Yeah, yeah, I know—breastfeeding isn’t supposed to hurt. But it does.
For some of us, at least. Not for every mother, certainly. My mom couldn’t relate to me at all as she watched me nurse in excruciating pain; it’s not something she had to go through. But since becoming a breastfeeding mom, I’ve spoken to so many women who nod sadly and commiserate with me by offering their own battle stories and advice.
See that picture? All of those things have been slathered on my nipples in the past eight weeks—and some other things, too, including Lansinoh lanolin, which didn’t make it into the picture (because I hadn’t yet procured it when I took the photo) and my own breastmilk (because it didn’t occur to me to express some milk for photographic purposes). Three of them have been prescribed by doctors—one by a pediatrician, two by OB/GYNs. None of them have made a noticeable difference.
Within a day of starting to exclusively breastfeed Baby Owl, my nipples started to crack. But considering she’d been fed with bottles in the hospital, I anticipated latch difficulty, and we worked hard to overcome it. Soon, as far as I could tell from reading countless articles and watching countless online videos, our latch was perfect. But the pain got worse. The nipple cracking got worse. I dreaded every single feeding, and cried through many of them.
At one point, Mr. Owl stood next to me and asked helplessly, “Honey, what can I do?”
“Encourage me,” I said through teeth clenched from pain, and he started rubbing my back and telling me how proud he was of me.
Giving birth was easy compared to this. Doing anything made my nipples hurt. Holding the baby made my nipples hurt. Wearing clothes made my nipples hurt. Latching on felt like my nipple was being stabbed by a thousand needles.
For me, after three weeks, it still wasn’t getting better, so we went to the doctor. She watched me nurse. She told me that there was nothing wrong with my latch, with my positioning, or my baby’s mouth. She told me that I didn’t have thrush. It was just hurting. That’s all there was to it. My doctor sent me home with a prescription for yet another ointment and told me there was nothing to do but wait it out.
That’s what I did for a few more weeks. Then a friend gave me the number of a great breastfeeding specialist here in Riyadh (there are no IBCLCs here, as far as I know). She came to my house. She saw my cracked, raw nipples. She watched me nurse. She saw that my supply seemed fine. She gave me some tips to help achieve a deeper latch, but she said that all-in-all, my latch didn’t look bad to begin with. Then she recommended that I visit her pediatrician, who, she said, was very pro-breastfeeding and would be able to check the baby for any issues that could cause difficulty with nursing.
So we went to this pediatrician. She checked the baby over and ruled out lip and tongue ties, just like the other doctor had. She could find nothing wrong with me or Baby Owl. For reasons no one could seem to explain, breastfeeding just hurt for me.
It seems like everyone is programmed to say that breastfeeding, if done correctly, should not be painful. I’m so sick of reading this, and my personal theory is that it’s totally bogus. Don’t get me wrong—I understand why people continue to promote (what I consider to be) the myth. If lactation consultants were brutally honest—“For some women, breastfeeding hurts worse than giving birth, at least in the beginning, and it might hurt for months. Or it might never stop hurting. Your nipples might hurt constantly, even when you’re not feeding. You know that weird, uncomfortable tingly, slightly painful feeling you get when your foot falls asleep and you have to wake it up? Your milk letting down might feel like your breasts are twin Rip Van Winkles. You might leak all over yourself at night and wake up in a puddle of your own milk.”—I can see how breastfeeding rates would absolutely plummet, despite it being what’s best for babies.
Furthermore, here in Riyadh, the culture is such that most babies are formula-fed (and this is despite the Qur’anic recommendation that babies should be breastfed for two full years—don’t let anyone tell you that Saudi Arabian culture is an accurate representation of Islam), so breastfeeding, while recognized as an ideal practice, is not a priority in maternity care. I’ve been told, “Just give the baby formula,” “All babies need to have a bottle of formula per day,” and “You need to offer her a bottle of formula after you nurse her each time”…and one of the women who told me that was the “pro-breastfeeding” pediatrician.
If I didn’t want to breastfeed so very much (and if I weren’t as stubborn as a mule—it’s a personality trait that sometimes serves me well), I would have given up long ago.
