Hellobee

Oh Tea… I’m crying here reading this. I know you know my feelings regarding your friend and Unbaby Me, but reading the blog post brings it all rushing back. I had dark times as a new mom as well (including the 18 months of being a SAHM which just did not jive with me at all) and I feel the same feelings when I look at pictures. The pain has faded away with time, replaced by happiness and contentment with my family. And even though my second was a more difficult baby than my first, I dealt with the pressures so much better because I had gone through it once before. Plus I knew that the difficult and draining baby phase is so very temporary.

It’s so hard to believe that that VERY SAME FACE (and that red hair!!) is the same face you post all the time… and brightens my day every single day. I totally felt you when you said you were afraid if you let her go, she would start crying and never stop. LMW was so fussy and cried so much when she was a newborn, and it took me a long time to realize that she was just not comfortable in the world… yet. Now she is so happy and smiley and I look back and realize that she was just unhappy and uncomfortable. Nothing would have solved it all in one fell swoop, but being held by mommy is a pretty close second to staying inside her womb…

A big cyber squeeze to you today!

Thank you for sharing such a personal post. I am so sorry you went through that, but I wanted you to know that I looked at that picture and thought, “That is such an incredibly sweet picture of a mom who is so strong and in love with her newborn”.

Thank you for sharing this! I try and remind myself of this quote and remember the happy things in life. I’m struggling getting pregnant, but my pregnant friend is struggling with something else and I need to show kindness instead of jealousy.

Im really sorry to hear about your friend. I think what she did was a little selfish and insensitive. I understand if you’re ‘not into kids’ feeling bombarded by pictures and updates on your newsfeed, but to block pictures of your best friend’s baby is a little cold. Even if kids aren’t her thing, she should at least care about what’s going on in your life at the moment, which happens to be your beautiful LO.

I’m so sorry your best friend did that to you. Did she feel bad once she found out you had found out what she was doing? I truly believe people who poke fun at others in such a seemingly nasty way are usually so very unhappy about something within themselves. (Or they are just mean girls, which I am sure your best friend is not.) Your baby is beautiful and so are you. You have so much to be happy about.

Thank for sharing this beautiful post to the world. (((hugs)))

Wow, I can’t believe that such a feature exists, let alone that someone you know uses it. I would have been hurt, too. I understand she doesn’t want/like children, but I think part of being a good friend is being happy for your friends when it comes to things that are important to them, even if those things are not important to you. I’m sorry you had to deal with such heartache and now this. It sounds like you’re in a good place these days — I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to let someone else’s rude actions take away from that.

“Now looking back, I see those photos of me holding my daughter not as a Mom who didn’t love, but a Mom who loved too much and hadn’t learned how to share it yet.” This is a beautiful statement.

aw, that pic of the two of you is gorgeous and actually gave me chills!

@Ginabean3: I totally got chills too!

I loved reading this. My first child is now 8 weeks old and I felt exactly like you in the beginning. I thought something was wrong that I felt so unhappy. Now things are getting much better, but I loved how you said you had too much love and hadn’t learned how to share it yet. So perfect.

Thank you for writing this! I can relate to your story and I just want to give you a big hug!

I can’t help but feel furious (for you, at your “friend,” at people in general) over that unbaby me stuff. That’s SO. INCREDIBLY. Hurtful. To say things like that behind your back and comment on them. Most people who complain about things on facebook fill others’ feeds with something that others wouldn’t like. Candy Crush, food pictures, cute “I love YOU more” messages back and forth with their SO. Babies get picked on. I’m the first of my friends to be having a child and I’m just wondering the comments that go on behind my back. In front of me they talk about how GOD I hope I’m not pregnant and how they are TRYING to NOT be pregnant. If someone doesn’t want to see my child on facebook come October, they better defriend me. I hope you cut ties with this “friend.” I’m sure she’s not perfect. And how dare she take a laugh at your expense

Thank you for sharing this post. I think one of the things I fear most about baby’s arrival is how my emotions will handle it. This post helps make it clear that while the time after delivery is sensitive and changing, it does get better.

That is such a beautiful picture, too!

As for your friend.. *sigh* I have friends who I know will do the same to me. I mostly feel sad for the people who can’t embrace new life as a great and beautiful thing or be happy for those who do!

I can’t believe people use the app and I have heard of it. Actually wait yes I can believe that people use it. The thing that stuns me the most is that she, your supposed best friend would joke about it behind your back. That is what would cut the most for me. Ouch.

