Hellobee

When I was ten years old, my mom and stepfather welcomed a baby boy into our family. When I was twelve, and he was two, they added a set of twins to the mix! I was in middle school when my youngest siblings arrived, so I was very aware of my environment and surroundings, and those memories affect how I parent now.

My sister told me I couldn’t write about them unless I gave them a cool nickname like Scribble, so here I am with Doodle and Scratch!

I will admit, having three much younger siblings caused me to delay motherhood for a while. I couldn’t help but remember how much work it took! Having a toddler, two infants, and a teenager at the same time was a mighty task. My parents’ time and resources were spread thin. All of their kids, including myself, were at phases that required intense attention.

So I didn’t rush into parenting. But once I decided to have a child, I was much more armed for the challenge than I would have been otherwise.

Lots of baby-care tasks, like cleaning bottles or bathtime, felt second-nature to me because I had seen and helped my mom to do these things when I was young.  My mother stayed at home once my oldest younger brother was born, and because of her example I also decided to try my hand at stay-at-home parenting. I was prepared intellectually– if perhaps not emotionally– for the reality of the job: the endless tasks, the constant mess. My mom would spread out a quilt and play with the kids on the floor all day long. At the time I didn’t understand how someone could give themselves over completely to their children; now I also spend the better part of my days on the floor with Scribble and understand what a pleasure and privilege it is.

My brothers before my wedding in 2008; Charis Photography

To keep a toddler and two infants clean, fed, and entertained, my mom needed lots of stuff!  Being familiar with baby gear at a young age helped me to understand which items were true necessities. I am sure I would have fallen for the lure of unneeded baby specialty items had I not seen my mother do without them, or my siblings destroy them.  I know how much stuff is needed to keep three children clean and happy, and I see having only one young child as a luxury. As a result, I try to use the least amount of gear possible.  For many outings we don’t even use a diaper bag; I just throw a diaper, extra outfit, and small wipes case into my purse and go. I selected the most basic, easily-cleaned high chair, recalling the days when my siblings were covered from head-to-toe with zwieback cracker goop!

When we moved into our home last spring, I purposefully didn’t buy many knick-knacks, knowing that those items would soon be stowed away indefinitely. I looked for a house with an open floor plan, remembering the evenings when the kids would eat and play in shifts. During that phase my mom spent most of her time in the kitchen, and needed to be able to see into the living room easily to monitor their behavior. We will start babyproofing soon, and the task seems a lot less daunting to me because I remember all the steps my parents took to secure their house.  Each cabinet, closet, and door was locked; there was netting on every banister. I got used to unlatching and high-stepping over baby gates to get to the kitchen for a glass of water at three in the morning.

My parents used to explain to me that chores were a obligation of every member of our family; this is something I agree with now, although like most teens I balked at the time.  I was fortunate to earn an allowance by completing a few weekly and nightly tasks.  As I aged I learned to tell the difference between my friends who did chores and those who were not expected to help out. So many of my friends were overscheduled as teenagers, and their parents were so picky about housework, that they never learned the basics of self-care. Once they got to college, it was a real challenge for these friends to learn how to clean a home efficiently and quickly, not to mention to do laundry or iron their own clothes. I tend to cut corners when I do housework, but I believe this comes from living in a family that never had enough time to get a job fully done before they had to move on to another mess! I learned not to make perfect the enemy of good.

My favorite picture of my sister and me

My parents always tried to expose us to new cultures and environments.  In spite of the real difficulty of travelling with four children, we managed to take a family vacation every year, sometimes more than one. My favorites were trips to Hilton Head Island; we bicycled to the beach and my mom would pull the twins (and the overflowing beach bag) in a caddy that trailed behind her bike while my stepfather carried my brother in a seat attached to his. It boggles my mind to imagine the amount of work (and sunscreen!) required to get us all on the beach, but I’m so thankful for their effort because we have so many great memories from those trips. In the afternoon my parents would bring the kids in for naps and quiet time before dinner, which gave me the chance to explore our surroundings by myself. I think I am a much more independent person because my parents didn’t have the time to helicopter around me like so many others did.

My mom made the best of her vocation. She sewed, painted, stitched, refurbished furniture, knitted, planned killer parties, took vacations with friends, had weekly date nights with my stepfather, and did amazing DIY projects well before the age of Pinterest. I don’t think I ever wore a store-bought Halloween costume or gave drugstore valentines to my classmates. I was an eclectic kid who was actually willing to wear homemade clothes to school! Watching my mom has helped me to realize the vast potential I have as a stay-at-home mother to create my own experience.  She also taught me to be creative as a parent. I remember my mom hiding my brother’s pacifiers when it was time to wean him, pinning up sheets to create a “mini nursery” in the master bedroom, and showering with the babies in shifts to make bath time more efficient. 

Goofing off at Top of the Rock

Perhaps most importantly, watching my siblings grow up has helped me to understand that it does, indeed, get easier.  My siblings are in high school now; one is graduating next spring. It is shocking to imagine that all the hard work my parents put into raising us is almost done; soon they’ll be able to enjoy the fruits of their labor. Sometimes I start to go a little insane, sitting in the house with a non-verbal infant. But watching my siblings grow up helps me to remember that I have so much to anticipate as my baby gets older. It also helps me to savor each phase, knowing from personal experience how fleeting these moments are.

There’s always one joker, right?

And now I have three truly great friends!  Now that my siblings are older, we go on vacations to adult destinations, have the same taste in television shows, and can talk about silly or serious topics with equal fervor. As they approach adulthood they are finding their own interests, and it is exciting to see them tackle projects with enthusiasm and passion.

How many siblings do you have? Are you the oldest, middle, or youngest child? How has that affected you as a parent?