Whew, I can hardly believe that on Friday, my Little Bug is turning 5. This little boy is the highlight of my life. He is smart, sassy, funny, sweet, and so many other things. I’ve written him a little letter to tell him how much he means to me.

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Dear Little Bug,

Here we are… five years old. I can remember the day I found out I was pregnant. It was the same day that I found out that Mason, my wonderful basset hound, had cancer and needed to be put to sleep. I felt like Mason did this for me, made you. So that I wouldn’t be alone.

It took me several weeks to acknowledge that you were real. At 13 weeks, I started spotting and I lost it completely. At that point, I knew that you were wanted more than I could possibly express and losing you would be devastating to me. A nurse held my hand while a midwife did an ultrasound to make sure you were ok. They finally found you and the heartbeat, so strong. I cried with relief and knew that I had a bond with you that was stronger than anything I had experienced before.

7-ish months later, on a Thursday afternoon, I got done with my work at noon and headed home. I picked up your sister and we laid down on the couch to take a nap. Two hours later I woke up with some small contractions. They felt like nothing more than a little pulling, but they were consistent. By 5 pm, my water was trickling and I was having noticeably stronger contractions. The next several hours were spent between the shower and my bed. By 2 in the morning, I knew we needed to go to the hospital.

You made this labor easier than I expected. It was quick, painful, but tolerable. When it was time to push, you were ready to come out. I pushed once to get your head out and you moved it back and forth. I barely had to push again and you were out. They whisked you away because there was meconium in the birth fluid, but you were completely fine. I was beyond relieved to get to hold you, to feel your tiny hands, and to have your skin next to mine. You were mine right from that first moment together.

Later that night, I found out you only slept if you were on my chest. And so began 11 months of you and I sleeping while always touching. You were connected to me all the time, by my side, touching me. There were days that it made me crazy, but most days I craved the connection just as much as you did. By the time you were two, I knew that you were always going to be my buddy. We have a bond that is impossible to describe to other people.

Buggie, you are so incredibly special to me. You make my heart happy, you make my soul happy, you make me a better person. You are sweet, so wonderfully sweet. You give me everything I need to fill my cup. I love watching you navigate this world, whether it is eating a new food, or trying a new activity, or your dancing! You have an absolute zest for life. You are smart and inquisitive, and you love being able to explain things to people.

But the best thing about you is how you love the people you love. You are sensitive and caring and empathetic. You love people with your whole heart Bug. It is incredible to watch. I’ve never been around someone quite like you, so confident and yet so sweet.

From the first moment I held you until this moment now, I’ve loved you beyond belief. You are my bug, my little man, my best little boy. I can’t wait to see what’s next. Happy Birthday little man.

Love Mom