Hellobee

Breastfeeding was one of the worst things I’ve ever been though, and I feel terrible when I say that, but it is the truth. When Drake first latched on in the hospital, I thought I was going to die. I had just given birth to him naturally at 8 lbs 8 ozs, pushed for 4 hours, and had been in the hospital from the previous morning without eating or sleeping. I thought I would have done it all again honestly if I never had to breastfeed him again. I was positive something was wrong but every time the nurses or lactation consultant came, they said his latch looked right and that it would hurt for a little bit. But I felt like that whole area was on fire.

After we came home, Drake would want to nurse all the time for hours until I couldn’t stand it anymore and would just stop. I made numerous phone calls to 24 hour lactation hotlines and felt so utterly alone at night, sitting in the living room nursing this little baby in such pain. Finally after a week of this I called a lactation consultant (I fought with my insurance) and had her come to my home as Drake never seemed to be full, always wanted to eat and never slept. She noticed that he had a tongue tie, which seemed to be preventing him from latching properly, even if it looked like he was doing it right from the outside. We took a trip to the pediatrician where she also diagnosed the same thing, and noted his tongue tie was extremely deep and shallow probably making him clamp more on the front end of me rather than what he ought to be doing. I couldn’t even stay in the room — my husband had to assist the doctor and hold Drake. It took 2 snips.

After that they suggested a nursing shield for a bit to allow me to heal, since my breasts were terrible (I’ll save you the gory details). It did get better after the tongue tie was clipped and I used the shield, but Drake still nursed for hours. I think part of the issue was we lost a week where he couldn’t demand enough, and I just never could make enough no matter all the things I tried liked fenugreek, oatmeal, etc. After watching him go from the 90th percentile in weight at birth to off the charts, I moved to pumping and supplementing at 4 months so I could see how much he was eating. His weight improved and while I hated pumping, it honestly felt less painful than breastfeeding ever had. We made it to about 11 months when I dried up (I never made more than 4 ozs each time combined), and a month later we transitioned to cow’s milk which Drake still loves.

I understand my experience may have been fraught with unexpected challenges, but it honestly traumatized me to the whole breastfeeding thing, and it’s one of the things where Mr. Chocolate and I disagree. While I know breast milk is best, I also don’t know if it’s worth the blood (literally), tears, sleep loss, frustration, and stress I endured in that 11 months. Obviously Drake is a happy and healthy toddler now, but I felt he probably wouldn’t have been worse off if we had just gone to formula sooner. Mr. Chocolate would disagree vigorously with that statement. I believed that a lot of Drake’s sleeping issues (he didn’t sleep through the night till 11 1/2 months) stemmed from his need to always want to eat since his first week of his life. I wonder if had we done things differently, whether it would have been easier all around with him that first year.

As Chocolate Baby’s arrival looms closer, breastfeeding is one of the things I struggle with once again. Part of me knows that we won’t encounter any issues this time and I’ll get that warm fuzzy feeling most women get when feeding their child, but part of me is fearful to live through another painful, guilt-filled, sleepless, stressful year again. The one thing Mr. Chocolate and I agreed to though is as soon as Chocolate Baby is born, the first thing we want is a tongue tie check.

I have a flat nipple, so that made nursing on that side very painful at the beginning. I cried a few times from the pain, especially when he seemed to want to nurse for hours on end.

Liam’s first pediatrition thought he wasn’t gaining enough weight, so that was really stressful until I stood up for myself and changed doctors. Since the switch, we have never had a problem with weight gain.

I drank the tea and ate oatmeal to increase my supply, but I know that thorough and frequent milk removal is the best way to increase supply. I didn’t pump as much as I think I should have at the beginning because I just couldn’t find the time with nursing (what felt like) around the clock.

Ria had trouble getting a good latch at first, and she wanted to nurse day and night. For real, she would nurse for and hour and a half and then take a half hour break as a newborn. It was brutal and I was taking advil for the nipple pain for 6 weeks. I had some hot spots that I was able to deal with before they turned into full blown mastitis, but I did feel myself getting close at one point (I started spiking a fever). I had enough milk though! Then at 6 weeks it got better and by three months it was totally easy. I nursed her to 17 months.