Hugs to you. I can relate. When I was pregnant, some of my closest friends, one of whom I have known since I was 8 years old, were vocal baby haters. I was nervous about how our relationships would evolve after DS was born. They basically lost interest in my life and we have grown very far apart since. It’s hard when you want nothing more than to share one of life’s greatest joys with friends but feel like they really don’t care at all. Because of this, I rarely share DS on social media. I prefer to keep him to myself and the people I know who care.

People are so insensitive. That photo is gorgeous. Stunning. I’m sorry you had a hard time in the beginning — I’ve been there, too. Glad things seem to be better now, aside from having this childish friend in your life. I, for one, would love to see more pictures of Norah. She’s beautiful.

I love this post. It makes me truly sad for you that your friend can’t be supportive of you in this time that is both wonderful and terribly challenging for you.

On the one hand, I understand getting “sick” of seeing something constantly on FB…the constant complainers, or dog pics, or whatever it is that irks someone in particular. I’ve certainly “hidden” people’s feeds so I am not annoyed by their posts.

But, on the other hand…this is your (alleged) best friend who not only turned your adorable (fact) baby into a cat, but joked about it to others. She could have handled this in a much more respectful way.

This particularly stings because I am already feeling the loss of a “best” friend who hasn’t had time for me since I became pregnant. I know friendships change and even dissolve over time, but I never thought the happiest (and already pretty challenging, even before birth!) time in my life would be so tainted by this person.

Hugs to you and thanks again for this wonderful post.

I just posted something along the lines of that quote on the IF board this week. Yes, it hurts to see pregnancy announcements and such on FB, but you never know what challenges others are facing. I look at it this way, yes, that friend may be pregnant, but her dad has passed away, at least I have my dad around. There are so many examples of this.

Beautiful post. You’re absolutely right that everyone is fighting a hard battle. It’s easy to forget that. Your friend was insensitive at best and cruel at worst. I hope she didn’t know what you went through. The picture of you and your daughter is breathtakingly gorgeous. The love shines through.

Hugs to you @Mrs. Tea! Beautiful post by a beautiful mama!

I think this was a great post. But, I’m going to go one step further and apply the quote to your friend as well. “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Who knows what kinds of battle she is fighting? Infertility, depression, feeling alone because all her friends have moved on to marriage and babies, not wanting kids but feeling that society is pushing it down her throat? It was insensitive of her to use and joke about the app, but maybe it was her way of coping for something (as opposed to her just being an ass).

I’m so sorry that you went through that. I remember what a blur those first few months were and how emotionally draining it was being a FTM. I really believe in the idea “people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”. A friend that can’t be supportive of you and your life choices- whether they are in line with theirs or not- isn’t a real friend. To not want to see pictures of your baby is one thing- to make jokes about it to other people is another. That’s immature and just plain mean. I’ve realized since my son was born that sometimes friendships can grow and change and sometimes you are just different people going down different paths. I know that my free time is valuable, even more so since becoming a mom, and I can’t spend one ounce of energy on people that don’t understand how important my family is to me.

Mrs. Tea– wonderful post and big hugs to you! I’m so sorry you had a rough time at the beginning, but glad that you are in a much better place now.

@Grace: I love this– this was what I was trying to say, but you put it into words so much better than I could.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that app at all (I feel many brides and moms are in this same little bubble, where they think their wedding/baby is the most important thing ever)– but her joking about it behind your back is definitely hurtful.

What a wonderful post. I’m so sorry that your ‘friend’ did this and hurt you in this way. To hide the pictures is one thing, but to joke about it behind your back is another.

Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry that you found this out about your friend, but you seem to have gained extra insight into yourself from this experience. You have such a beautiful baby and you’ve come so far since those dark days. Hopefully someday your friend will escape her own dark place.

Thanks for sharing such a well written post. You put elequent words to a lot of the feelings I had as a new mom.

You are an excellent writer. Thanks for sharing. This picture is so beautiful!

Loved loved loved this post!! That picture is so beautiful, and I have been hurt too by “friends” who could care less once we started our family… but to have that done by your best friend, and to be made fun of behind your back… that is just taking it to a whole other level. Kudos to you for standing on higher ground!

