In my experience, the topic of baby ear piercing has the potential to create some pretty heated arguments, at least in America. There are some who argue that it’s unfair to the baby, because it changes the baby’s body and she doesn’t get to make the choice herself. There are some who even suggest that piercing a baby’s ears is child abuse. I have a friend who is Finnish, and she was not allowed to get her ears pierced until she was 13; in her family, having pierced ears was seen as a rite of passage into adulthood, akin to being allowed to wear high heels and makeup. Meanwhile, I have another friend who is Cuban (born and raised in the States), and her ears were pierced as soon as her parents could legally get them done.
It’s all cultural. In Saudi Arabia, as in many other countries around the world (especially in the Middle East and Latin America), hospitals offer ear piercing for baby girls. Perhaps even weirder to Americans, ear piercings are often covered by insurance! (Baby Owl’s were.)
Most baby girls here go home from the hospital with earrings. And gold jewelry is the customary baby gift for a girl in Saudi Arabia. Including earrings. So my child is already much more fashionable than me. (But isn’t that how it usually goes, moms? You’re so busy trying to make sure your children look nice that you don’t notice you haven’t brushed your teeth in two days.)
Long before I even got married, I knew that if I had a girl someday, I wanted to get her ears pierced as a baby. I made this decision based on my ear piercing experience. When I was a baby, my mom wanted to get my ears pierced. She’s Latina, and she grew up seeing babies with ear piercings. My dad, being the papa bear that he is, put his foot down and said no, my ears were not to be pierced until I asked to have them pierced.
When I was four, I asked—nay, begged—to have my ears pierced. My mom was thrilled, but warned me repeatedly that it would hurt—that it was just a quick hurt, but it would hurt. I insisted. My dad still thought I was too young, but what could he do? He had told my mom that when I asked for my ears to be pierced, I could do it.
My mom took me to a local beauty parlor to have it done. I chose my earrings and hopped up into that seat, feeling so very grown-up. Marks were made on my earlobes; my mom studied them to ensure they were even. Then I heard a click….oh, that fateful click.
I dissolved into tears. I screamed and clung to my mother. What kind of torture was this? I wouldn’t sit still for them to pierce the other ear, so my mom had to hold me still in her lap. She did her best, God love her, but I struggled enough that to this day, my left ear piercing is a fraction higher than my right.
I was determined to avoid all that for Baby Owl. Originally, we planned to get her ears pierced in the hospital, before we brought her home. But after five days of blood draws, we decided she’d been stuck enough. We postponed the ear piercing.
This was unsettling to my Saudi in-laws. It was odd to them that a girl baby came home from the hospital without earrings. At every family gathering, inevitably someone would point to Baby Owl’s ears, ask when we were going to get them done, and then declare that we must get them done as soon as possible, because it will hurt her more the longer we wait.
On her two-month birthday, we went back to the hospital for Baby Owl’s two-month vaccinations. She grinned and gurgled at the doctor, until he gave her the shots. Then she screamed bloody murder. My heart broke. I picked her up and she clung to me, sobbing, and I felt horrible.
At this moment, I almost said no to ear piercing. Again, I felt like she’d been traumatized enough. But I thought back to my experience of getting my own ears pierced. So when the doctor asked if we wanted to pierce baby’s ears, I said, “Yes.”
Although Mr. Owl was raised in a culture where baby ear piercing is so totally the norm, he, like my own dad, had qualms about it. As the nurse came into the room with the sterile piercing kit and started to set up, Mr. Owl said, “Honey, I can’t handle this. I’m going to go out into the waiting room.”
“Okay, sweetie,” I said. By this point, Baby Owl had recovered from her shots and was sleeping soundly in my arms.
He inched toward the door, but he didn’t leave. He couldn’t.
The nurse who would do the piercing made small marks on Baby Owl’s earlobes. The nurses and I scrutinized the marks, making sure they were totally even. Then a second nurse held out her arms to me. I handed the baby to her. She sat down and held the baby in her lap, in a position that made Baby Owl’s ears the most easily accessible.
It was obvious that these two ladies were old pros.
