year-olds (probably my favorite age). Overall I feel the kids have responded with a no-nonsense acceptance to social quarantine that is downright impressive and in many ways has outshined their mother’s emotional response (more on that later).

That said, it hasn’t been completely smooth sailing. They are both very sad about not being able to finish their PK-3 years at school. They miss their classmates, but they seem to miss their teachers the most. More than a few tears have been shed that they’ll never return to their PK-3 classrooms with those special teachers. One night, we all had a big cry together about how sad that was – it felt really cathartic to share our tears together. Mr. Starfish recently picked up their classroom items as the school year concluded, and I definitely shed a few more tears as I sorted through their crafts and half-finished projects.

They have also been bickering a lot more than normal. My hunch is that it is because they are spending more time together than ever and – let’s just be real – there are moments when they’ve had their fill of each other. This is something that I can totally relate to (hello, Mr. Starfish is suddenly always around!) and so we have been really trying to give them separate time away from each other on the weekends.

Still, overall, the girls have been really resilient, reasonable, and sweet throughout this time. I think it has benefited all of us in some ways to enjoy a more simple life without running to various activities all the time. They also became really interested in jokes during the quarantine and their attempts at humor have definitely helped to lighten up some of the tougher moments.

Lilly paints a rainbow for our window

Audrey tells a joke.

Adult emotional response

In some ways, I am envious of the simple view and emotions that my kids are feeling because my own emotions feel so much heavier. I’ve been through the same mix that I’m sure you all have experienced – from worry, fear, frustration, disbelief, and anger, to hope, inspiration, and hesitant relief. None of those emotions have been felt linearly, and all of them have flared up to some degree every single week.

I work in finance and there were moments (days really) during the market crash where I felt completely numb and powerless. I recall sitting down at my computer one morning and opening the news and just staring out the window with tears streaming down my face for at least 15 minutes.

I’ve been so angry with family members who were unable or unwilling to face the gravity of the situation that I avoided conversations with them for weeks. I’m really not sure I will ever forget some of their decisions and actions.

I’ve screamed at my husband for eating pita crackers too loud. More than once.

I’ve worried about my job security. And my home. And my health.

I’ve requested my older family members consider their death wishes and to be clear about their wills (https://fivewishes.org/).

I’ve taken up daily yoga again for the first time since my children were born.

I tried mindfulness.

I quit mindfulness.

I started taking morning walks every day. I now know the neighborhood streets like the back of my hand.

I’ve become obsessed with our yard. I’ve spent hours pulling every single leaf out of rows of bushes. I bought a weeder and pulled out every last dandelion weed from our lawn.

Last week, I had a sudden realization that my outdoor garbage bins were disgustingly filthy. I proceeded to spend an hour cleaning them.

A tea drinker, I realized while working at home how many half-full boxes and bins of tea I had accumulated. It’s become unreasonably important to me that I finish all of those packages of tea and by next week, I anticipate I will finally accomplish this critical feat.

I’ve done the same thing with candles. My anticipated timeline is probably two more weeks there at least.

I’ve been doing a lot of coloring these days. I prefer crayons over colored pencils. I’ve spent a solid chunk of time researching the best crayon sharpener on the market.

I’ve attended a zoom bridal shower.

And multiple zoom happy hours.

And more zoom work calls than I prefer to recall.

I’ve gotten to know our nanny better.

My children better.

My husband better.

Myself better. (The bad, the good, and – judging on my stream of thoughts above – the somewhat crazy.)

Looking forward

I think so many of us are thinking about what’s next. What is safe? What’s the right decision? Will there be another wave?

I don’t know.

All I can do is try to cope with the continued uncertainty. Allow my emotions to run their course. Practice gratitude. Make the best decisions that I can given the information that I have. Laugh heavily at 4-year-old jokes. And ok, maybe splurge on that electric crayon sharpener…