It’s been a couple of wild and emotional weeks at the Marbles’ household. The holiday season leading up to the Lunar New Year is the busiest time of year for me at work. Last year, I was very pregnant, but still managed to come out of the busy season fairly unscathed. But this year, it’s been a lot harder. Time management, despite my best efforts, is still a huge challenge as I grapple with not being able to stay at work late anymore, or work from home for more than five minute intervals. I felt worn out and tired all the time. I felt stressed and frustrated that I never got any personal time. I had no creative outlets or mental breaks because there just wasn’t time for any. And then the cherry on top: a few weeks ago, while showering, I was soaping my right underarm and my hand grazed across my right breast and I felt a hard lump.
It was then that the 5 million thoughts and to-do items that are constantly running through my mind came to a screeching halt. I ran my hand and fingers over the area over and over again and it was definitely there. The size of a quarter. Hard.
I started to cry uncontrollably. I just kept thinking, This is not happening again. I had cancer once. I had it removed and I am cancer-free.
I got out of the shower and toweled off. Little Marbles was already at my mother’s for the day. I got dressed and called for Mr. Marbles. He heard the distress in my voice and rushed up to see what was wrong. I told him about my discovery in the shower and asked if he was able to feel it too. I guided him to the spot and he was able to feel it as well. I called my OB right away and was able to get an appointment that day. (As an aside, my OB has always been more than accommodating to me because of my health issues, and has always made time for me even when I knew I was being obsessively paranoid over nothing.)
At the visit, my OB Dr. C was calm and optimistic. She kept me on happy thoughts by asking about LM’s progress and Mr. Marbles, whom she remembered well because he came to every appointment with me while I was pregnant. She performed an exam and confirmed that there was indeed a mass, but it was too early to jump to conclusions and the only way to be sure of it was to get an ultrasound. She noted that at my age, it was unlikely that it was cancerous, but considering my past history, we had to be extra careful. She wrote a referral for a breast ultrasound and I left determined to stay positive.
The following day was my company’s annual party, where I had to play hostess and MC for about 250 guests. In hindsight, it was a great momentary distraction from the whatif thoughts I was having. At home, when I wasn’t finalizing details for the party and taking care of our international guests, I would play with LM and start tearing up because I was worried and panicked that I wouldn’t get to see her grow up.
The days leading up to the appointment were dreadful for me, and even more so for poor Mr. Marbles. I was sad and morose and would snap at the slightest thing. Finally, a few days after the party, I got an appointment for the ultrasound. I was a ball of nerves. The mass was really bothering me because I could actually feel it, whereas with my thyroid cancer, it was practically undetectable unless viewed via ultrasound.
I arrived early for my appointment and was the first patient to be seen. The ultrasound technician was incredibly peppy and very friendly, which lifted my spirits a little. We started the exam and as she guided the ultrasound over my breast, I saw it on the screen… a perfectly round mass that looked like a dinner roll. I let out a huge sigh. I knew, from my research with thyroid cancer, that round meant that it was most likely benign. The technician also agreed with me, “I like what I see. Round is good!” She finished capturing all the images and then went to fetch the doctor for the final diagnosis.
Dr. H arrived and told me with much authority that it was a benign cyst and that many women have them, and they commonly occur with hormone fluctuations. She said several times, “It is not cancer and it will not become cancer. It is not a tumor. It is just a cyst filled with liquid.” With my pregnancy, the birth of LM, and adjustments to my thyroid medication, this would definitely apply to me.
Dr. H told me that they come and go and often appear right before menstruation begins. I asked about aspirating (using a syringe with a hollow needle to extract cells or fluid) the cyst, and Dr. H reminded me that it may return and refill with fluid. She told me to leave it alone if it wasn’t causing me pain, but if I really wanted to, I could have the procedure done that day. Without any hesitation, I told Dr. H that I wanted to remove the fluid and if it was at all possible, right at that moment. Dr. H agreed, got the paperwork in order, and found a nurse to assist. Within 10 minutes, the mass was gone. I told the nurse that they probably had never seen a woman happier to have a needle put into her breast.
Nothing can describe the relief I felt after leaving the doctor’s after having the cyst removed. I left feeling about 100 lbs. lighter, and could finally emerge from the depressive fog I had created for myself. I realized that despite having cancer before, this was different. Little Marbles is a part of our lives now. If anything happened to me, it would also impact her. I was so grateful for the good news.