I gnawed on my fingernails. My eyes welled up with tears. The view was blurred as I watched the piercing gun in the hand of the nurse advancing toward my baby.
Click.
I don’t know if there really is something to the Saudi cultural conviction that ear piercings hurt babies less than adults and older children. What I do know is that as her first ear was pierced, Baby Owl jumped, startled, then scrunched up her face, said “Ehhhhh.” and went back to sleep. Her eyes didn’t even open.
The second ear went the exact same way. She said, “Ehhhhh,” smacked her lips a bit, opened her eyes and glanced around, then went right back to sleep.
I was flooded with relief as the nurse handed my sleeping baby back to me. She gave me a fistful of packaged alcohol swabs, instructed me to clean the piercings and turn the posts daily, and said we could change the earrings in a month. And that was it.
I knew we had made the right decision for us. Even now, I’m still so relieved that it’s done. Baby Owl will never have to think about getting her ears pierced. She will never have to be terrified at the anticipation of it (I once went with a friend to get her six-year-old daughter’s ears pierced at the mall. Another girl, maybe eleven or twelve, was in line before us. That girl was obviously petrified, but she kept insisting that she wanted it done every time her mom asked if she was sure. She sat down in the piercing chair, then grabbed the trash can next to the chair and threw up in it). She will never remember how much it hurt (if it did really hurt—it seemed to bother her a whole lot less than her shots did). I feel like I’ve been able to save my kid from—or at least minimize—a wholly unpleasant experience, and let’s face it, that’s something that every parent wants to do for her child. It may not be the right choice for everyone, but it was for us.
And now my mom can finally fulfill her dream of going on a baby jewelry shopping spree.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
I am soooooo happy to see this post. She looks adorable with her little earrings! I come from an early ear piercing culture too. I let myself be persuaded to wait until DD was 10 months old and although it was fine, if I could go back I would have done it even earlier.
guest
While I understand the considerable cultural variability surrounding this issue, I find it difficult to see how it negates the fact that your daughter’s body has been modified in a way that she may or may not want later in life. I had my ears pierced very young (young enough that it was not my idea) and hate wearing earrings. By the time it got to be my “choice” to take them out, the holes had been in place so long that they never fully closed. There are noticeable scars on my earlobes that I would have never wanted there. The logic about piercing ears early enough that the child won’t remember seems to be predicated on the assumption that all of these children will be wanting pierced ears later in life. That certainly was not true for me.
cherry / 175 posts
I agree that the earrings are adorable, yet, I can’t help but wonder if it’s somewhat of a chocking hazard if the earring were to fall out or something…
bananas / 9227 posts
Aww! She looks so pleased with her little earrings on
I also come from an early piercing culture, I had my ears pierced as a baby and my mom, grandma, aunts are all asking me, no, convincing me to get it done. But we live in Sweden, like Finland, they don’t get them done as babies here. I don’t even know where to do it. I think most people are on the child abuse wagon!
My ears are pierced and although I don’t wear earrings, they never close because I had them done so young. And I’ve always had problems with my 2nd piercing I had it done in Jr. high. But still, no piercing for DD. although it’ll be hard to stop my mom from convincing me next time we’re visiting her.
grapefruit / 4120 posts
@mrs. mochi: usually baby earrings have a special screw back that’s hard to take off.
Yeah, UP WITH BABY EAR PIERCING hahaha. Never thought I’d say that but living in Mexico has changed me in many ways. We got ours done in the hospital and I thought it was funny that the insurance is super specific that they DON’T cover ear piercing. For me as a foreigner, it was like, well duh. But I guess that all depends on where you are!
blogger / pear / 1964 posts
I was never pro-baby ear piercing, but I hadn’t considered that getting them done young might prevent future trauma. Thanks for the insight!
pear / 1998 posts
This is such an interesting post for me! I love the different cultural perspectives. I could help but think of circumcision when I read this post.
Your daughter is adorable, by the way.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
@TemperanceBrennan: I thought of the same thing. Circumcision is a much bigger modification to a child’s body than ear piercing, and mostly cosmetic. So much is cultural!
