This past week was tough on the High Heels household. First, Mr. Heels got sick, then Toddler Heels got sick, and finally… Mama Heels got sick. I guess it could’ve been worse; this was just a normal cold running its course and none of us really experienced any high fevers. The highest temp I logged on Baby Heels was 99.2 degrees. However, it’s still no fun to be a family of sickos. 
It was tough to maintain enough energy to care for an ailing husband and sick toddler while still feeling extremely exhausted from my pregnancy and trying to nurse my own cold. I drank a lot of water, orange juice, and tea, and slept as much as I could so I could recover quickly. I haven’t been desperate enough to take medicine yet and hopefully won’t need to!
Thankfully, Toddler Heels chose this week to come out of her clingy, needy phase and started to become much more independent than she had in months! This alleviated some of the stress. She would play on her own while I was free to just sit back and watch. And despite her cold, she was in great spirits!
Fun in the tub – she doesn’t even seem sick!
Excuse the… uh… black box
This sweet face keeps me going when the going gets rough
One thing I haven’t mentioned yet is our current living situation. My in-laws ran into some financial difficulties not too long ago, and ended up moving in with us. What was supposed to be a temporary living situation has become somewhat indefinite/sort of permanent. While I was less-than-thrilled by this at first, it has turned into one of those blessing in disguise situations. My in-laws are thoughtful, considerate people and have been incredibly helpful when it comes to raising Toddler Heels. This past week, when we were both sick as dogs, my MIL cooked huge batches of homemade chicken soup and took on the care of Toddler Heels while we were able to rest every now and again. Even an hour here or there makes all the difference in the world!
A living situation like ours was much more of a norm in the past, when it was not uncommon for families to have their extended family live just down the block from them, if not with them. Times have changed, and we are a far more independent, segregated society than ever before. The African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child” holds so true for us. And I’ve seen it proven time and again amongst friends who have family around versus those who don’t. Even with the extra help, I’m exhausted and long for a break from parenthood at times (does this make me a bad mom?).
How do those without any support do it? Though at first I wasn’t sure about my in-laws encroaching on my private space, now I couldn’t be more thankful for the extra set of eyes, ears, and hands around the house.
For those of you who don’t have help or family nearby, how do you get by during difficult times when you’re feeling extra tired and/or sick? Would you ever consider living with your parents or in-laws or would you rather live without?
clementine / 889 posts
I moved back home with my parents after I graduated from graduate school and was looking for a job. It wasn’t easy, with 3 step siblings still in high school living in a small house. It was wonderful to finally move in with DH and for us to have our own space. I love having my inlaws close and my parents only a few hours away, for frequent visits, but I don’t think I could handle living with them.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
I’m really on the fence on this one. My mom stayed with us for 3 months when M was born. It was such a HUGE help and I missed her instantly! She watched M so I could catch a break, she did our laundry, made dinner, cleaned, etc. My mom is THE awesome Asian grandmother! But alas, she had to go home and watch my nephew who is 8 days older because she lives with my brother.
As much of a help as she was she also drove my husband and I bonkers at time. We SO appreciated her help and knew we would never get that kind of help from my American ILs. But man did we need our space as a young family.
That being said, we would never reject my mom if she needed/wanted to come live with. We’ll just have to build a IL suite
In an ideal world we would live close enough to my mom so we can drop her off daily for babysitting!
GOLD / grape / 85 posts
my sister-in-law is currently living with us and i agree, total blessing-in-disguise =). hope your family is feeling better!
pineapple / 12793 posts
My MIL is having some rough financial times and we’ve talked about her staying with us in return for childcare, unfortunately both DH and I have absolutely no interest in her taking care of the baby nor in living with her. If it were my mom we’d take her in in a heartbeat.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
I don’t think we would ever choose to live with my parents or in-laws, but if they really needed our help, then that would be a different story. I just wish that we had some family nearby so that we could get a break every once in a while. It is hard not to have any back-up. I see so many kids with their grandparents on the weekends and I wonder what the parents are doing. Having a date? Having a nap? It does make me jealous sometimes!
