Even though I am a mom now, I’m also still a card carrying member of the infertility crowd. What I love about the Hellobee Infertility ladies is the kindness and positivity. I’ve been involved, though not as much, in other infertility forums, and the one thing I took from them was negativity. I had to make myself stop participating because I was becoming negative myself. So, after that little PSA about how amazing the IF ladies are, I want to invite you to chat with us if you’re not sure you want to jump in or not. Talking to us doesn’t mean you’re labeled, but it definitely made me feel better to talk to someone about my feelings. Also, it doesn’t matter if you’re just finding out you’re having problems TTC or if you’re an IF vet. There is no time requirement. Come on in.
That being said, I want to share with you some of the tips those of us with experience have collected that may help you if you’re just beginning on this journey. They’re things we wish we had known in the beginning. Spaniellove started the thread, and with her blessing I’m sharing it with you.
- Ask the clinic if their lab/bloodwork hours listed are up to date. These seem to change frequently for some reason. Ask if you need an appointment for the lab or if you just walk in.
- Ask exactly what you’re supposed to do when AF makes her appearance. Also make sure to ask what day 1 looks like. Some say first day of bright red blood, others say first day of heavy flow.
- Have a list of your questions to ask when you get someone on the phone. It’s hard to get someone in the first place, so make good use of the person you finally get.
- Don’t buy digital pregnancy tests! They are expensive, and I think we all collectively agree, seeing the words “not pregnant” is more painful than not seeing a line.
ADVERTISEMENT - An ultrasound is not how it appears in the movies. There is no jelly on the belly and an exciting picture on the screen. They’re going to do the ultrasound by putting the wand up in your business and the picture will be hard to recognize anything.
- A baseline ultrasound (the very beginning of your cycle) is done while you’re bleeding. So there’s that.
- Communication with your insurance company is key. Not all states require coverage, and the ones that do have coverage often have limitations. Find out what you’re getting into first so you know how you’ll proceed. Another note: in my case, PCOS was covered by insurance, so I was caught off guard when suddenly nothing was covered when we started seeing the RE. My insurance offers zero coverage for infertility, so that is something I wish I had known before I was paying out of pocket for an ultrasound.
- Communication with the billing office of your doctor’s office is also key. It’s often a bummer to talk to them, but MerryC got good news from hers!
- You cannot be over prepared for an appointment. Take too much with you. I always took my folder that contained every bit of paperwork I had with me. Just. In. Case. Often my doctor didn’t have the info from my last appointment, and when I switched doctors they didn’t have everything right on hand. More often than not my doctor would look at my copy of records instead of his own.
- Wear socks! Stirrups are cold.
- Talk to someone. Infertility is a very emotional process, and no two people experience it the same. Cut yourself some slack and don’t be too prideful. It’s hard and it sucks.
Do you have any tips to add?
nectarine / 2132 posts
if only i had these tips when i started seeing an RE. i didn’t realize a baseline ultrasound was “up in your business.” once the doctor was ready and i saw what was about to happen i had to embarrassingly ask “uhhh do i need to take my tampon out?” so awkward.
grapefruit / 4703 posts
Great summary Mrs. Polish! And I agree about any lurkers that might be out there, talk to us!!
@jmarionsmith: LOL my U/S tech said that she did prostate ultrasounds at her last job, and all the men would come in and make comments/jokes about her putting jelly on their bellies, being pregnant, etc. She had to break the news to them that she was going to be looking at it from the other side, haha!
nectarine / 2132 posts
@Shutterbug: oh those poor poor men!! i bet they took the news a lot harder than i did!
grapefruit / 4187 posts
Here are some additional tips that worked for me:
1) Make sure to go over the instructions at each appointment wiht the Dr. or Nurse no less than 3 times. I found it was really confusing and most of the time the next steps were left up to me so doing this helped me to not miss out on the timeline for key tests that needed to be performed or misunderstand how my treatment was supposed to progress.
2) If you’re going for morning monitoring, get there early. At my center there would already be a line formed at 7:30am before they opened and we would get buzzers that went off in the order we were standing in line. If you got there any later, you could be waiting 2+ hours to finally go back and be monitored. When you are doing this in secret and need to be at work by 9am, this was absolutely key.
