I recently shared an update from my perspective on Mr. H staying at home with Miss H, but Mr. H and I thought it would be interesting to share some insight on what it’s like as a SAHD from his point of view!

Hello! I’m Mrs. H’s husband, and two days a week I’m with our wonderful daughter Miss H. I know that it’s very difficult for Mrs. H to leave in the morning while Miss H and I get to hang out together, but we both know how lucky we are that one of us has the flexibility to be able to stay home with her. Not only does it save us money on childcare, I love the time that Miss H and I are able to spend together.


As a stay-at-home dad 2 days a week, I know that I’m in the minority. Whether it’s in music class, the park, or at playdates, I’m usually the only dad with all of the moms and the occasional female nanny. Every once in a while a stranger will make a comment like “Giving mom a break today?”, “Where’s mom at today?”, or even something like “So why are you stuck with the baby today?” I’ve gotten this everywhere I go, whether we’re out for a walk or at the grocery store. I expected this to happen from time to time, but I never thought these experiences would be so frequent.

But beyond the random inquiries about where Mrs. H is hiding, I’ve had a few run-ins that have been borderline hurtful. I know that everyone has an opionion and they’re more likely to share them when it comes to children, but I’ve definitely felt like people have crossed the line a bit at times:
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  • When Miss H was about 5-6 months old, it seemed like every time she was fussy or crying while we were out, we ran into the same woman who apparently wasn’t my biggest fan. Every time we saw her, she lectured me as she walked past about how I need to pay more attention to my child and be a better father.
  • Miss H loves to babble and sing in her stroller, and one time, a woman passed me saying, “pay some attention to your daughter who is obviously trying to get your attention.”
  • Whenever we were out on a cold day this past winter, I always made sure that Miss H was bundled up in heavy winter gear and covered in another layer in her stroller. Yet on more than one occasion, people stopped to scold me that I was endangering my child’s life by having her out in such cold weather. There are a lot of kids in our neighborhood, and on many instances moms would be walking by us with their hatless, gloveless, blanket-less babies in their strollers while I was being scolded.
  • One of our neighbors has a son a little older than Miss H, and she’s told me that she used to be part of a play group where dads weren’t allowed, only moms. She disagreed with the informal policy, but told me that several of the moms felt uncomfortable having a dad as part of the group.
  • We do a nanny share with another family, and they host the nanny and both of our babies. While we normally walk there and back with Miss H, we drive over on chillier mornings but walk home with her in the evening. On these days when I would go to pick her up, I would push our empty stroller over to the other family’s house. Even though it’s only about a 15 minute walk, I have been asked countless times if I had forgotten my baby. I’m not talking about people trying to make a joke – people have legitimately thought I’d forgotten (lost?!) my child. These “concerned citizens” have stopped cars, interrupted their phone conversations, and paused their runs to ask me if I knew that I was pushing an empty stroller.

What irks me more than anything else is the “forgetting the baby” scenario. Almost every day, I see moms pushing around empty strollers, and I highly doubt that any of them receive such comments. Any time Mrs. H has done these exact same thing, her parenting has never been called into question! I try and brush off the comments and move on because I don’t think it’s worth arguing with a perfect stranger on the street, but the comments and criticisms can be tough to handle.

I’ve met a few other stay-at-home dads in our neighborhood, and it seems like they’ve all had similar experiences from the “parenting peanut gallery.”

I still wouldn’t trade my 2 days at home with Miss H for anything, and I know that I’m part of a relatively small community of stay-at-home dads, but I wish that as a dad I was given more of the benefit of the doubt. My time with Miss H is a special opportunity for us to spend time together – it’s not a time where I’m “filling in” for Miss H’s mom and I’m definitely not babysitting — I’m parenting!

Have you ever experienced unwanted parenting “advice” when you’re out with your LO? How do you handle it?