Sunny had a good latch from the start and was pretty easy to nurse overall. I had an oversupply with her for the first couple months, which was a bit of a challenge as she was getting a fore/hind milk imbalance. She also reacted badly to dairy in my diet so I had to cut it out until she was 6 months old. Nothing big though, and she’s still happily nursing at 14 months.

They both bit while teething from 5 months till about 9 months. I couldn’t break them of it no matter what I tried, but they grew out of it on their own, thankfully!

With James, I faced the difficulty with dealing with the loss of the idea of nursing. I know that doesn’t seem like much, but there were two things I truly mourned while going though our adoption — I wanted to know what a kick felt like and I wished I could nurse. Mrs. Jacks has written about breastfeeding an adopted baby before. It is possible, but to be honest it just wasn’t for me. The more I bottle fed him the more I realized that he could bond with me just fine and I let go of the idea of breastfeeding.

With the twins I had trouble bringing my milk in. It took almost two weeks of nonstop feeding and pumping. Even once it came in I had supply issues. I had plenty of milk for one baby, just not quite enough for two. They both had some latching issues at first and I had a lot of nipple pain for the first few weeks. By about 3-4 weeks we got the hang of it. I had a few clogged ducts during our year that I fixed with non stop nursing and heating packs.

With my daughter we eased into it fairly easy. On her second day she decided to nurse round the clock. It was about 15-20 minutes in between each 2 hour session. The nurses laughed at us because every time they came in she was nursing. It caused a few cracks and some pain but it went away by 2 weeks. She also was a biter. That was pretty uncomfortable and I could not break her of it.

In the hospital, the Trikester refused to latch, even though my “equipment” looked sufficient. We weren’t allowed to go home until we mastered breastfeeding, so an LC gave me a nipple shield. Best. Thing. Ever. I know that nipple shields are controversial, but it’s worked wonders for us. I’ve casually tried to ditch it here and there, but it just isn’t going to happen. At almost five months, I continue to use one without any regrets.

I had mastitis twice. Not sure how I ended up with it the first time, but the second time was because I spent a half hour laying on my chest during a massage. Both times it felt like the flu. Both times were not fun. I was able to “function,” but I felt like crap as I waited for my heavy-duty antibiotics to kick in.

With Ellie I suffered from low supply and just generally had no idea what I was doing. I saw multiple lactation consultants, got advice from the pediatrician, pretty much everything I could think of. I went on Reglan (didn’t help), took fenugreek, to More Milk Plus… I went back to work when she was 3 months and I think one of my biggest problems was that my body just doesn’t like pumps. Hospital grade, double electric, manual, my body is pretty sure that it doesn’t want to share with them. Like, at all. I remember my first day in training after maternity leave (I was actually starting a new job) there was another mother who went into the breastfeeding/pumping room at the same time as me. She came out with about five ounces in each of her bottles. I had enough to barely cover the bottom of one, and maybe a few little sprays on the side of the other. During the time I was working, I pumped twice a day and fed Ellie at her daycare during my lunch break.

With Lorelei I wanted to be prepared. As soon as she was born I started taking More Milk Special Blend (worked better for me than the More Milk Plus), and I had to pump with the hospital’s pump since she had to be on oxygen for almost 48 hours. I pumped every two hours or so around the clock. When we came home, I dehydrated and ate my placenta (placenta smoothies, yum!) which is also supposed to be a galactagogue, and started taking domperidone. We rented a hospital grade pump for the first three months and I pumped following some feedings, especially at night since she was sleeping for more than two or three hours at a time. I used an SNS System to give her my pumped milk at the breast while she was nursing. Fortunately I had adequate supply and so we were able to exclusively breastfeed.

