We started our doula search in July. Up until last week, we were still searching. I didn’t think finding a doula would be difficult, but it turned out to be one of the more complicated, emotionally stressful aspects of my pregnancy. I think we spoke with at least five different doulas in an attempt to find THE ONE.
We began our doula search with an agency recommended by my OBGYN. This agency coordinates the services of ten or fifteen doulas that work as part of a group; some of them are fully certified, while others are doulas in training. The agency facilitates contact between clients and doulas, handles scheduling, and manages all the contracts. This agency charges $600 for two prenatal visits, doula support during labor at both home and the hospital, and one postpartum visit.
In order to help clients select a doula and find the best match, the agency provides an “About Us” section where pregnant moms can read bios written by each of the doulas. Here’s where we ran into a roadblock: almost all of the bios had strong religious overtones. For example, bios included things like “I’m … a Daughter of the Lord Jesus Christ,” and indicated that they worked as a doula because they were answering God’s calling. We are not religious and we would be uncomfortable incorporating religion into our birthing process, so we didn’t immediately connect with anyone listed.
I totally understand that a good doula would NEVER impose their beliefs on a mom; the doula should customize the birth experience to the mom’s wishes. That means if a mom doesn’t want to pray or bring religion into the delivery room, then the doula would honor those desires. Although I recognize this, it still made it very difficult for Mr. Tricycle and I to find a doula we “clicked with” based on their bios alone.
Because we struggled to make a connection, we put off making a decision. While we waited, the number of doulas available for our November birth dwindled. I was starting to feel a little desperate, so when a new co-worker shared her doula experiences, I was all-ears. It turns out she had the same concern about the religious element, and had spent a while searching for someone she really felt a connection with. Ultimately, her doula experience was wonderful, and she happily gave me the name and number of the women she’d worked with. I called the doula and our initial conversation was promising. I thought our search had ended, but then the doula’s husband was hospitalized and she decided the timing wouldn’t work. She was kind enough to provide two more names, but both of those doulas were already booked. Of these two doulas, one provided two more names. Are you still with me? It was like a doula grapevine.
So now we were down to two doulas, and my anxiety was at an all time high. I had six weeks to go, and no doula. It was time to make a decision! Doula A and Doula B both practiced independently and each had their own Web site. I’m a little bit of a Web site snob, and I find myself cringing if the writing on a site isn’t 100% perfect. Although both Doula A and Doula B sounded fantastic, Doula A’s site was more professional, so Mr. Tricycle and I called her first. Doula A seemed nice enough in during our initial conversation, didn’t mention religion or faith, and best of all, she was available in November. Here’s where I made my big mistake: we verbally agreed to work with her after only a ten-minute phone conversation.
When I’m anxious, I tend to make decisions just for the sake of making a decision, rather than putting a whole lot of thought into the process. After hanging up, we immediately started second-guessing ourselves. Yes, Doula A was available, but at $1,000.00 for labor support, plus another $250 for childbirth prep classes, her services were significantly more than what we’d originally budgeted. Also, Doula A was a big fan of Birthing From Within, which is a method I’m totally uncomfortable with. Needless to say, the Tricycle household didn’t get a lot of sleep that night as we went back and forth about the decision.
By morning, I knew we’d made the wrong call, and e-mailed the doula first thing to let her know we’d changed our minds. Doula A wasn’t super happy to hear our decision – she’d already sent out her contract, and apparently that’s not something she ever does if clients aren’t 100% sure they want to use her. I felt bad going back on a verbal agreement, but it just wasn’t the right decision for us.
We had one last option: Doula B and her slightly imperfect Web site.
Stay tuned for Part II – our conversation with Doula B and what we learned along the way about picking a doula.
Do you ever make snap judgments under pressure and then later regret them?
pomegranate / 3225 posts
oh, yikes. Who knew it would be so hard! I’m really shocked by all the religious overtones from doulas you ran into. I always though it would be more “hippie” types, I guess!
I considered a doula but the one that taught our birthing class I never “clicked” with, and another in our area I was turned off by the website (another website snob!). I guess at this point I’m going to wing it without one.
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
Wow, I had no idea you had such a struggle finding a doula! We decided we wanted to use one really late (like a week ago) and wound up getting the exact doula we were looking for on the first try since she happened to have November availability and her prices were great (and she had an AWESOME website!).
Can’t wait for part 2!
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
@kml636: Agreed! I’m surprised about all of the religious undertones Mrs. Tricycle came across!
guest
We were lucky to find a great doula after talking with 3 different people on the phone and then in person with our chosen doula. I also started with a doula co-op, but didn’t find anyone there who I clicked with.
I know several people who’ve found their doulas through the doula “grapevine” like you. There is a popular childbirth/doula-instructor in our town and if you email her she’ll send out the call to all of the doulas she has trained and then they contact YOU if they’re available and think they’d be a good fit.
olive / 61 posts
Looking forward to see how your story ends. Like I mentioned on the boards, ours was assigned to us and thankfully she is wonderful and very open to our wants and needs. I hope that you found somebody that will provide you the support you are looking for during labour.
coffee bean / 29 posts
Our doula was definitely more of the “crunchy granola” variety, and definitely not religious. That’s interesting so many were in your search! – Maybe it’s a regional thing?
guest
Holy smokes. 1) I have been following this blog for awhile but haven’t gotten around to commenting until now because 2) this is absolutely fascinating to me. I’m trying to help my friend Julia get ready for her newborn, so I’m intrigued by all the other services that new, expecting parents have to choose from to help them… picking a doula is something I have yet to look into. I feel for you here because it’s so easy for us to pick everything else in our lives, and this is an important one, but the process to pick one is so painful. I look foward to reading your second post on this! I also almost spit up my coconut water about that one woman’s line in her bio.
pear / 1672 posts
This is an interesting experience. I’ve done a cursory research so far and have not found this about doulas at all. I agree with AKR1984. Do you think this is regional? I’m actually relatively religious myself, so this wouldn’t bother me. I would just hope that any doula we choose is knowledgeable about birth and into helping us through the process.
blogger / pear / 1964 posts
I actually spent some time, while writing this post, looking for research about douals and religion. Although many doulas specifically market themselves as “Christian doulas,” I’m not sure why religion plays a large role in the practice of so many. Anyone else out there know why so many doulas come from a strong faith background?