What a beautiful picture and I am so thankful you shared such intense emotions here with us! I can’t believe a friend can be so insensitive. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook and deleted my account during our TTC journey (2 years process). I reinstated it recently after the birth of our precious daughter 6 weeks ago. It’s an easy way to share pictures and events with family and friends. However, my sister-in-law likes to share and republish all of our pictures on her FB wall. It annoys me so much so I’ve stopped posting pics on FB and use Instagram mostly, with only a handful of followers, I feel it’s more intimate.

I love that quote you used in your title, it’s so true. 2011 brought the highest of joys for me with a miracle baby, but a miscarriage at 8 weeks quickly took that joy away. How I dealt with my sorrow that year worked for me, I threw 3 baby showers and really tried to be positive. There were countless tears shed when I was alone or trying to fall asleep but I tried my best to be positive most days. Being happy for others helped me forget the pain little by little. You really never know what battles or struggles people are going through just by looking on the surface.

I’ve never heard of Unbaby Me, but when I was in the thick of infertility, I wouldn’t have minded blocking ultrasound pictures! Nevertheless, I didn’t. Realistically, I didn’t have to go on Facebook if I didn’t want to. And one way or another, I would eventually find out that those friends were indeed pregnant. You can’t hide from that hurt forever.

I can only imagine how upset I would feel if I knew someone I was friends with “unbaby”ed my photos. I would feel very hurt I’m sure.

Your story about the truth behind your photo was so raw and real and I thank you for sharing it. I’ve thought many times when I have uploaded photos to Facebook to share with friends “If they only knew the truth behind my photos” when it came to the early days. I can still see the tired and the pain and frustration that I felt in the first couple of months. Thank you for being so honest in this post

Thank you for sharing such a personal post. I think that is such a beautiful picture.

Thank you for this honest post. I love this quote. I’m realizing more and more that it is a mantra that I would like applied to me, but also that I need to remember to apply to those around me, as well. The journey to parenthood is so personal, and oftentimes so difficult, that it needs to be treated with much more care and respect than it often is. Hugs to you for hanging in there. And if your friend is struggling, hugs to her as well.

@mrs. wagon: Thank you for the support ! I am so glad to hear that the second time around is a little easier to handle…maybe I will have another one one day ha ha! p.s. I sometimes can’t believe the little face in this picture is my little monkey

@BabyBoecksMom: Thanks so much!

@Mrs.Someone: It is such a hard thing to always be gracious and kind when you are struggling. The fact that you recognize it is simply wonderful and shows what a kind caring person you are! Good luck to you, you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight!

@Modern Daisy: Support is where it’s at right! I totally agree

@lisamarieloves: She did feel bad I’m sure but I decided not to make issue of it. She did not the intensity of what I had gone through and although this was not a kind move I chose to just move on and use it as a personal lesson Sadly I think you might be right and there are some deeper issues there that cause her to make the choices she does…I am now trying to be there for her incase she ever wants to discuss them.

@regberadaisy: and a hug to you too! Thank you for reading

@MrsSCB: Thank you so much for your support. I am in a very happy place and there is so much love and joy to keep me remembering all the good in the world even among the not so pleasant things like “unbaby me”!

@BlueWolverine: Thanks so much It is truly how I feel. I think those first feelings of love for your little one can be so intense they can masquerade as other emotions…gotta love the hormones helping too haha!

@Ginabean3: It is my favourite Thanks so much!

@lilyann: and a hug to you too! Thank you for reading!

@kjpugs: It is certainly not the best of situations but I am trying to not take it personally and remember that people all make decisions without considering the full story. Thank you so much for your support! I feel like you are a fantastic friend who would be there through thick and thin after reading your comment

@wahine08: I will not lie and say that things are always going to be easy, especially in terms of how your relationships may change. But you are strong and you will be fine. I try to remind myself that kindness, even to the person who is driving you up the wall, will always do more then anger. If a relationship ends it was meant to and that is okay. You are entering into a new fantastic one anyways

@Mrs.Maven: Yes the joking is what really bothered me as well. I felt like a little kid being bullied when I found that part out.

@lamariniere: good for you! DS has a very smart and wonderful Mommy!

@pregnantbee: I will make sure she “visits” the blog a little more, just for you Thank you for the support!

@Muggle Born: Yes I have hidden a person or two along the way, I think what made this different for me, as you pointed out, was the joking behind the back. That is never fun. I try to focus on all the good and wonderful people around and then when this happens I am okay with taking the road less traveled and try to let it go.

@T.H.O.U.: The fact that you do this is simply amazing! It is not an easy thing to do!

@swedishfish: She didn’t, which is what prompted this post. We never really know what is going on do we!