I have never had mastitis (knock on wood), but I am fairly prone to plugged ducts

Baby Markers was tongue-tied at birth, so she had a poor latch in the beginning. We made the decision to do a frenectomy and have the tongue tie clipped. It seemed relatively painless for her and it was super quick – I’m pretty sure I cried more than she did! She nursed immediately afterwards and fell right back asleep. During the next week, her latch improved significantly and I was in a lot less pain. By taking care of the tongue tie quickly, we minimized the potential for damaged nipples and a hungry-crying baby.

I had an oversupply in the beginning, especially on the left. I saw a lactation consultant who advised that I block feed her. We started doing that and feeding only on one breast every three hours. It helped a lot and at 11 weeks my milk is regulated to her needs.

I’ve had clogged ducts twice, which once turned into a fever, exhaustion and what felt like the start of the flu. I fixed it with heating pads, ice packs, hot showers and constant nursing on that side. I woke up the next day feeling fine.

I feel grateful that our problems have been pretty insignificant!

Sadly, I did not breastfeed for very long. I nursed for 4 weeks, and then pumped for another 4 weeks. By 8 weeks, Baby Checkers was exclusively on formula.

She didn’t have problems latching on; in fact, other than being a little sore, the first couple weeks of breastfeeding weren’t so bad. Then right around 2 weeks, she started to scream/fuss/choke/gag at every. single. feeding. I realized I had an over-active flow, and was advised to express some milk (either by hand or with a pump) before latching her on so that the milk would be coming out at a slower rate when she was drinking. This, however, didn’t help all that much, and feeding sessions quickly became a major source of stress and anxiety. I couldn’t sleep at night (even when everyone else was sleeping) because I was so stressed about having to breastfeed again. And then during feedings, I would wonder if she was actually swallowing anything… after feedings I couldn’t relax.

I’m sad that I wasn’t able to breastfeed longer, and I think my postpartum depression severely inhibited me from attempting to try any longer. I hope with our next baby (God-willing) I will be able be able to breastfeed longer, but I also know not to beat myself over having a formula-fed baby either. She is perfectly healthy, and I know now not every mom is able to breastfeed, and that is perfectly fine!

Little C and I had a bumpy start to breastfeeding – he had a poor latch, and my nipples were a frightening, bloody mess. Finally, around three weeks in, we resolved all latch issues and fell into a more comfortable routine, thanks to my doctor and the amazingness that is Newman’s Nipple Cream (it is a compounded prescription ointment that did wonders speed-healing my poor nips).

About a month in, I got mastitis and a severe stomach bug, and the combination of flu-like symptoms and a real flu bug really crushed my supply. I worked really hard to bring it back up, but ended up deciding to supplement at 5.5 months, and my supply quickly dried up once I stopped pumping and started supplementing.

I was hoping to get to a year, or at least 6 months of EBF, so the abrupt ending was pretty devastating, but I’ve been reassured seeing how Little C has continued to thrive on formula.

With Noelle, she had a very strong latch from the getgo and latched on right away. We were lucky to not really have any breastfeeding issues.

With Jaren, he didn’t latch on right away, and when he did latch I could tell it was weaker than Noelle’s. For the first 8-weeks he had a strong preference for my right breast, but I kept offering the left breast and he eventually got the hang of it. I also struggled with oversupply for the first 8-weeks – I think it’s because I started pumping right away this time around. He would fuss and scream at the breast every few minutes. It was SO FRUSTRATING and exhausting. He would sputter and choke and feedings took forever. A lot of times I would just hand him over to someone and have him take the bottle instead.

The good thing is that I built an incredible stash and even though I do still have a bit of oversupply, for the most part it’s evened out. Our feedings take only 10-15 minutes now, and I’m finally enjoying our breastfeeding relationship. There were so many times the first two months where I just wanted to give up.

I considered becoming an exclusive pumper because he seemed so much happier with the bottle and would suck it down easily while he would cry and scream with me. It broke my heart, but I’m glad we got through it.

I think if I narrowed down the main thing that caused my trouble with breastfeeding it would be just the sheer amount of times she would latch and unlatch during each feeding. She had a good latch generally, but when she was coming on and off over and over again it made me very sore and raw. I would cry out in pain each and every time and I have to say it made me very resentful in the beginning. It took about 2 months for this to finally pass and for Little Tea Cup to realize that once you were on you should just stay on! It took about a month more for me to stop feeling any pain when I nursed.