Still, I’m tired. I’m tired of doctors telling me nothing is wrong. I’m tired of asking for answers. I’m tired of reading about mastitis, vasospasm, thrush, posterior tongue ties, biological nurturing, nipple shapes, and high palates. At this point, I feel like I could be a lactation consultant (that’s hyperbole—IBCLCs have probably forgotten more about breastfeeding than I will ever know). The only thing I’m not tired of doing is actually breastfeeding my baby.
So that’s what I’m doing, and I guess, in the end, that’s all that matters. Nursing still hurts. I’ve learned to grit my teeth and bear the pain every time Baby Owl latches on. But she is still exclusively breastfed, and at this point I’m just crossing my fingers that sometime down the road, it gets better.
And if it doesn’t…oh, well. It’s not like she’ll be breastfeeding until she’s 30. For better or worse, these days are numbered. And I’m not willing to give up on the joy I feel whenever I look down and see my sweet chubby-cheeked baby girl looking up at me, contentment in those big trusting eyes, gulping the milk that my body made just for her. That’s worth it, and I know that’s what I will someday remember most clearly about nursing her. Just like the pain of giving birth, the pain of nursing will eventually be a mere footnote in our story.
cherry / 206 posts
I feel your pain! It does get easier over time once your nipples get used to it (which can take a long time!) Newman’s All Purpose Nipple Ointment is the only thing that worked for me. It’s a concoction that the pharmacist must know how to create. Not sure if they are familiar over there but perhaps you can find the ratio online? I was the same way, so stubborn even as I clenched my teeth through some pretty tough moments. All I can say is, it does get better!
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
It does hurt! I don’t care who says it isn’t “supposed” to, those first few months, it hurt a lot. I spent a lot of my first few months with her cringing every time she latched on, as well. Makes for enjoyable breastfeeding in public…
I swear I had to wait until my daughter’s mouth got bigger for the pain to stop. I know it sounds crazy but I really do think that as soon as her mouth grew, the pain went away. Hold on, Mrs. Owl, it will get better!
persimmon / 1396 posts
The ameda gel pads saved my life. They finally help speed the healing and were better than anything else. I hope that they are available overseas!
I cringed and wrinkled my toes for the 1st month. It was unbearable.
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts
It hurts! Even at 6 months, I still remember it hurting, more on my right side than my left. But I thought that I must still be doing something wrong, since “it’s not supposed to hurt” pfffft!
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
Aw – I’m sorry you are hurting Mrs Owl! I definitely remember those days – what helped me most (besides Newmans, mentioned above) were these: http://www.medelabreastfeedingus.com/products/592/softshells They are worn all day so that your nipples don’t chafe on clothes/baby/etc. Plus you can put foam inside to absorb your leaks (or also wear leak pads…or both for crazy leakers like me). I know it feels like it won’t but eventually the pain will cease
guest
It does hurt, no doubt about it? With my first I remembe pain that got slowly better at latch until he was a solid three months. It started at latch and would last a good 45 seconds, but it slowly got less and less till he latched without pain. I just had my second almost two weeks ago, and while it still hurts a bit at latch its not nearly as brutal. I sure hope it gets better for you, and seriously you are doing a great thing for your baby.
guest
You are one dedicated mama! I was also bound and determined to breastfeed my baby, even when it hurt – which for me was not as bad as for you, it appears! For me, it did get better with time and was totally worth it 2 years later.
I am sure you’ve probably already checked YouTube but I know there are some helpful videos there, a friend locally who blogs at Santa Barbara Lactation (http://santabarbaralactation.com/) made some helpful ones.
pomegranate / 3414 posts
I breastfed DD for 14months having pain the entire time (I pumped for 12months of that time as well). I have been breastfeeding DS for 10 months so far and while there is still pain off and on. DS had a lip/tongue tie which was corrected at 5 weeks then I treated myself for thrush by taking grapefruit seed extract (250mg 3x/day) after being repeatedly told that it couldn’t be thrush because neither DS or I showed any signs (except pain). The pain went away while taking the grapefruit seed extract but has returned due to teething issues.
All you can do is just keep on keeping on.
