Motherhood can be rather isolating at times. In the early months when you are first adjusting to your new identity as a mom (and particularly when your little one is sleeping in spurts and eating around the clock), it is easy to feel alone and lost. I recall during the early days after Toddler Checkers was born, I felt most alone in the wee hours of the night. I wondered when I would fall into step and feel comfortable in my new skin as a mother. Surely I was not the only first-time mom who felt this way . . . right? I found myself desperate to talk to someone, just about anyone, who had children and could reassure me that this motherhood gig was pretty fantastic after all.
The beauty of it all is that every mom has been there. While motherhood can be isolating, motherhood can also bring people together with ease. Becoming a mother is like entering into a sisterhood of women who have experienced their fair share of torturous hazing rituals which include (and are not limited to) episiotomies, bloody nipples, 20+ hours of labor, insomnia/sleep deprivation, 9 months of vomiting, colic, being pooped/peed/vomited on, etc. Strangers share and swap stories about sore leaky boobs or diaper rashes, and all of a sudden there is a connection. Beautiful, isn’t it?
I am lucky to have a number of long-time friends with kids around Toddler Checkers’ age nearby, but I also love meeting new moms and making connections. I will share a couple of tips/resources that have worked wonderfully for me:
- The Internet – can be a wonderful way to connect with other moms! Hellobee is one example of many fantastic parenting resources out there. Hellobee, as well as other sites like The Bump and Babycenter, host message boards for the community, and some have birth club forums you can join to dialogue with other moms who are due in the same month as you. I met a fantastic group of supportive moms through my birth club, and two years later we still regularly check in with one another, ask questions, and share milestones/victories. Other sites, like meetup.com, may be another way to meet other moms in your area.
Pool playdate with two local moms I met from my birth club
Aliya and Olive meet for the first time at our California Hellobee meetup!
- Church / religious organizations – Another avenue by which I have met new moms is through church. Many parents (with young children) attend the earlier Sunday morning service since it fits in quite well with nap times! One Sunday, I happened to be sitting next a couple with a baby about the same age as ours, and the next thing you know we are talking about maternity leave, teething, beginning solid foods, etc. There was an easy, natural connection, and now we have become good friends. Many churches also facilitate groups/meetings specifically for moms to meet, connect, and journey together.
Church buddies sharing a meal together after service
- Local park / indoor play area / community (swim/music/art) classes – If you have a neighborhood park nearby, you often see the same parents and children come out to play at roughly the same times each day. My mom watches Toddler Checkers during the day and takes her to the park in the mornings; when I started taking her more regularly in the evenings after work, I was surprised by how many other parents and kids knew my girl! I have gotten to know a few of their names and children as well, and it is nice to see familiar friendly faces at the park every day.
Sometimes your child may make friends for you, and making mommy friends may be easier than you think! Many moms are seeking to connect with other moms; we all need help, encouragement, and support along this journey.
HB Community: Do you have any tips to share? What avenues/resources have you found to be helpful in meeting and connecting with other moms?
grapefruit / 4291 posts
I was fortunate enough to meet eleven wonderful women when my DH and I took our eight week childbirth class this time last year.
Our babies are now all about to turn one and we still meet every other Tuesday to catch up and we’re about to have a first birthday bash! I really feel like I’ve made some friends for life and hope that we can still keep in touch as we all trickle back to work at the end of our maternity leave.
I’ve also met some great Mum’s through a local music class for toddlers and through friends, kids are a great way to expand a social circle!
pomegranate / 3401 posts
@mrscheckers: ok this is random, but I think I’ve met your mom and Aliya! We just moved to the OC and we go to the park behind our apartment complex in the mornings sometimes.
That’s where we met them! Aliya was very sweet, she really loved my baby.
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
I joined Mothers of Preshoolers (MOPS). It was a life saver. I have made great friends. It has been so helpful to my mommy journey.
grapefruit / 4085 posts
Yes, I made some friends at our library’s storytime. We try to meet up once a week and it’s been really nice. I’ve also been to a bunch of activities through Meetup. I hope to enroll my daughter in a class this fall where we can meet more moms/babies.
blogger / persimmon / 1220 posts
@Ginabean3: Oh my goodness, have we met IRL? Are you ever at the park in the evenings? If you see me, please say hello!
pomegranate / 3401 posts
@Mrs Checkers: we haven’t! I usually only go in the AM, but I won’t be shy if I see you in the evening if we take a walk there after dinner!!!!
apricot / 377 posts
@mrscheckers. Thanks for the advice!
I am really worried about making new mom friends after i have my baby and those first few months – during the winter no less, of being alone and isolated. I’ve tried already, to no avail. I’ve attended a few mom-to-events and haven’t made any real connections. I’m kinda shy, but friendly and( I think) warm, but it hasn’t been easy. People seem to have their own thing going on.
Our birthing class has about 6 other couples who might be the unfriendliest bunch I’ve been around since high school. It’s sort of like, polite short smiles and then no more eye contact. Reintroducing myself to a woman in the bathroom during break was awkward. Maybe I’m trying to hard. I probably seem as desperate (to them) as I’m sounding now.
Anyway, I’ll keep trying — meetup is next. Wish me luck!
blogger / persimmon / 1220 posts
@Mrs. Train: I’ve heard some really great things about MOPS! I would have checked it out if I was a SAHM, but since all the meetings are usually during the week, I can’t really go.
@MrsMed: I’m so sorry it’s been tough! Things may be different after the baby arrives. I remember meeting a mom at a coffee shop on my way to work (she had her baby with her – probably about 6 months old at the time), and I just started asking her about her baby and by the end of the chat she was ready to exchange phone numbers! Hopefully you will meet some friendlier folks once baby is here :). Good luck!
pomegranate / 3388 posts
I had great success with a local parenting center in town. They had a support group for moms of babies betwee 0 and 6 months old. The group was run by a fabulous social worker. It was a fun, safe place to vent and to breastfeed while still getting used to doing that outside of the house. I ended up meeting several moms who I clicked with, and we had extra in common b/c our babies were all pretty much exactly the same age.
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
Thanks for this post!
pomegranate / 3729 posts
For me, it’s been a combination of a couple of places. One woman and I have become great friends after several chance meetings. We were in the same 6 week long birthing class. Then, we ran into each other at the pediatrician’s office when DD was 1 week old. Then, we both attending the same breastfeeding support group for the first time on the same day: our LO’s were already 5 months old! We both just felt like we needed to get out and meet people that day
I say that it was fate. Our library’s baby story time was a great way to meet Moms of other babies, too. Have had several play dates and Mom dates for stroller walks and chatting this way.
And, I have so much
for Hellobee and the May Mama's who have become great friends. It's really amazing how the internet can connect so many people!
guest
I love this article. It is so true. Motherhood can be very isolating at times and finding good friends during this time is so important. I am so glad I have met you as I enjoy reading your blogs.
Catherine
nectarine / 2274 posts
@Mrs Checkers: I’m awful at making mommy friends, LO is 13 months and I have 1 mommy friend that lives across the country.
I think I have seen your LO at the park too, but I recently moved.