Latch! Miss H struggled to latch so we had to use a nipple shield… we ended up using it for close to 8 weeks (I think from around 5-8 weeks we were weaning her from it). Because of this, I opted not to introduce a bottle until she was nursing without a shield, because I feared adding one more thing into the picture would confuse her even more. To be honest, while I am grateful that the shield worked for us and that we were eventually able to transition away from it, in the midst of it all I was incredibly stressed out that we would never get away from it, and it felt very limiting. I never felt comfortable nursing in public (even with a cover) because the shield was so hard to use and could easily flip off. I couldn’t navigate that well under a cover. So by the time we were done with the shield I was already too nervous/shy about nursing away from home. I think if I have another baby that shyness will definitely be gone and I’ll be fine nursing (with a cover) wherever I am. But the shield definitely ruined that experience for me the first time around!

I have one inverted and one flat nipple (way to start this off with TMI) and expected to have latch issues from the start. I spoke with an LC when I was pregnant, but she assured me that babies are resourceful little things and to not worry. But she did tell me to make full use of the LCs at my hospital once Little M arrived.

When Little M was born he was assessed by the NICU team and then placed naked on my bare chest within a few minutes. My doula and midwife encouraged me to let him do the “breast crawl” to find my breast and he did within a few minutes. He latched onto my right breast (flat side) and nursed straight away. When we were in the mom & baby unit, I called an LC to my room several times a day to help me with his latch and he seemed to be doing great. I nursed him every time he cried, which was about every two hours, start to start.

I pumped several times a day in the hospital and saved the tiny bit of colostrum I got. My milk started to come in a couple days after he was born – my midwife thought that it came in on the earlier side because my labor was so long, but the pumping likely also helped make it come faster.

When we got home my milk was fully in and I was engorged big time. My breasts were so big and my nipples so flattened out (sorry, TMI!) that there was nothing for my baby to latch his tiny mouth onto. Each nursing session was torture as I tried over and over and over to get him to latch. I had been told the first six weeks would be hard and was very committed, so refused to give up. I just tried to remain calm and kept trying to help him latch. He would eventually, but he was so hungry that it was a battle every time. I’d latch him on my flat side first just because it was a little easier for him than the inverted side.

On a whim I started to use a nipple shield on my inverted side and it was like night and day. Latching was so easy! Little M slept a really long stretch (for a one week old) that night. His little belly must have been so satiated.

And then the next day on Christmas Eve when Little M was 10 days old, over the course of a 4 mile car ride I went from feeling good to shivering uncontrollably. I got into bed with two heating pads and all the blankets we could find. My fever was over 104 degrees and did not respond to Advil. My best friend texted me saying it sounded like mastitis. After several calls to the OB on call, my mom took me to the ER around 3pm. The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong so I was put on IV antibiotics and admitted.

My mom went home to get all my post-partum supplies (peri bottle, tucks, and all that lovely stuff) and my toiletry kit, which was still packed from when I was in the hospital with Little M one week earlier. She brought me a wrapped Christmas gift – new PJs.

Around 11:30pm as I was getting into bed in my lonely hospital room I noticed red streaks forming on my left breast – my inverted nipple breast. A nurse called the OB on call and she took one look and said, “mastitis.”

Mr. S could not bring baby M over to the hospital to nurse because there were several babies with RSV on my floor. I woke to pump every couple of hours and my mom came over to bring my milk home to Mr. S. After much begging on my part, I was finally sent home late in the day on Christmas day. I continued to use the nipple shield and nursing seemed to be fine.

Two days later at a follow-up appointment my midwife took one look at my nipples and told me to get to an LC; baby M’s latch wasn’t right. The next day baby M’s pediatrician confirmed that I should see an LC since at 2 weeks old he still hadn’t reached his birth weight; I wasn’t “transferring milk” efficiently. I made an appointment for the next day.