@Mrs. Confetti: Thank you

@Grace: “Who knows what kinds of battle she is fighting? Infertility, depression, feeling alone because all her friends have moved on to marriage and babies, not wanting kids but feeling that society is pushing it down her throat? It was insensitive of her to use and joke about the app, but maybe it was her way of coping for something (as opposed to her just being an ass).” This is exactly why I wanted to write this post! I hope it didn’t come off that I just wanted sympathy for what happened. What I wanted to say is that we never know what people are going through and that you need to look outside ourselves. I don’t think she meant to hurt me, even though I don’t agree with what she did. I do think there are underlying things behind it and think instead of getting angry at her it is time to talk about things.

@dookie32: People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime agree 100 %

@HabesBabe: I too agree with Grace…I hope this post didn’t come off as me just wanting to show that she was a bad person. I was just trying to illustrate that we need to remember to be kind to one another and think hard of our actions incase there are things we don’t know.

@evansjamie: Thank you for the support. It was the joking that bothered me most, I don’t think any of us like to be laughed at..

@Mrs. Polish: I hope she does too…whatever is causing her to be stressed/angry/sad etc. will hopefully be resolved for her!

@Corduroy: Thank you so much for reading. I am glad you enjoyed it!

@kml636: Thank you so much! You are actually the first person to ever tell me I was an excellent writer! You just made my month

@Mrs. High Heels: Higher ground is not always an easy place to get to but I am trying

@Kimberlybee: “You really never know what battles or struggles people are going through just by looking on the surface.” You sound amazingly strong to be able to make it through all that you have been through. I love that you said being happy happy for others can help! I think we forget that!

@mythreeboys: I think in the case of infertility I would block them as well! I am so glad Facebook does have that option so people do not have to have things pop up on their newfeed!

@lbo1212: I am just glad I am not the only one! I think it is so easy for people to assume everything is perfect and simple when they see those little adorable faces. Thank you so much for reading!

@Raindrop: Thank you for reading! It is one of my favourite photos and I feel so lucky to have it

Beautiful post.

This post hit home for me on two levels. First, I feel the same way thinking about and looking at pictures of those first 4 {even 6} weeks! I am out of the fog now, but gosh was it intense. and Second, I definitely go back and forth about what pictures I put on facebook – but ultimately decided that if someone doesn’t want to see my LO, that’s their deal … I think she’s adorable and I love showing her off

That really stinks that she talked about you behind your back. I don’t know what your friend is struggling with, but I will say that when we were struggling with infertility, I had to ditch my fb account altogether because all the photos of babies and ultrasounds were painful.
I think it’s an interesting topic, because now that we have DS (through adoption) we LOVE to share pictures of him, but I struggle with how many to post, knowing that others are going through the same hurt that we were not that long ago.
I hope you’re able to talk about it with your friend and get a good conversation going!

This is beautifully written. I am so sorry you were hurt by your friend. I do understand people not wanting to see a ton of kid pictures when they are not in the place. I think what was really terrible was her making fun of you behind your back. That I think is really hurtful. Again I am so sorry for the pain you went through.

@Mrs. Tea: I’m late reading the blog as usual, but I’m so glad to have read this post. I went through very similar feelings when M was a newborn. She was just so miserable and I felt so inadequate as a mom who couldn’t soothe her. I really had trouble bonding and wished I could put her right back in my belly where our relationship had gotten so comfortable. I posted pictures on FB and perpetuated this perfect little myth. On the inside I wondered if I could ever be happy again. Now at almost 9 months it’s hard for me to believe that I ever felt that way, though I know that it was very real. I’m sorry that your friends actions were hurtful and brought up those feelings again but I’m glad that you were able to share them with us. I am sure that your words have helped someone who is going through this right now to feel that she is not alone.

Wow. What a fantastic post Mrs. Tea! I cannot even imagine your hurt at unbaby me. (and I loved how you shared your raw emotions with us. The beginning is HARD for some of us and man, it’s all we can do to get through.) Sometimes the interwebs can divide just as easily as they can connect, huh!?

Thanks for this post. I, too, am crying reading this. I struggled with breastfeeding in the beginning, too. I guess I still am. My son is 5 months and I’ve been back to work for two months. I feel like breastfeeding takes a slide back every Monday after work. I’m struggling with depression right now over the decision that I feel I cannot make to be a SAHM. Anyway, I appreciate your emotional post and your beautiful photo.