We started our doula search in July. Up until last week, we were still searching. I didn’t think finding a doula would be difficult, but it turned out to be one of the more complicated, emotionally stressful aspects of my pregnancy. I think we spoke with at least five different doulas in an attempt to find THE ONE.

We began our doula search with an agency recommended by my OBGYN. This agency coordinates the services of ten or fifteen doulas that work as part of a group; some of them are fully certified, while others are doulas in training. The agency facilitates contact between clients and doulas, handles scheduling, and manages all the contracts. This agency charges $600 for two prenatal visits, doula support during labor at both home and the hospital, and one postpartum visit.

In order to help clients select a doula and find the best match, the agency provides an “About Us” section where pregnant moms can read bios written by each of the doulas. Here’s where we ran into a roadblock: almost all of the bios had strong religious overtones. For example, bios included things like “I’m … a Daughter of the Lord Jesus Christ,” and indicated that they worked as a doula because they were answering God’s calling.  We are not religious and we would be uncomfortable incorporating religion into our birthing process, so we didn’t immediately connect with anyone listed.

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I totally understand that a good doula would NEVER impose their beliefs on a mom; the doula should customize the birth experience to the mom’s wishes. That means if a mom doesn’t want to pray or bring religion into the delivery room, then the doula would honor those desires. Although I recognize this, it still made it very difficult for Mr. Tricycle and I to find a doula we “clicked with” based on their bios alone.

Because we struggled to make a connection, we put off making a decision. While we waited, the number of doulas available for our November birth dwindled. I was starting to feel a little desperate, so when a new co-worker shared her doula experiences, I was all-ears. It turns out she had the same concern about the religious element, and had spent a while searching for someone she really felt a connection with. Ultimately, her doula experience was wonderful, and she happily gave me the name and number of the women she’d worked with. I called the doula and our initial conversation was promising. I thought our search had ended, but then the doula’s husband was hospitalized and she decided the timing wouldn’t work. She was kind enough to provide two more names, but both of those doulas were already booked. Of these two doulas, one provided two more names. Are you still with me? It was like a doula grapevine.

So now we were down to two doulas, and my anxiety was at an all time high. I had six weeks to go, and no doula. It was time to make a decision! Doula A and Doula B both practiced independently and each had their own Web site. I’m a little bit of a Web site snob, and I find myself cringing if the writing on a site isn’t 100% perfect. Although both Doula A and Doula B sounded fantastic, Doula A’s site was more professional, so Mr. Tricycle and I called her first. Doula A seemed nice enough in during our initial conversation, didn’t mention religion or faith, and best of all, she was available in November. Here’s where I made my big mistake: we verbally agreed to work with her after only a ten-minute phone conversation.

When I’m anxious, I tend to make decisions just for the sake of making a decision, rather than putting a whole lot of thought into the process. After hanging up, we immediately started second-guessing ourselves. Yes, Doula A was available, but at $1,000.00 for labor support, plus another $250 for childbirth prep classes, her services were significantly more than what we’d originally budgeted. Also, Doula A was a big fan of Birthing From Within, which is a method I’m totally uncomfortable with. Needless to say, the Tricycle household didn’t get a lot of sleep that night as we went back and forth about the decision.

By morning, I knew we’d made the wrong call, and e-mailed the doula first thing to let her know we’d changed our minds. Doula A wasn’t super happy to hear our decision – she’d already sent out her contract, and apparently that’s not something she ever does if clients aren’t 100% sure they want to use her. I felt bad going back on a verbal agreement, but it just wasn’t the right decision for us.

We had one last option: Doula B and her slightly imperfect Web site.

Stay tuned for Part II – our conversation with Doula B and what we learned along the way about picking a doula.

Do you ever make snap judgments under pressure and then later regret them?