The LC showed me how to get baby M how to latch without the nipple shield and I never went back. As his mouth got larger it just got easier. At 3 weeks he was back to his birth weight and things were going great. He started to sleep really long stretches and then after three 9 hour nights…I started getting chills and spiked a fever. This time I knew to get to my midwife’s office straight away. It’s likely that I got mastitis because my body wasn’t used to not emptying my breasts during those long stretches of sleep. My midwife advised that I not wake to pump and that my body would get used to it.

Then, of course, because of all the antibiotics, I got thrush. I waged a battle for months – even a month of difulcan didn’t cure it! I finally got the thrush under control by washing my breasts in a 50/50 solution of vinegar/water before and after every nursing session for months. I still do it sometimes now.

After my two incidents with mastitis I was really careful to always have Little M empty my breasts fully or to pump after he fed if he didn’t. I dropped feedings really slowly and only on his lead. I made sure to always breastfeed before giving him solids too. He’s 17 months old now, I’m breastfeeding him a couple of times day and have successfully avoided any more boob drama!

With Charlie I used a nipple shield from day 1 because the nurses at the hospital gave them to me — they handed them out to everyone like candy. Charlie didn’t have a good latch, and breastfeeding was quite painful — the nipple shield definitely helped with both latch and the pain. After a couple weeks home, I had a lactation consultant come to our home and teach me how to get a good latch, but he still wasn’t removing enough milk even when he had a good latch (She weighed him before and after a feeding).

I supplemented with one bottle of formula a day the first month of Charlie’s life. In order to produce enough milk, I took More Milk Plus for over a month and was able to greatly increase my supply, stop supplementing, and build up a nice freezer stash. I tried to breastfeed at least once a day, but eventually decided to exclusively pump around 4 months because at that point I was already pumping for pretty much every feeding anyway. I wasn’t super attached to the idea of breastfeeding, so I was fine with exclusively pumping because he was still getting all the benefits.

I also had 3 painful clogged ducts in the first 2-3 months, but then no problems until I stopped pumping at 9 months when Charlie became allergic to my milk (after we had our apartment sprayed with pesticides). Despite not really being able to breastfeed Charlie, I don’t have too many regrets. Because Charlie was bottlefed breastmilk, it gave Mr. Bee a great opportunity to bond with Charlie that he might not have had if I were exclusively breastfeeding.

Olive latched on like a champ and had no problems breastfeeding, despite getting many bottles the first week of her life when she had an extended stay in the hospital. She would also nurse for over an hour if I let her, but I never experienced any breastfeeding pain at all with her. It was a completely opposite experience than I had with Charlie! Maybe I was less stressed about it the second time around because I always knew that I could exclusively pump if breastfeeding didn’t work out.

But my breastfeeding experience with her wasn’t without any problems. Shortly after we came home from the hospital, I came down with a horrible case of mastitis — I seriously felt like I was dying! I had a high fever, chills, body aches and no matter how many blankets I put on top of me, I was freezing. A round of antibiotics cleared it up surprisingly quickly, but I got mastitis again a couple weeks later. Luckily I was able to treat it that time without antibiotics.

I also increased my supply again using supplements, but I had to be more aggressive as I was pumping less milk per session than I did with Charlie since I was nursing more. I took a combination of fenugreek, more milk plus,blessed thistle, and mother’s milk tea and was never able to increase my supply to the level I had with Charlie when I was exclusively pumping, but it didn’t matter since I was nursing too. Olive had a little bit of formula when she had jaundice, but other than that she has been exclusively breastfed.

Olive is now 20 months old and we’re still nursing. She accidentally bit me very hard in her sleep a couple months ago and drew a lot of blood. I was in so much pain I went to the doctor, but it eventually got better on its own in about 10 days. Who knew I could have problems that late in the nursing game! She would also bite me from time to time when she was younger and teething, but luckily it only happened once in a while and usually wasn’t too painful.

My biggest breastfeeding challenge of all may be weaning a toddler who loves nursing!

.  .  .  .  .

What breastfeeding challenges have you faced? Or was breastfeeding easy for you and your little one?