GOLD / pomegranate / 3938 posts
I had my ears pierced at 13 and it was horrible. I will absolutely pierce my future little girl’s ears when she’s a baby. I think its adorable. I bought my baby niece some little earrings, but my BIL won’t let her get her ears pierced. He is concerned that as she grows, the holes will become off kilter. But seriously.. .aren’t ears a part of a body that never stop growing? So with BIL’s theory, little niece will never get her ears pierced! I’m taking my gift back next time I go to their house.
And yes, your LO is gorgeous. I’m so glad to hear she didn’t even wake up from her nap during the piercing.
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
She is so cute. I have thought about piecing Lilly’s ears but I just haven’t wanted to deal with it. I have really sensitive skin and I am worried she would have similar issues with jewelry.
clementine / 943 posts
Glad she handled it like a champ! It personally weirds me out to see babies with earrings (like, it really, really causes my skin to crawl, it’s that creepy to me, kind of like how those Toddlers and Tiaras girls who look like mini adults?) so I wouldn’t do it if I ever have a girl, but to each their own.
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
So cute!!!
I never considered getting DD’s pierced as an infant. I didnt get them until later in life and figured we’d let her get them if she wanted and when she was responsible enough to take care of them.
My mom for sure would have flipped out if we got it done early!
pear / 1861 posts
Thanks for this post! I got Baby Bear’s ears done at 4 months and never regretted it. She’s never played with them either. But I’m African American, so most are done as babies.
grapefruit / 4923 posts
oh i’m so glad the piercing didn’t give her much discomfort. what a cutie!
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
Cutie!
pomegranate / 3225 posts
OMG, she is so beautiful!
bananas / 9973 posts
Adorable!!! So were her ears pierced in the same 2-month visit? I finally found a Dr. office who would pierce K’s ears, but not until she is 6 months. Appt. is made, and I’m rather nervous about it, but your post is reassuring! Are those Baby Owl’s starter earrings? What kind are they? The doctor I found will only do gold balls to start with. But like Baby Owl, K already received some earrings as baby gifts.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Baby Owl is such a sweetheart.
pomegranate / 3401 posts
If DD wants to get her ears pierced when she is older, I will totally take her, but I prefer for her to be earring-less as a baby.
Lil Owl is adorable though! Glad she had a good experience!
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
Before I started reading HB, I thought people who pierced their baby’s ears were ridiculous. Now that I see there is a cultural reason for it a lot of places, I get it. I won’t get M’s ears pierced until she’s ready and earns them, though.
Thank you for sharing your experience!!
GOLD / nectarine / 2884 posts
I had mine done as a baby! No complaints from me! Although I also almost never wear earrings these days.
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
I had mine done as a 12th birthday present. I looked forward to it forever and it was such a great gift. My parents did the whole anticipation thing well with us. To this day I still love the anticipation of something as much or more than the event/thing itself. I wouldn’t pierce my daughter’s ears, but it’s not culturally the norm for me. If it were, I’m sure I would. I’m so impressed with her pain threshold – a strong woman from the start
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts
We had Sienna’s pierced too she was 4 months and I don’t regret it. I don’t even remember if I blogged about it. Mommy brain?! She looks adorable!
nectarine / 2210 posts
I had my ears pierced when I was 9 as a Hanukkah present. I don’t remember it hurting, but that may be partly because my best friend had fainted when she had her ears pierced a few months before, and I wan’t to so off that I would be fine. Ha! I’ve always expected to have a similar experience with my daughter, but funny enough my husband is actually the one who says we should have any futures daughters ears pierced as a baby. So we’ll see!
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Beautiful!!!!
I got mine pierced at 12. N it wasn’t traumatic at that age. I’d either do it early on like you or wait til teenage yrs!
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
i love reading about different cultural traditions! i got mine pierced at 9 i think. i’ll definitely let olive get her ears pierced one day, but not sure when!
guest
I love them. I had mine done when I was a baby and if I have a girl (boys only so far) I would do them as a baby. I think it’s adorable and if they get them early they think of them as part of them and don’t mess with them as much. (Less chance of infection.)