GOLD / coconut / 8266 posts
Earth Mama Angel Baby nipple butter has worked much better for me than the lanolin did. I hope things get better soon for you!
apricot / 453 posts
You are one strong momma! Have you thought about trying a shield?
grapefruit / 4671 posts
My mum also claimed that she didn’t have pain but I don’t believe her. I think she has just forgotten. I don’t know anyone who exclusively breastfed and didn’t have at least some pain. It really hurts. My OB gave me the most helful info. She said it would hurt until my baby’s mouth got bigger. She was right, right around the 12 week mark I was pain free. Hang in there!
cherry / 205 posts
oh my goodness, I’m so there with you! LO is 18 months now, but oh man, when we started breastfeeding, it hurt like a motherF******! I wanted to stop every single day for about 3 months. We used a lot of the same solutions (nothing made the pain go away) and met with a lactation consultant, who diagnosed LO with thrush. Her tongue was white for weeks and nobody–not her pediatrician or my midwife–expressed any concern about why her tongue was such a weird color. Then, we find that she was tongue-tied too. Oh man–it was a trying time for new parents who didn’t know what we didn’t know. But I’m happy to say that we pushed through and she was exclusively breastfed for 13 months.
Kudos to you for being such a dedicated mom! You’re doing a great job–hang in there! After about 3 months, the pain went away and it became an enjoyable bonding time for us. It seems and feels like a loooong time, but now I have this giant toddler and I can barely those difficult early months!
squash / 13764 posts
I have been there!! I also had a drawer filled with products that I hoped would help me get through the pain of breastfeeding. For me, the issue turned out to be a tongue and lip tie, which led to thrush and then vasospasms…I took calcium and magnesium supplements and in a week the pain was GONE. It was incredible.
I also second (third?) the recommendation for APNO–it will heal whatever wounds/cracks you have, and has lots of other good stuff to ward off thrush/infection. I also used a ton of motherlove nipple cream, which I found much better than lanolin.
I remember thinking that it would always be painful, and I cried every time I nursed my baby for the first two months. But then it DID get better. And while some pain is normal, a toe curling, lip biting, scream inducing level of pain for multiple weeks is not normal, IMO, and means that there is something else going on. I hope you can find out what it is and that things get better! You are a strong dedicated mama for fighting through this, and thanks for being honest about it.
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
“Giving birth was easy compared to this. ”
This. I was so unprepared for the struggles of breastfeeding, and that’s not even talking about the sheer commitment it takes, even if everything with the mechanics of it goes perfectly well.
guest
I’m sorry this has been such a difficult experience for you and I hope it gets easier.
There seem to have been quite a few posts/articles on this site recently about how hard and/or painful breastfeeding is. For new moms or moms-to-be reading these articles, I think it can be frightening and overwhelming. I think it’s important to present all aspects of the spectrum. My daughter is 9 months old and my experience breastfeeding her has been very easy and pleasant. From the beginning, she has had a good latch and I have a great supply. I never experienced cracking, with the exception of two cases of a clogged duct. I went back to work full-time when she was 3 months old, so I pump a few times while at work, but breastfeed her whenever I’m home. I don’t know what has made our experience so easy, but I want others to know that breastfeeding can be easy and pleasant (this is not to discount those who have pain or other problems, but again, just want others to know that it may not be problem).
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
I had that tingly feeling with let down too!! But it does go away… I promise!!
This may be an unpopular suggestion but what about a nipple shield? I have flat nipples and I had to use the shield for 4 months. Using one may run the risk that your baby becomes dependant on it, but it would also provide your nipples with some much needed protection. My LO is now 7 months old, nurses like a champ without the shield (with no pain for me) and has never had a drop of formula in her life.
pomegranate / 3225 posts
You are doing great mama! Keep it up! It hurt excruciatingly for me for two weeks. After that the pain micraculously vanished. Hope it’s the same for you!
nectarine / 2163 posts
@highwire: double this.
