When talking to people with kids, there’s always a clear delineation of time before kids and time after kids. I personally don’t think one is better than the other, but I now know from experience that it is a drastic difference. I didn’t think so when I was pregnant—I really didn’t expect life to change too much, which was probably a little naive.

These days, I don’t mind performing my mama duties—changing diapers, bath time, playing with LM, making baby food, etc. I relish being a mom. What I do miss is dedicated time to myself. As a mama, it’s hard to carve out time for yourself without feeling selfish or guilty. I’ve gotten so used to putting LM’s needs first and then overall family chores and priorities next, but by the end of the day, there is next to little or no time for me.

I’ve always known that I’m the type of person who needs a lot of personal time and space to do things just for me. I’m not sure if everyone is that way, but I know people who are the opposite—who don’t like alone time and need to be surrounded by people all the time. It may sound selfish, but I need at least an hour every day to do whatever I want, just for me. It could be surfing the internet or working on one of my projects or blogging. I need it to be quiet and stress-free. Now that we have a baby, making time for that is near impossible. It’s not even that LM is difficult to care for, it’s just that there isn’t any time left. But I’ve learned that in order for me to be a better mama, I need to learn how to create that time for myself. It’s like when you fly and in the emergency demonstration they tell adults that they need to put their oxygen masks on first before helping your child with theirs.

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Papa Marbles really gets that I need time for me, which is why he was very gung-ho about making a crafting/project space in our basement. I have a little room for all my supplies and a big desk to work on my projects. Sadly, I have yet to use it yet because it’s not totally finished. But it’s a step in the right direction. As LM gets bigger and can play a little more independently, I’ll have a little more time to work on my projects.

In addition to making stuff, I also love taking courses and workshops and generally learning. I don’t get to do that as often as I like, but I still try to make time for it. It’s like people who have a need to travel and get antsy if they’re home for more than a few weeks at a time. I need to learn a new skill or to take a class otherwise I get crabby.

I have started to call this time Personal Pursuit Days. And they’re not just for me; Papa Marbles gets them too! In the new year, we’re going to try really hard to implement more Personal Pursuit Days. We had a few unofficial Personal Pursuit Days this year, and I noticed what a positive effect it had on me and my parenting. I felt refreshed and rejuvenated. A few examples of things I did on my Personal Pursuit Days: take a one-day food photography workshop; spent a day sightseeing in New Orleans; take a Photoshop workshop; and go to a craft fair. Papa Marbles usually takes Personal Pursuit Evenings since his interests revolve around music and movies. He would go to a late night show or a movie.

Now these are very different from Date Night (which we also have to get better at including in our schedule), since they are all activities I do alone. It’s my way of hitting the reset button, which in turn makes me a happier person and better mama. I don’t long for the pre-baby days when this wasn’t an issue. I actually feel that my life is just as fulfilling if not more! It’s just another caveat of learning to manage my time better.

How do you make time for yourself post-baby?