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
Beautiful post! What a lovely side to the “ear-piercing controversy” (ok I honestly don’t understand why it’s THAT big of a deal). My mom wanted it to be a special time for me, so we waited until I was 7. I do remember it hurting but I was definitely not traumatized… definitely more traumatized by the finger prick blood draws at the doctor!!
This post has nearly convinced me that if I had a daughter I might pierce in infancy! Also – I had NO idea nurses pierce ears! So interesting! I will have to see if my doctors office does that!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
She’s so pretty! I don’t have pierced ears, so it’s hard for me to get excited about, but I appreciate how cultural context has an impact and I’m so glad it didn’t bother her!
guest
It is a totally polarizing topic, like breastfeeding or circumcision. I’m more in the ‘to each their own’ camp with ear piercings.
I have family who own a piercing shop, so we’re really big on piercing safety though. I mean this all in the best possible way, but I wish that people stopped using piercing guns (they’re really not sterile, among other things), and that the advice were better: turning the posts can actually cause scarring and isn’t really good to do, and alcohol isn’t the best thing to promote clean healing. Better to soak in sea salt & wash with mild soap. I hope that doesn’t sound all preachy or something.
That said, I’m one of many, many, many people who got their ears pierced by a piercing gun at a young-ish age (I have 2 holes in each ear by a gun) and only one of them went really bad, so take it all worth a grain of salt.
pineapple / 12566 posts
This is such an interesting post! I never thought about the cultural aspect of pierced ears.
Also, baby Owl is just beautiful, earrings or no.
cherry / 159 posts
I come from an early ear piercing culture too and growing up, I assumed every girl everywhere got pierced from the hospital or shortly after birth. Imagine MY surprise when we moved to the US at age 14 and I saw girls WITHOUT their ears pierced. Talk about culture shock, haha
guest
Thanks for sharing! It is interesting to consider the choice from a cultural lens. Please take my comments in the same light – a cultural difference rather than a value judgement.
I think allowing the child to choose is important, but I also think setting a minimum age is equally important. Perhaps if you had been older before getting your ears pierced, you wouldn’t have found it so traumatic.
In my family, not a baby-earring wearing culture, when I asked for piercings my parents said I would have to wait until I was 12. This taught me a lot about patience while I anticipated the change. Then, when I got the piercings (and yes, I remember that they hurt but not in a traumatic way – I guess I had scraped my knees up riding my bike too many times!) I had to keep them clean!
For my own daughter, I would want to go this route too. She will have to be steadfast if she wants them, and once her piercings are in, she will have to learn how to properly care for the wound and keep it clean. I prefer this exercise in responsibility for a child, and in my experience I appreciated that my parents treated me like a responsible person – one who could make the decision for herself and then manage the results.
As another commentator said, frankly I find babies with earrings creepy. In general, overly gendered clothing and accessories on infants freak me out, as these items gender and sexualize them when they are pre-sexual. What does it matter if a stranger doesn’t know if your baby is a boy or a girl?
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@MsMamaBear: Maybe it is a black thing because I don’t see what the fuss is about. My parents opted not to pierce my ears, but my cousins had theirs peirced as babies if not as small children.
If my child does not have signs of keiloids like me or DH, ear piercing is definitely on the table as a big boy or big girl or tween rite of passage.
pomegranate / 3414 posts
Great post. I had my ears pierced when I was somewhere around 2yo (I of course don’t remember it). I do however remember getting a set of second holes when I was around 10. DH has asked me about getting DD’s ears pierced and I think I am in the “if she asks for it” camp mainly because I want her to have some responsibility for the initial care. I will say that the click is one of the worst sounds to me. Around me, they have started having two people do the piercings so they can do both at once and avoid people wanting to stop after the first ear is done.
pomegranate / 3032 posts
I had my ears pierced as a baby and my mom told me she held me in the chair and they had 2 people on either side and did both ears at the same time. I will most likely get my daughters ears pierced before she’s a year old.
honeydew / 7091 posts
So cute! I’ve been going back and forth on what I want to do with DD. I probably should do them now, but convincing her dad AND finding the time? She might be well into her teens before that happens… haha
pear / 1992 posts
Thanks for writing this post! I was going back and forth on piercing my daughter’s ears when she was 6 months old and now I am kind of wishing I had!