I think what happened in my situation was that my nips got ripped up and cracked in the very early days before and just after my milk came in, and the constant feeding and scabs getting stuck to nursing pads/bras/t shirts stopped the cracks from healing. So for the last few weeks, for me at least, the extreme pain was not from the latch itself, but the cracks. you know what I mean? so it could well be that the latch is fine now, maybe when all the cracks heal up you’ll be good as gold
adding another suggestion: have you tried breastmilking your nips, and then letting them dry in the sun? the UV light is meant to help toughen up the skin?
you are a strong mama to have gotten this far! you’ll get through this. just remember, if it gets *TOO* hard, there aint nothing wrong with formula
guest
I was having so much pain at the beginning that I decided to take a week off to give my nipples a chance to really heal. I nursed once a day and pumped the rest of the time. I think that, for me, taking the time off really made all the difference in the world. Also, I second the recommendation for soft shells!
guest
I have what you need!!!!! This is a miracle ointment that will work within 3-4 days. It’s an all purpose nipple cream and is suitable for baby to ingest so no need to wipe it off before feedings. You will want to apply a layer that looks glossy on your nipple but not be able to see product sitting on your nipple. This will get better I promise. We had cracked nipple on one side for 4 months. I had to give a pep talk to myself before each feeding then a friend gave me this and I was curred!!! This ointment allowed my to get control of my busted nipples and actually maintain a positive nursing experience. We are ebf for 10 months and going strong. You can do it!!!!
Mix equal parts in a zip top bag. I found it easiest to lay the bag open on a table then squeeze equal lines of each ointment in the bag and smoosh together.
Polysporin
Clotrimazole (lotrimin) 1%
Hydrocortisone 1%
guest
If I could scream, YES!!!!!! any louder than capitalizing it on this comment, I would. Because really, I was always in pain with E. I cried through it often.
Hang in there….!
blogger / persimmon / 1231 posts
Judging by the many comments I’m sure you’re already getting a sense of this but… you’re not alone and it really will get better! You are doing such an awesome job of working hard to give baby owl the best thing for her sweet little self. I hit my wall when I was having to roll up a towel to bite down on because I was screaming in pain during each feeding. I would slather on the APNO, lanolin, seal it in with a square of cling-wrap, set the medela soft-shells fitted with disposable pads on top, pop some ibuprofen…then repeat each feeding. Not fun. I finally ended up needing to use nipple shields full time and life got better. You will find your groove. Keep it up!
pineapple / 12566 posts
I can completely relate! My breastfeeding journey started off incredibly painfully. DS even had his tongue tie clipped but it did little to alleviate the pain for me. I also agree about APNO. I used the same mix that Emily above suggested. Just be sure to use gels/ointments and not the cream versions. I wasn’t nursing pain free until DS was about 3.5 months. It will get better at some point.
nectarine / 2173 posts
I prescribe Newman’s to my moms with significant nipple pain, as described above (Emily’s suggestion is a Newman’s variant too). The combination of steroid cream and antibiotic and antifungal does seem to help.
pea / 17 posts
There are many wonderful tips here. I totally can relate to you.
Here are some things to add.
First, keep in mind your baby’s mouth is SMALL. As your baby’s mouth gets bigger- your nipple soreness will resolve.
IN ADDITION
Second, My nipples were sore the first 2 weeks. Bloody & on fire. The first weekend home with my newborn I had to take 4 days of pumping with a hospital grade pump to rest my nipples from my baby’s sucking and SYRINGE feed my baby with the pumped milk. IT WAS A PIA. Then I had a nuisance of a cracked nipple. The all purpose nipple cream helped with the cracked area…. as well as the Medela tender Hydro gel covers, & the medela Thera shell. Sometimes no ONE thing will help healing but a combination. Sometimes one breast had the hydro gel on, and the other breast had the medela therashell (to keep clothing off my cracked breast). with my first baby it took 9 weeks before breastfeeding became “natural”, “easier”….
You can find a wealth of breast feeding support via Skype. Take avdantage of social media/internet outreach.
Contact La Leche League http://www.llli.org/ and email anyone you decide and any mom who is a volunteer leader will support what decisions you make related to breastfeeding and will CHEER you on in your hour of need. they will listen to your frustrations and tears with love and respect.
Also- this NY TImes article sticks out in my mind….
