Dear Mr. Blue,

Two years ago on September 17, I was an excited bride ready to walk down the aisle to a man whose character and heart had exceeded all the things I had hoped for and asked God to bring me.

“Heavenly Day” by Patty Griffin (if you’ve never heard this, it’s the best song ever–just saying) played as my parents and I walked toward you.  I couldn’t stop smiling, I wanted to run, I thought I would burst from the joy on your face at that moment when I came around the curving, sloping aisle and you saw your bride walking toward you.  My brother said some perfect words as he performed our ceremony, some of which I can remember and some of which got lost in the dream we were living.  I remember focusing on every word of our vows, though, and trying not to cry.  I remember hearing that we were man and wife.  I remember throwing up a triumph fist as you kissed me for the first time.  It was everything I had ever dreamed, and I loved you as much as any bride had ever loved her groom.

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Two years later, our life and our love look very different.  We don’t have endless hours to spend in deep conversations or walking in the park laughing together.  We are tired.  We sometimes struggle under the overwhelming weight of the responsibility we carry as parents.  We’ve gone on a date night here and there, but our focus is understandably not 100% on each other anymore.  In the short two years of our marriage, the last 3 months probably have been the most challenging.  But, my friend, I have a truth for you:  the love I have for you today has more depth, more strength, and more trust than it did the day we made our vows to one another.  That love has had some days and nights that tested it, but we’ve chosen to keep loving each other during some times when we didn’t feel all those warm, mushy feelings.

I’ve watched you love our children so completely.  I’ve heard you make them laugh.  I’ve seen the soft expression on your face when one of them snuggles into your chest.  I noticed you working and planning to provide for our boys’ present and future.  I’ve watched you love me even when I pushed you away.  I’ve heard you tell me I’m beautiful when I felt my least attractive.  I’ve seen the expression on your face when you see me rocking and singing to our babies.  I’ve noticed you sacrificing so I could get some extra sleep or put some time into work.

That day when we got married, I believed and hoped you had the capability to be an excellent father and husband.  Today, I know you are an excellent father and husband.  I trust that when we emerge from the haze of the first year with twins that you’ll still be by my side, gently leading our family.  I trust that you won’t ever walk away from us, even when it isn’t easy.  I trust you not only with my heart, but with Finn and Elliot’s hearts.  I trust you to work with me to keep our marriage strong and healthy, so we can provide the best foundation we can for our children.

When we were preparing for our wedding, my very wise cousin gave us some advice:  “Be prepared for hard times in your marriage.  They will come, and when they do, know that they seem to last for about a year.  So buckle down and hold on, and when that difficult time comes to an end, you’ll find that your love is stronger and better for having lasted through it.”  I’m thankful that I know you’ll ride through the hard times with me.  I’m thankful that even when our lives seem to be chaotic and full of stress, I never feel like we’re not part of a team.

We’ve made it two years, which isn’t a very long time, but they’ve been my favorite years yet.  I can’t wait to spend the next 50 or so years with you.  There are so many things I’m looking forward to about our future: watching you teach our kids to ride bikes, seeing you coach their teams, traveling with and without our babies, settling into a home of our own, choosing where to make our “hometown,” seeing our children’s spiritual lives develop and guiding them in that, teaching our kids to ski, ride horses, and throw a ball in the yard, watching our children graduate and start choosing their own paths, watching you become a grandpa, finding out how to be just two again when our kids all fly the coop, and laughing as much with you when we’re 70 as we did in our twenties.

Two years later, we know that marriage isn’t all roses and happy feelings.  It doesn’t always feel like it did that day two years ago.  It feels different, but it’s stronger and it’s better.  I have a deeper respect for you now than I did then.  I have a steadier love for you.

Thanks for being on this ride with me, being my partner in parenting, and putting up with all my antics and whims!

XOXO,

Mrs. Blue
Has your marriage gotten better or worse since having children?