Awhile back, I read an excellent book called The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less by Barry Schwartz. The premise is fairly simple: The never-ending choices consumers have today are supposed to make life easier, but they often end up making it harder. Why? Because the sheer number of choices is totally overwhelming for many people. Schwartz details the scene at his local grocery:
My neighborhood supermarket is not a particularly large store, and yet next to the crackers were 285 varieties of cookies. Among chocolate chip cookies, there were 21 options. Among Goldfish (I don’t know whether to count them as cookies or crackers), there were 20 different varieties to choose from. Across the aisle were juices — 13 sports drinks, 65 box drinks for kids, 85 other flavors and brands of juices, and 75 iced teas and adult drinks. I could get these tea drinks sweetened (sugar or artificial sweetener), lemoned, and flavored.
To bring this back to parenting, I realize that I’m starting to fall victim to this “paradox of choice” when it comes to buying stuff for my little one. As Baby Y gets bigger, I’m facing this more and more as I look around for toys. There are SO MANY CHOICES, and I feel pressure to pick the single best one. It’s paralyzing.
According to Schwartz, this means I’m a “maximizer,” and thus a person who is likely to lose her mind when presented with too many choices. Whereas “satisficers” will be happy with any product that fits their criteria and not waste energy wondering whether there were better choices, “maximizers” research everything to death, examining every possible alternative so they can be confident they made the best decision – which is next to impossible in this world, of course. I did this with baby gear, and while I was ultimately happy with most of my choices, I remember how crazy-making it was during the research phase.
As I browsed Amazon the other evening, putting toys on Baby Y’s wish list, I realized I was doing it again. It took me eons to actually click the “add to wish list” button. I would read all the reviews, browse the similar items, and fall down a new rabbit hole of research. After all, if I was going to get him a play kitchen one day, it had to be the best play kitchen everrrrrr. And as for stocking that play kitchen with play food? Forget about it. Do you know many varieties of toy food there are? It’s ridiculous.
I am being especially hard on myself when it comes to toys because, well, I really don’t want Baby Y to have that many. I know that sounds horrid, so maybe I should clarify. I want him to have a good variety that will grow with him and stimulate his imagination and motor skills. I do not want him to have 10 toys that flash and blink and sing and do the same thing, or five kinds of race-car tracks, or two dozen stuffed animals. (We plan to hold off on big birthday bashes initially for this very reason!)
Even as young as he is now, Baby Y seems happier and more content when I give him a few toys to focus on, rather then putting him down on his play mat with every toy he owns spread around him. All that does is encourage him to play with something for two seconds and move on.
Ultimately, I am aware that there’s some irony here: I am determined to protect Baby Y from the paradox of choice, and because of that, I increasingly fall victim to it myself in an effort to make every toy count.
Are you overwhelmed by the choices you have for your kiddo, whether in the toy aisle or otherwise?
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
I love that book! I am definitely a satisficer in most parts of my life. Ultimately though, I think I’m happiest when I completely opt out of buying something at all.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
Interesting! I am mainly a satisficer. I was more of a maximizer when doing the initial buying, before my LO came and a few months after, because I really didn’t know what would be best so I researched more. But now I know more about my LO’s preferences and how she likes to play so I just try and find something that will fulfill that need and then quickly move on.
honeydew / 7504 posts
I think I’m probably a satisificer, mostly, though I have been known to research things to death. But what I find is that even when I research something, I end up going with something that falls kind of in the middle – I try to find the one that gets me the most bang for my buck.
Also, I don’t think that not wanting Baby Y to have too many toys sounds horrid. My husband and I have the same philosophy. It’ll be hard, though – first grandbaby for my parents, and first in 8 years for his parents. But we’re hoping to have fewer noisy distracting toys, and more interactive teaching toys that can grow with baby.
guest
So there is a name for what I do! So funny. It makes so much sense. I’m a classic maximizer and my husband is a classic satisfier. One reason why we can never shop together!! I research everything to death, and agonize over what to buy our 11 wk old. I hope like the post below that the baby will make me a satisfier…
squash / 13199 posts
we also want to keep toys to a minimum, I believe its more about the quality of the toys than the quantity. If people buy her lots of toys we just wont give them all to her at once.
clementine / 889 posts
I am definitely a maximizer. I remember being pregnant and standing in front of the bottles at BRU in, dazed, confused and overwhelmed. It is the same thing with most things I buy, although I’m doing better with it now. Possibly out of necessity, since there isn’t as much time to agonize over decisions with a LO climbing all over me.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
Maximizer here! But I get analysis paralysis A LOT. Part of the problem is that we’re always looking for sustainable, long lasting, value added toys.
Mr. Jacks will tell you though that I even apply the same principles to cereal and other minute decisions. It’s a bad habit!
persimmon / 1099 posts
Maximizer here! I even do this when meal planning and it drives my satificer husband insane! Does the book/article show you ways to combat this behavior?
coconut / 8299 posts
My husband and I are both definitely maximizers. But you know what? We actually like doing research! lol It makes me feel better about my final decision and I feel like I’m more in control over what purchases I can make. When I’m given only 1 or 2 choices, I get frustrated at times because I can pinpoint so many things that could be improved on that item.
pomegranate / 3329 posts
I am without a doubt a maximizer, my husband is a satisficer. I research everything to death, try to get the best deal and something that will keep it’s value. It will take me days sometimes weeks to settle on a larger purchase. I drive myself crazy.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
@eiko2010: I’m hoping grandparents will like the idea of a wish list. That way they don’t have to wonder what to get him and I don’t have to return stuff I’d rather him not have, ha.
@Mrsbells: Rotating toys is a great idea!
@Mrs. Jacks: Papa Y makes fun of me for researching everything to death, but he also clearly benefits from it. For instance, we’re moving soon and had an apartment lined up, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of living in a big apartment complex and kept looking looking looking. My stubbornness finally paid off and we found a great townhouse. He’s pretty happy I’m a maximizer now
@Nskillet: I think it does, but it’s been ages since I’ve read it! I’ll have to dig it out to see.
@banana: I have always liked it too … the problem now is that if I waste my few hours of free time after Baby Y goes to bed researching minor purchases, I feel guilty for not having been productive some other way. But I loved researching baby gear before he was here because I had the time to do it back then
guest
I laughed reading this, because I am definitely a “satisficer,” while my husband is a “maximizer,” which as you can imagine, leads to a lot of tug-of-war when we need to decide on something together.
But, to the main point of your post, I have noticed that my toddler plays better by herself when there are only a few toys to choose from, rather than a whole room full of toys, as ironic as that is. I have found that rotating the toys works really well, because the toys seem new and exciting when they reappear after being out of rotation for a while, and it also limits the number of toys in the play area at a time.