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/21/nyregion/21freda.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
If this is any consolation. My first kiddo I was IN TEARS with nursing her and determined and stubborn and as a new mom I was exhausted and dispirited. But after getting breastfeeding support from la leche moms, doing the aforementioned things… my first baby who THRIVED on breastfeeding (she loved it… she worshipped it. She didn’t care if I was in pain she wanted her milk) She refused to wean until she was two yrs old. (I wanted to nurse her till she was 12 months old– she had other ideas. that’s a different story) So you can be successful despite these bumps in the road.
I just had my second kiddo 2 months ago. The first week/week and a half was rough nipple wise. but I was wiser, more experienced and maybe my breasts had good memory! But it’s SO MUCH easier. My nipples didnt have the same issues as the first go around. No cracked nipples, no bloody on fire nipples.
If you need a BREAK from ONE FEEDING do not beat yourself up to give formula. It will NOT ruin the breastfeeding relationship.
& give yourself grace. It’s tough. But once your baby is 2 months… 3 months… 4 months… it is SO REWARDING and so worth it.
But nothing is worse than nipple pain. I hate that part of mothering a newborn. Ugh. I feel ya.
grape / 90 posts
I could have written this about a year and a half ago. I remember one dark day, when PB latched on perfectly yet again to nurse, and I was sobbing yet again from the unbelievable pain, I turned to my husband and said “it’s like a series of rapes every day!” – which is terrible, but I felt so out of control of my body and so violated by something that everyone was saying shouldn’t hurt and should be enjoyable.
But it gets better. I promise. There will be a day when you’re just chilling and your baby is just nursing and you will realize it doesn’t hurt at all, and it’s actually pleasant, and you can enjoy the snuggles, and you’ll get what all those jerks were telling you when they said it is nice and pain-free. But for some of us it is a serious struggle to get to that point. For me it took about 4 months, but I had thrush so I think that prolonged it. I hope it’s faster for you!
guest
Oh gosh, I went through this too. I would start whimpering every time the baby needed to be fed. We actually ended up in the ER after my week-old baby started spitting up blood that was coming from inside my poor nipples. What worked best for me was those gel pads and massive amounts of lanolin. And time. I just weaned my son after 13 months of EBF, and it was definitely worth it. Good luck!
guest
I tried a bunch of different things for sore nipples before I found this Mustela cream that really worked for me: http://www.mustelausa.com/mustela/content/nursing-comfort-balm. It made the pain go away within days. Hang in there.
pomegranate / 3053 posts
I’m sorry breastfeeding is so painful for you.
It was painful with my first for sure and I only really used Lansinoh right before and after every feeding and that helped me tremendously. I had really sore and cracked nipples but it never bled. I hope you find something to help or that when your baby grows bigger he will have a much deeper latch to help with it. For me, everything got and felt better when my oldest was older. Hope the same goes for you! Hang in there!
pea / 7 posts
Initially, we had a hard time with breastfeeding as well. It took us a month before my son learned to latch (or maybe I just got used to it) properly without it hurting.
I was given a prescription cream called “Mupirocin and betaderm ointment mixture” by a Lactation consultant. (The label says mupirocin oint & Betaderm oint C 2 % lbu & Miconaaz –if that helps) and I swear my cracked nipples were as good as new the very next day! I apply it after feeding and there is no need to wash it off prior to feeds as well.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this but I hope you hang in there! I am living proof that breastfeeding can still be wonderful after a very rough start…
guest
Thank you for putting this out there. I felt so bad about myself while nursing my first son. Everone said it wasn’t supposed to hurt. It did get a lot better after a few months but it was a long hard road the first few. It has been so different with my second son and I am so greatful. I was dreading dealing with the pain again but I haven’t had the same issues. I still feed my 2 year old and guess what it still hurts from time to time. I think it has a lot to do with his draw. I encourage everyone to see lactation consultants as soon as they can after birth. If there is a problem they can help. The Jack Newmans cream helped me the most. Breast feeding is amazing and I would do it all over in a heartbeat.
guest
“If lactation consultants were brutally honest—“For some women, breastfeeding hurts worse than giving birth, at least in the beginning, and it might hurt for months. Or it might never stop hurting. Your nipples might hurt constantly, even when you’re not feeding. You know that weird, uncomfortable tingly, slightly painful feeling you get when your foot falls asleep and you have to wake it up? Your milk letting down might feel like your breasts are twin Rip Van Winkles. You might leak all over yourself at night and wake up in a puddle of your own milk.”—I can see how breastfeeding rates would absolutely plummet, despite it being what’s best for babies.”