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
@Andrea: ditto! I mentioned this to a co-worker and she said yeah but it’s not like they are IN town. Um, they live 30 minutes away, that’s IN town. It means if you want a date night you have someone to call.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
That’s the happiest sick baby ever!! Hope you’re starting to feel better. I think we could handle either set of parents living with us for a short-time, but if it was permanent, we’d probably look for a home that had some sort of back house/mother-in-law quarters. We’re actually hoping that both of our mothers will take turns staying with us for a few weeks after I go bak to work, so we can put off putting our LO in daycare for a little bit longer.
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
My parents live in the house next door. It is the best of both worls I think. They are right here and have dinner with us every night but we also have some space in the evenings when the kids go to sleep. With four kids under four my parents have been a life saver
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Aaaw… hope you’re all feeling better soon! She is just absolutely adorable! We are w/o any family nearby and it can be very tiring. I would LOVE to have a weekend to just do whatever, even if it’s to get our 3 y.o.’s room ready. We’ve been working at it for a month now b/c we just don’t have time to do anything in there with two kids. Just a date night would be nice. I’m not comfortable hiring a sitter b/c our youngest is only 4.5 months. Maybe when he’s older. The only time we go out on our own is when we visit my husband’s sister’s family 3 hours away. And that’s not often at all.
I’d love for my parents (who live half way around the world) to live with us part time but they can’t. My in-laws (who live 4-5 hours away) come from time-to-time but I just don’t feel comfortable with them taking care of both kids, especially if my MIL has asthma and FIL is half paralyzed. I don’t mind for a couple of hours but that’s it.
blogger / pear / 1964 posts
I’d like a compound for family members – one piece of property where we’re all geographically close, but also our own spaces. A duplex, garage apartment, multi-family house are things we’re considering for our next home. I want them close, but I also like my space.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@regberadaisy: I find that people with family readily nearby to help (yes, 30 min is nearby!) make the most callous remarks to me. They just have no clue how hard it is with zero help and they take theirs for granted.
pomelo / 5178 posts
We don’t have any family nearby, but we kind of like it that way.
We like our independence too much and, uh, our families are a bit overbearing…
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@regberadaisy – ooh an in-law suite sounds perfect… or even better, an in-law guest house! the good thing is they have their own room and we have our own room, so it does help that we all have some personal space. they have a tv in their room so they are rarely in the living room so that also helps that my IL’s aren’t always in our face.
@mrs. makeup – thanks! slowly but surely getting there with lots and lots of chicken soup.
@oliviaoblivia – does your MIL have a really difficult personality? it does help that my MIL has a very gentle, quiet personality. i think my own mom would drive me up the wazoo.
@Oceanis723 – that sounds like the perfect setup!!
@Mrs. Blue – i have a friend that had exactly that sort of situation. for 2 weeks in mom came, and then the next 2 weeks her husband’s parents came. it really worked for them because by the end of that month they had a much better handle on everything and was happy to have their space back too.
@andrea – that’s sad that you get that kind of reaction from people! i’m the opposite, i actually really admire those who do it all without any help. i feel insecure at times because i do have help. i sometimes wonder if people think of me as “less of a mom” because of that. because i do need help, and i can’t do it all.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
she’s so cute!!!
My family has talked about moving in together (parents, 5 other siblings, 2 spouses and one other baby!). And i think we would all do fantastic- I would totally love it. But I know my SIL would eventually want her space, and my dad knows he couldn’t get rid of his house.
I think it would be cool to either have a family “commune” or a huge house with separate suites, but still with main communal areas like kitchen, grand room etc.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I hope everyone is feeling better!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@leialou – thank you! we’re slowly getting there… the insomnia i went through the last two nights didn’t help, but it could be worse!
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
awww get well soon!
we are def lucky to have both sets of our parents only a 20 min drive away. my mom will also be our primary caretaker when i go back to work. it is def a blessing and i will not take it for granted.