Hellobee

In the past eighteen months, Colin and I have been on countless play dates and have been involved in several different weekly play groups.  Not only are these dates a valuable outlet for me to connect with other moms in the same position as me (currently: navigating the waters with a temperamental toddler), but they are excellent opportunities for Colin to develop social skills (you know, now that he isn’t just laying there like a bump on a log, chewing on his hand, like he was when we started these dates).

Play dates evolve from tiny babies laying together under a baby play gym to (semi) controlled chaos in the blink of an eye.  While I don’t classify myself as a etiquette expert in all arenas (ahem, not by a long shot), I have observed so many “do’s” and “don’ts” over the past eighteen months.

Since capturing images of running toddlers at playgroup is impossible, here is a gem: play date with Babies Confetti and Markers!

Because it can be so challenging to find and develop a lasting playgroup, I thought it might be helpful to share these do’s and don’ts with the Hive.

The Do’s

• Aim for the kids to be within an age range of 6 months of each other.  At young ages, even a few weeks or months can make such a drastic difference, so for optimal social interaction for the kids, it is great for them to be in similar developmental stages.
• Cap the size of your play group to ten families or less.  Less is more most of the time, since large crowds of little ones can be chaotic, even in the largest of spaces.  Kids get overwhelmed, and parents don’t have the time to really get to know each member well.
• Location, location, location.  If you can, schedule a regular rotation from house to house in advance.  Accommodate the needs of participants (like pet allergies, transportation concerns, etc.) as best you can.
• Have a snack plan.  In one of my play groups, host provides snacks, and in the other, it’s BYOS.  Knowing what to plan for and expect is crucial, since we all know that a hungry kid is rarely a happy kid (insert meltdown here).
• Establish the “no sorry’s at play group” rule for parents.  I love this one – my smaller 5 kid playgroup made this rule, because it felt like we were always apologizing for things that we all go through: naps running late, running behind schedule, a child spilling their snack on the carpet, etc. We’ve all been there, and don’t need the extra, unnecessary “sorrys” that can just go unspoken.
• When you host, keep in mind that babyproofing is relative.  Your child may not mess with the books on your bookshelves, but other kids exploring a new place may view your space with different and more inquisitive eyes.  Make sure to give your space an extra once over, just in case.
• There comes a point when kids become more territorial about their toys.  It’s wise to stash any toys, stuffed animals or other items that your child is extremely attached to during a play date at your own home, to avoid blow ups before they happen.
• I find that the play groups that are most fun are those with moms that I have become closer friends with, outside the kiddo realm.  Try scheduling a mom’s night out with the other parents in your playgroup, or suggest a double date with a mom you want to get to know better.
• Hide the crayons.  Protect your walls.

The Don’ts

• Bring a sick kid. It stinks to miss the fun, but it’s not fair to the group to share the germs with everyone else.  Germ exposure can be a good thing, but no one wants your kid’s croup.
• Hover too much.  Toddlers are toddlers, and they learn to socialize by interacting with each other.  When mom is always there to solve a problem or intervene, this defeats the purpose.
• Hover too little.  Especially if you know that your toddler has been hitting, biting, pushing, coloring on the walls, etc., keep an eye so that you can use those moments as teachable moments, rather than leave other moms feeling awkward for wanting to discipline your child.
• Discipline someone else’s child, unless you have already discussed it with the mother.  Yes – we have all been in position where you want to, but generally this is not an ideal practice.
• Leave a huge mess.  I think everyone knows that there will be a mess by the end of play group, but if your child goes Picasso with a crayon on the walls or grinds her mini-muffin into the carpet, offer to help clean it up.
• Be a negative Nancy.  Hanging with other moms can be a great place to vent about parenting frustrations – we have all been there – but play group time is for fun!  Venting is totally okay within reason, but don’t overdo it, especially with new friends.
• Judge others. This is a giant rule of parenthood, obviously, but it’s easy to forget.  In my playgroup that connected via Meetup.com, none of us knew each other before having kids.  We hail from 3 countries, we have breast and bottle fed, we have sleep trained and co-slept, we are organic eaters and McDonald’s eaters, we are SAHMs and WAHMs. Our kids are tough and sensitive, big and small, independent and clingy, quiet and loud, bold and cautious.  What do we have in common?  Well, we live within a 2 mile radius of each other.  And over the course of a year, we have found all sorts of other things that connect us.  Parenting triumphs, challenges, and the joy of entering a new stage of our children’s development together and learning from each other.  I believe it was Mother Theresa who said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”