Recently I was visiting with a friend whose baby just turned two months old. I could see that look in her eyes as she sat in my living room. I know that look well. I had that look. I still have that look some days. It is the what on earth did I just get myself into look. It is that I can’t see the forest for all these trees look. It is the new mom look.
It prompted me to write this post and share what I wish I could have made myself hear in those early days.
Me and my little tea cup, five days into our adventure together
It is going to be okay. Not only is it going to be okay but you are doing a good job.
There are probably going to be tears. You will cry in frustration, fear and a million other emotions that you never knew you could feel. It is okay to cry. We teach our children that it is okay to express what they are feeling and it is okay for you to do it as a Mom. Let go and remember you do not have to be perfect at this. Although you may not feel like it, you are already amazing because you love your little one enough to keep trying and wanting to do better.
There may be times when you feel like you can’t go on. When the tiredness goes beyond the physical and into the emotional and you wonder if you have anything left to give. You do and you will. The beginning of motherhood is an amazing and difficult time filled with so much love and excitement, combined with doubt and wonder of how things are ever going to feel normal again. Your life is not over, nor will it ever be the same. Everyday find a little something good that happened. Repeat this to yourself : every day is a new day, every day will be a little better. That love that you already feel is only going to get stronger and before long they will be able to show you how much they love you in return.
Ask for help. It is not a sign of weakness. You are not expected to know everything the day that they hand you your baby. Help may be asking someone to hold the little one while you take a shower. A shower can make you feel like a new woman. Help might be sharing what you are going through. Having someone relate to you will help you realize that you are not alone and remind you that you don’t have to feel guilty for what you are feeling or struggling with. A cup of tea will always help as well — even moreso if you have some chocolate with it.
Lastly, remember to be gentle with yourself. You will make it through the trees and see the forest in no time.
xoxo
What do you wish you could say to a new mom out there or to yourself reflecting back on those early days?
apricot / 288 posts
Every baby is different. What someone else swears worked wonders for them and their baby might not work for you. That’s okay. Your baby is still perfect even if they don’t sleep as much or eat as much or smile as much as another baby the same age.
blogger / apricot / 424 posts
@reyorra: well said! Every baby is so wonderful and unique
pomegranate / 3275 posts
The work of a newborn quickly becomes enjoyment. The first giggle is magical, the first word is exciting, the first step is thrilling, the first birthday party is magical, the first friend is extraordinary, and the first day of school, which I haven’t experience yet, but I have a feeling it is going to be stupendously emotional.
guest
Thank you for this post, very well said. My first baby is turning 4 months this Friday and I definitely wish I would have read this some time during her first month:) Great advice for a new mom.
blogger / apricot / 424 posts
@MamaBehr: I still smile in delight everytime my daughter laughs! I can only imagine what it will be like to hear her first word
It so true that the work soon becomes enjoyment!
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
Your photo at 5 days is SO stunning.
kiwi / 643 posts
You just made me cry! They are good, happy tears…ones that make me feel like I am not alone. Thank you so much.
blogger / apricot / 424 posts
@twoofeverything: Thank you! It was a tough post to write and made me quite emotional. However I am so glad that someone felt better because of it!
cherry / 155 posts
(First, oh my goodness your photo is amazingly lovely!)
I appreciate this post too- I remember sitting on my porch with my 3 week old asleep in a carrier on my chest and googling ‘when does it get better??’ on my laptop.
I was chatting with a friend who is pregnant and I was trying to tell her a little of what is in your letter– but I realize you can’t describe it until you are in it. I’ll go visit her when she is in the first few months with a newborn and I’ll point her to your letter. After I hold the baby while she showers
Thanks!
grape / 75 posts
great post! BEAUTIFUL picture!!!!!
blogger / persimmon / 1220 posts
This is perfect! I had that “look” for at least two months straight, wondering how in the world I thought I could do this. Now LO is almost two and I love being her mom and can’t imagine my life without her. But those first couple months were ROUGH to say the least.
grapefruit / 4923 posts
i have a 10 week old and really appreciate this post.
i’m not through the trees yet, but i would echo what @reyorra: said. also, you can read all the books and advice and how-to’s before the baby arrives, but what is not mentioned (and should be trumpeted) is that all the techniques and tips purportedly leading to a perfect baby often do not work–and when that happens, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. you are not doing anything wrong just because your baby is different from other babies, and you are still a wonderful mother when your baby is doing something other than what babies are “supposed” to be doing.
the picture is beautiful!
blogger / apricot / 424 posts
@RLCeigh: I remember googling that too! So glad you enjoyed the post. You are such a great friend to already be planning to hold the little one so your friend can take a shower
@ainsworthe: Thank you! let me tell you it was a single “peaceful” moment in time ha!
@edelweiss: So very true! Every baby is so very different and there is no “fix all”technique/trick out there in reality. So glad you got something from my words, those early days can be so rough!
@Mrs Checkers: It changes so much and so quickly! I now miss my daughter sometimes while she naps ha ha! In those early days…well you know how it is
cherry / 175 posts
This is beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Definitely was a boost after the difficult days we’ve been having the past few weeks.
It is so hard being a new mom (even having grown up the oldest of 9 children, so I’ve definitely had experience with taking care of babies). There is nothing quite like it. That feeling of responsibility runs deep and you don’t want to mess ANYTHING up. But each child (and mother) is unique. There’s no cookie cutter method. But it is so vital to reach out to others for help and reassurance, to bounce ideas off of each other, to offer and be offered words of sympathy, etc. Thank you for the reminder.
grape / 90 posts
When I had THAT LOOK, I needed reminders that: A) You WILL sleep again! Promise! and B) the best is yet to come. This weekend my son pointed to a yellow flower and said, “lellow!” – it’s the first time he’s named a color. I cannot adequately express the joy and pride I felt at that, and the privilege it is to share moments of discovery with a child.
grapefruit / 4669 posts
I am glad I ran across this post 2 months in. All I can say is AAAAAAAH!!!!!!