It was early evening. I had just fed Baby Y his last solids of the day – squash and corn, plus some cooked pasta. He was the boss of that pasta, and I decided to exploit his good mood by putting him in his Around-We-Go as I cleaned the kitchen.
He played happily as I tackled a few dishes, and as I carefully washed one of our more imposing knives, I had one of those weird morbid Mommy thoughts: What if my baby ever got ahold of this? I can’t imagine seeing him hurt.
I shivered a little, put the knife in its proper, out-of-reach spot, and smooched Baby Y before I started scrubbing gunk off our table. Just as I got the last of it, Baby Y gave a sharp cry and started bawling.
“What’s the matter?” I asked him.
Of course, he just wailed. Strange, I thought.
“Tired of being contained?” I asked, picking him up and bringing him into the living room. His cries turned into a steady whine. Tired already? I wondered. I put him on his playmat, my knees aching from my most recent run as I bent down.
Then I froze. There were drops of red on the mat. And then I saw his foot, half-covered in blood.
My mind went blank – I just went on autopilot. I scooped him up, flew up the stairs (suddenly my knees felt just fine) and rushed him into the bathroom. We sat on the edge of the tub as I turned on the water. I had no idea where the blood was coming from and had to wash it off to see.
There was a small cut on the ball of his foot. Nothing serious. I exhaled, but I was shaking. That thing bled fast. I put a wet washcloth on it to stop the flow, but every time I took it away, another fat red bead would appear.
Finally, after a few minutes, I patted his foot dry and grabbed antibiotic ointment and a bandage. I wanted to make sure the cut didn’t get infected, and while I knew he might try to rip off (and eat!) the bandage, I resolved to watch him like a hawk so I could be sure the bleeding had stopped before bedtime.
When we went back downstairs, it was clear that Baby Y was absolutely fine. As he crawled after his stacking cups, I wiped the blood from his playmat and peered into the kitchen. I had no idea how he’d cut his foot, and after closely examining his toy and the floor for rough spots, foreign objects – anything, really – I still don’t.
Of course, that didn’t stop the guilt. Why did I let him rip off his socks? He should have been wearing socks! I shouldn’t have been cleaning. He wouldn’t have cut himself if I was watching him. This is what I get for having morbid mommy thoughts while washing knives.
Absurd, I know.
I also realize how ridiculous this all sounds to any mom who has seen her child through a medical situation that was, you know, actually serious. I’ve prided myself on being pretty level-headed for a new mom; now I feel like my street cred is totally blown.
Baby Y is fine. I just can’t help but think of all the bruises and falls and bloody noses that await us as he careens into toddlerhood, and beyond that, boyhood. Frankly, if this is a taste of the future, he’s not the only one who will need medical attention. I’ll need someone to jumpstart my heart each time.
Did you flip out the first time your baby got hurt?
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
“my street cred is totally blown” — LOL, cute!! so you never found out what made the cut?
i think my first real scare was at 7 months. LO was getting over a stomach bug at the time. she was cruising around and all of sudden fell backwards and bonked her head. she seemed fine but half an hour later vomited extremely violently. it could still have been the lingering stomach bug but we rushed to the ER just to be sure. i think DH and i stayed really calm because it was a real emergency at the time and we just wanted to remain level headed and not scare the LO. luckily, she was fine and was released after a few hours and tests. in the next room, was a bunch smaller child hooked up to IVs and everything. i am not sure what was wrong but that really made me feel blessed …. there are always other people going through something much worse than you are.
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts
You know things will happen, there will be bruises and cuts and it’s part of life. I fell down a flight of stairs when I was young. And I survived.
Mavrick fell down the stairs. And I came home to him with an extremely scabbed nose. He hurt himself at daycare. Don’t worry about it… you aren’t doing anything wrong.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I always freak out when LO bumps her head. I think the cause for my migraines might be from heavy things falling on my head, and I’m terrified it will happen to LO too. But of course she doesn’t even start crying until I start freaking out, so I know she’s really not even hurt by it.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
I’m usually cool as a cucumber with these things, but when Little Jacks had her kitchen stool accident last week, I completely lost it. The injury made it look like she could have had a serious spinal cord injury and I had visions of trachs and vents and ICUs and I couldn’t stop crying. It totally freaked Mr. Jacks out because he’s never seen me get worked up about something like this. Ugh, I’m still traumatized!
clementine / 889 posts
So far DS has only had minor bumps and scrapes. There was one weekend when I was home alone with DS when he fell over from standing and hit his head. He was fine, though I did call my step mom who is a nurse to be sure. But when, less than 24 hours later, he threw himself backward off my lap and hit his head again, I felt like the worst mom in the world. Who lets their baby fall twice in less than 24 hours? But he was fine. And when he had his first day care scrape, I handled it like a champ and didn’t overreact at all. I’ve had a few illness scares before – a huge red lump after a vaccine, a 104 fever and rapid breathing, and a (minor) allergic reaction to amoxicillin. But we’ve been good about calling my step mom or the doctor on call before rushing out the door. Usually my gut is a pretty good at telling me if something is wrong or not, and my step mom is a great first line of defense when I’m doubting myself.
guest
Our son took a tumble out of my arms and onto our tile floor at 3 months – he had a massive bump on his head and I stayed awake all night to make sure he kept breathing. I thought for sure I had caused him serious lifelong damage. He was perfectly content in 10 minutes thanks to breastfeeding! I still feel guilty even though he’s a totally happy, healthy, and bright almost 3 year old now! And all the bumps and bruises in between have been hard too! One of the joys of motherhood!
guest
When my oldest was tiny I was clipping her nails and caught her fInger tip. So much blood! She was crying, I was. crying, it was horrible. Felt like the worst mommy ever. Good thing my husband was hOme to take over.
persimmon / 1465 posts
We did the clip the finger instead of the nail thing as well. I felt like the worlds worst Mum. That thing bled!
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
@Andrea: Oh, how scary. And yes, way to keep things in perspective!
@Mrs. Jacks: Yikes! Do you think in this case your job made you freak more than you may have normally?
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@Mrs. Yoyo: I saw a life full of medical technology and C-spine injuries… things I never would have known so intimately if I didn’t take care of these kids who’ve had such freak accidents daily. It could happen to anyone in an instant. I know too much!