Maybe I will do it in advance of her first birthday?
Whenever the time comes I will 100% be having her ears pierced by a licensed professional piercer at a studio, no matter her age (as a baby, as a little girl, or if we wait and she chooses to have it done as a teenager). Having this performed by someone who has done thousands of piercings, and was trained under a fellow professional during a formal apprentiship means a lot to me. The sales clerk at Claire’s who does a few of these a week with a gun is not the person I want handling this, and since it is not the cultural norm here I don’t anticipate doctor’s offices to offer it. Even if they do, I doubt they do them with the frequency that a full time piercer does.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@Mrs. Train: Just for teh future if you do want to have Lilly’s ears pierced, I had my DD’s done with medical sterile plastic earrings. These don’t have any nickel whatsoever in them removing the chance of any irritation or reaction.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: my doc also emphasised that keloids are much more likely to form after age 6 so getting them done earlier would be better than later.
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
I’ve had my ears pierced a few times because I got them done when I was too young and let them close up. I probably will take my daughter to get hers done once she is much older (like 13+ years) if she wants them done.
DH and I don’t have the cultural pulls to pierce an infant’s ears, so we will definitely not be doing that.
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
@plantains: thanks for the tip. Did you get them at a piercing place or a doctors? I have never even talked DH about it. I wonder what he thinks :).
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@Mrs. Train: I had them done at a doctor’s office when she was 10 months old. I have since switched the plastic earrings out for some tiny gold hoops that my mum got her.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
This is so interesting.
I’m toying with having E’s done before she’s a year old
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@plantains: Thanks, good to know.
apricot / 367 posts
I am not Latina at all, but my mom had mine and my sister’s ears done when we were 6 weeks old. My SIL is Latina, and had my niece’s done at 2 weeks. After getting second and third holes when I was 19, I’m so thankful to my mother for getting them done so early!!! We are having a boy, but if we were having a girl, I would totally do it for her as a baby as well!
pea / 14 posts
Baby Owl looks super adorable with her pierced ears! My dad grew up in a “pierce them early” culture, and so mine were done when I was 6 months old. I had some older cousins (from a non-early-piercing culture) who thought that if their baby cousin could get them done, then they could be brave and get them done, too. They did fine with the actual piercing part. The problem came later, however, as they fiddled and played with their new jewelry way too much to let it heal properly. As a baby who had no idea that there were objects in my earlobes, I had none of the problems they had. My holes have never closed up, even when I’ve gone long stretches without earrings and I’ve never had any infections. I’ve noticed that with age, my skin in general has become more sensitive, and so I’ve had to get pickier with the metal of my earrings, but it hasn’t really been a problem. I had planned on getting my daughter’s pierced early, around 6 months, but didn’t actually get around to it until right after her 1st birthday. She has touched them more than she would have if we’d gotten around to doing it earlier, so if we have another daughter I will definitely do before her 1st birthday. And I totally believe in taking babies to professionals who work exclusively with infants & kids.
pea / 13 posts
@lindseykaye: This would be my approach as well. I’m still not sure how I feel about baby ear-piercing, but whenever it happens I’ll want to do it at a professional piercing salon, with sterilized needles rather than a gun. I believe it’s more precise, and from my own experience, less painful.
apricot / 279 posts
@ Mrs. Owl wow you remembered your experience when you were four! My mom told me I had mine pierced when I was five, I can’t remember anything about it, except one thing: My grand aunt placed a piece of ginger behind my ears as she pierced it. I’m not really sure what it’s for. Ever since DD was born, DH and I have talked about piercing her ears, and has even gotten into arguments about it. Apparently he thinks that all girls should have their ears pierced. As soon as he raised that up, I was @_@, because that was completely new to me. Turns out that when he was younger all his female classmates had ears pierced so he was not aware that it was an “option”, which still bother me, I told him of course it’s an option! I told him the only reason I would have DD’s ear pierced now is so that she can’t remember the pain, but I also want to give her the choice, so as of this day (11 months) we still haven’t made a decision yet.