A few days later, at my family’s annual Lunar New Year dinner, I looked around the table and felt extremely grateful to have gotten a “pass.” I was reminded again that all I want in life is to grow old with Mr. Marbles, see Little Marbles grow up, and to not sweat the small stuff. I vowed again to myself that I would slow down and not take anything for granted. Work and career were important, but not as important as my family, health, and happiness.
So despite a rocky start to the year, I’m hoping the rest of 2012 brings us nothing but smiles and laughter. Though it’s a little late, it is tradition in Chinese culture to start the Lunar New Year with greetings of good luck, fortune, and health. The Marbles family (with the help of Little Marbles) wishes everyone in the Hellobee community… Happy New Year, much good health, and luck in all your endeavors!
kiwi / 729 posts
So glad to hear you are cyst-free, Mrs. Marbles!! I teared a little when I read this entry as I certainly identify with the feeling that if something happens to us (as mothers and parents), my greatest sadness would be of how my LO would be affected. I wish you all the best in 2012.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
I’ve had a few friends with horror stories recently (post-partum) so I’m thrilled that it was just a cyst!
cherry / 114 posts
i’m glad that everything turned out okay. happy new year!
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
Wow, so glad you are ok!!!
blogger / pomegranate / 3201 posts
How scary! I’m so glad everything turned out ok!!
pear / 1723 posts
So glad for the positive outcome. All the women in my family get the same cysts around our periods (all in our left breast). My OB sent me for an u/s to make sure it was nothing more, but it’s exactly as you described. Kind of terrfying, but luckily begnin.
P.S. Little Marbles is totally adorable!
pear / 1965 posts
So glad there was a happy ending. Thanks so much for sharing. So happy for you everything worked out!
cherry / 207 posts
Very relieved to hear that all is well! Happy Lunar New Year!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
so glad it’s benign!!! happy new year!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I’m glad you’re okay!
honeydew / 7968 posts
so glad that everything turned out okay!
clementine / 994 posts
I’m so happy to hear that it was benign and easily taken care of! Happy new year!
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
Wow, so glad everything is ok. Little Marbles is soooooo cute!!
persimmon / 1465 posts
Phew! Happy 2012!
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
Wow, thank goodness it was nothing!
Little M is gorgeous. And I’m not just saying that because I kinda think she looks a bit like Baby Y!
cherry / 190 posts
Whew! That’s great news. I’ve had one of those cysts as well, and while they’re scary, it’s much less scary than cancer. I’ll raise a glass of wine to your good health!
apricot / 458 posts
Whew! So relieved for you, Mrs. M!
cherry / 116 posts
Thanks for sharing and thanks for reminding all of us to appreciate life and the simple things. I am so happy the way things have turned out for you. Happy New Year to everyone.
grapefruit / 4049 posts
Glad you’re fine! I also went through this. I had three of them at one time. However, this was back in my early 20s. If it were now, after having children, I would’ve been way more scared and stressed.
Your LO is adorable!!
persimmon / 1329 posts
i love the photo! she looks so adorable!
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
What a scare! I’m glad everything is OK. Your LO is just adorable.
pomegranate / 3045 posts
So glad you are ok, Mrs M!!
pea / 9 posts
that was a wonderful reminder (and exactly something i needed to be reminded of at this very instance). i’m so glad to hear you are ok and little marbles is just beyond precious!
happy lunar new years to you and your beautiful family as well!
pomegranate / 3503 posts
Hope you and your family have a great year of the dragon and many many more! Glad everything is okay.
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Whew! What a relief! I’m so glad to hear that it was nothing. I have had a fibroid on one side for almost 20 years now so I know the feeling. A friend of mine told me that wearing wireless bras are better so I’ve been wearing it ever since. It’s more comfortable IMO.
Hope you and your family have another happy and healthy lunar new year!
guest
I am so happy to hear that you are okay! This morning when I came to the site I was worried about some things going on in my life…after reading your post I realized how trivial all of it is, and am feeling much more grateful and happy for the way my life is. Thanks for posting this!
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
So happy to hear that you are okay! Happy Lunar New Year!
GOLD / apricot / 337 posts
Thanks for all the well-wishes and kind words about Little M everyone. I’m lucky to have such sweet friends and a sounding board in the Hellobee commnity.