I wish lactation consultants/doctors/midwives WERE brutally honest like this! I have struggled with how advice, antenatal classes and literature surrounding breastfeeding almost comes off as a pack of lies once you are actually experiencing it yourself. I would think more people would quit breastfeeding once they face the reality of it having not been told that it CAN hurt, be absolutely brutal and hard to establish instead of being told it’s completely natural, your baby will know what to do and shown pink soft focus pictures of gorgeous smiling mum & baby breastfeeding. I don’t really understand this culture of ‘don’t tell anyone the harsh truths of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and parenthood, you will scare them!’ If the reality of the situation scares someone off maybe they aren’t ready for parenthood yet or maybe they will not make the decision to be a parent as lightly. For those who don’t get scared at least they will be educated and prepared for having a baby. Yes, there are good stories about pregnancies/birth/breastfeeding and many are lucky to have pain free experiences, but those stories seem to be the only ones available – for a new parent going through a hard time it can seem like you are the only one, you are a failure, something is seriously wrong and that this can’t possibly be normal because noone has ever told you it is like this. It is no wonder the rates of Postnatel Depression are so high! To end this rant I would like to thank you for your honest article – if only I had read things like this before going through having a baby I would have been so much more confident, happy and prepared.
guest
i applied this after pumping: http://www.amazon.com/Motherlove-10011-Herbal-Nipple-Cream/dp/B0007CQ726/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
and then put his one to keep my nipples from rubbing against the bra: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2403244&CAWELAID=107501400&cagpspn=pla&pla=plab&camp=PLAPPC-_-PID3018299&KPID=3018299
the combination of both has helped me a lot. hope you’ll find it helpful.
guest
I read this with tears because you have put into words exactly how I feel 6weeks postpartum. Thank you for sharing this, I will think of the self sacrifice you made for you little one every time I nurse my little one and hope I have the courage to continue just as you have.
guest
What a struggle. I am going through the same thing and I would be really interested to find out whether the pain finally went away for you and how long it took? I know you wrote this a year ago. My 3 month old baby girl and I have been through 3 different lactation consultants, craniosacral therapy, two tongue tie “surgeries” and one for a lip tie; and tomorrow we are going to another IBCLC who is also an occupational therapist. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. It hurts SO much. I feel your pain. Literally. (Ps this is a really nice font!)
guest
This article may have just saved me and my daughter’s breastfeeding relationship. I have read every article, book, and breastfeeding story there is. I have seen and talked to countless lactation specialists, friends, doctors and strangers and nothing they tell me has helped. I am smothered in creams, ointments, breastmilk and tears and nothing seems to make any difference, but knowing that it may not be something I am doing wrong makes me feel a whole lot better. I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure to switch to formula from my family because they hate seeing me in so much pain(and I’m not a big fan either) but knowing that I’m not the only one who just inherently struggles with breastfeeding makes me feel not so alone. Thank you for making this article. It has given me hope.
guest
Love your post. My bf experience has been very painful, and still is at 12 months. It ebbs and flows. We’ve done it all, even 2 tongue tie revisions, and despite it all, it just hurts most of the time. And when it doesn’t hurt, I’m just being generous – it’s still very uncomfortable. I’ve stopped wearing bras altogether, cause they just hurt. I agree that one day we’ll look back at this and just remember a precious little baby. No regrets.
guest
Did it EVER stop hurting for you? I have the same exact situation. I’ve seen 9 specialist aside from normal docs and consultants. They all say everything looks great but it’s still the most painful thing I’ve experienced…. Every single time I feed my baby. He’s 4 months and there’s still no improvement. Haven’t given him formula because I’m stubborn and want to make it work, but some days when I’m crying in pain it’s tempting!
guest
I can’t thank you enough for your post. I’m crying reading this, knowing I’m not the only person feeling the EXACT same way. My LO will be 3 months next week and I still cry from the pain. The only reason I haven’t given up is him. I just can’t give up. I have to believe it will get better.