3) Figure out the best way to establish communication with the center in between appointments. Mine only called patients with test results and instructions M-F 10am – 4pm. And as a general policy, the doctors and nurses did not take incoming phone calls from patients, they would only call you back. So I found that I had to specify with the person taking my message that I needed the Dr. to leave a detailed VM with instructions since I couldn’t answer my phone at work.
guest
Such great tips on such a sensitive and delicate topic. During our journey through infertility (which happily ended with a successful IUI and the birth of our son), we learned how important it is to find an RE/clinic where you feel comfortable and that your needs and feelings are being considered. The first clinic we visited, referred to us by my PCP, turned out to be kind of cold, impersonal, and quick to prescribe drastic procedures (read: surgery, immediate IVF before other ART methods) that we weren’t sure were immediately necessary. When we questioned these things, we were given very short, vague answers that led us to feel like the clinic was all about making as much money as possible and treating just the “problem”, not the “person”. I get that an RE is not a therapist, but we had this feeling like the fit there wasn’t right.
We did a bit more research on other clinics and found one about twice as far from our home (!!) that received a lot of positive reviews from other patients (still not a shoe-in, sure, but it was encouraging). This clinic was operated by two retired OBs who had turned their focus to helping couples struggling to conceive. Their approach was much more prudent, gradual, and highly personal. On our first visit, which was purely informational, the doctor we saw spent over 2 hours with us just discussing his approach, our history, and answering our questions. A few days later, he even called me back on his personal cell phone to answer an additional question of mine that I called his receptionist with. Anyway, my point here is that if you have the flexibility – proximity and insurance wise – it’s key to pursue the “right fit” when finding a clinic. Even if we hadn’t had a successful pregnancy through this clinic, I know that the switch was still the right decision. Infertility is as much an emotional and psychological journey as a medical/physical one, so it’s important to find a practitioner who will consider your thoughts and concerns as carefully as your cycle, test results, etc. Best wishes to all the women here who are on this journey.
nectarine / 2600 posts
Great post
I’ll add, if you’re not happy with your doc, switch if you can!! You’re going to be seeing them a lot, so find someone you’re happy with.
ETA: oops, very similar to what @Erica: just said
guest
Great tips! I have two to add:
1> If you pay out of pocket for meds, ask if they have samples. Sometimes they have samples or meds that other patients have not used that they can give you to save you money.
2> If possible I always tried to wear skirts or dresses, it made it easy to “assume the position.”
clementine / 750 posts
A clinic that you are comfortable with is key.
Make sure you attend training classes like the classes on how to give yourself injections. If you’re partner can go with you it helps to have a second set of eyes and ears.
Be ready with questions when the clinic calls. Have the afterhours numbers handy if you have questions.
Find a support system. I got a lot of support on the IF thread on Wedding Bee as when I when though IF HelloBee was just starting back then.
Make sure you have panty liners for you have ultrasounds as they use a gel on the wand.
Bloodwork — Make sure your hydrated to make the draw easier.
grapefruit / 4903 posts
@kayakgirl73: Pantyliners were going to be my addition too.
Also, if you’re still trying to track any signs of CM, know that the gel can throw that off.
It’s okay to feel what you feel, no matter where you are in the process or what anyone thinks is reasonable. But make sure you have someone who won’t let you berate yourself for “failure” at something over which you have no control.
coffee bean / 46 posts
I’m late to this thread, but thought I’d add…
1)When choosing a clinic, make sure they are a 7-day a week place and open most of the year. Last thing you want to happen is for your follicles to be ready on a Sat and they only do procedures M-F. Or you cant cycle during August because everyone is on vacation or they close for the entire month of Dec. Most clinic postpone cycles so they can close for 1-2 weeks during the year (ours was the last 2 weeks in Dec) to clean their labs, but more than that is ridiculous!
2) When starting a new round, make sure that all paperwork wont be expiring within 2 months. We had an experience where we started the cycle and all the paperwork was in order. We got delayed by a month (but since the paper work was fine at the beginning of the cycle, no one checked). I show up the day of the procedure (DH had to be at work) with his sample and they almost turned me away because one piece of paper DH needed to sign had expired.
3) Have DH practice his aim, ahem, before the big day. Nothing worse than missing the specimen cup and losing precious sperm!! And if you think about it, it must be amazingly difficult to aim while you have in the throws of the Big O. LOL!
4) If you are using an online or mail pharmacy, find a location IRL that stocks fertility drugs near you, just in case. It will be more expensive, but there were a few times that my meds had to be upped suddenly and I wouldn’t have enough to wait for a shipment (due to weekends and holidays)