And I’ve discovered that I love it that way.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE a clean house. In an ideal world we could hire a housekeeper that would keep my house spotless all day. I thrive on organization and order and I love knowing just where everything is. But, as a working mom of a toddler I’ve had to let some of that go. I feel like just washing dishes and doing laundry could take up every second between Little Piñata’s bedtime and mine each day, let alone the straightening up and deep cleaning that needs to be done! But over Christmas break, (that I’m lucky to have as a teacher) I realized that even when I’m home more and I do my best to be a good mom, cook and housecleaner, it’s really truly just never going to be done well.
One night over break I actually felt like I went to bed with a clean house. I was relishing the fact that there were clean dishes and floors and that all the laundry had been put away. I might have even put some meat in the refrigerator to thaw for a slow-cooker meal the next day (talk about planning ahead). But when I discovered a Lincoln Log in the bathroom and a big bouncy ball resting on the back of the entertainment center in the bonus room, it hit me: this is what I always wanted.
There is a sweet toddler boy sleeping soundly in his crib who has made a mess of my house. And I love it. I love that while he was awake that day he ran around the house, laughed, threw his balls around, dumped every new block out of its basket, spilled broccoli and cheese all over the kitchen floor during lunch and somehow managed to leave swirls of yogurt on the piano bench. And even though the house may have been clean for approximately 12 hours that night, I knew the chaos would occur the next day as well and that I would love it then too. Because I am so blessed to be a mom. And to have him as my son.
While dealing with infertility and even during the adoption wait I cried so many times about how quiet our house was. I felt like I would never hear giggles (or cries) from a child of our own in our home. Our house may have been clean, but to me, it also felt so empty.
So now, when I’m exhausted and ready for bed but the house is still a mess and dishes are piled up on the sink, I will smile. Because our home is full. Full of the love, joy, laughter and tears that only a child can bring. Sure, he brought the mess along with him that often drives my Type A personality crazy, but after all the waiting, it is oh, so worth it.
guest
Love the real, honest photos. My kitchen island looks very similar right now!
pomegranate / 3565 posts
I try to remind myself of this all the time! I’m not the most organized person by nature but now the house is just worse with a toddler! One day, I posted a video on Instagram of my son chasing his daddy. In my caption, I apologized for the mess. A friend of mine commented that she didn’t see a mess. She saw a house made a home by a little boy. That’s how I try to think of it now.
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
I love your perspective
I clean up the toys every night, but I really should give myself more of a break.
blogger / apricot / 424 posts
What a great way to look at things. I am type A person as well and put a lot of pressure on myself when the house is a disaster ( every single night! ) However any time Norah is not home, I suddenly realize how empty and quiet things are and I immediately miss my little disaster maker.
apricot / 461 posts
Love this!
blogger / persimmon / 1225 posts
such lovely perspective!
grapefruit / 4441 posts
Beautiful post!
One of my LO’s playmate’s passed away suddenly in October. Witnessing my friend’s loss has made me all the more mindful of how lucky I am to have each day with my LO. When she wakes me up or makes a mess, I no longer get annoyed. Or if I start to, I catch myself, and then thank God that I have her to wake me up or to make a mess. None of the stresses or annoyances matter as long as I have her. You are right, it is all SO worth it and I will never take it for granted.
grapefruit / 4441 posts
@Mamasig: love your friend’s comment.
grape / 78 posts
Thank you for giving me some new perspective! We shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. Being a parent is hard enough but it truly is the most fulfilling job I could ever have
cantaloupe / 6630 posts
Oh I love this!
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
@78h2o: Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry for your friends’ loss! I can’t even begin to imagine that grief. Stories like that really do put things in perspective and are such a reminder of what a gift our children are.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I loved this – such great perspective!!
@Mamasig: Oh my, I’m going to hold onto that comment forever…. so true.
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Such great perspective, especially coming from a Mom who has been through a lot like you. And it’s only temporary and not forever, right? I am SUCH a neat freak but as much as I clean and organize it’s never going to be the way I want it to be b/c either I don’t have time to get everything done in one day or my boys mess it up again within seconds. So at the end of the day it’s just mess. Our kitchen counter can never look neat or not have stuff scattered over it everyday. It’s always something. I’ve gotten used to it. I’ll just clean up if or when we have people over. Haha!
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
@erwoo: Yes, you’re so right. It’s good to have people over from time to time because it forces us to actually get the whole house picked up and clean.
cherry / 159 posts
Wow, your post touched something deep in me that I can’t even put my finger on. Made me tear up. I sure hope I am able to remind myself more of the fact that this is what I always wanted. Sure, having ds in my life has resulted in zero sleep and exhaustion, but she is what I always wanted. I am truly blessed to have her in my life
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
@scotchbonnet: Thank you so much for sharing that. It’s definitely hard for me to remember too when I just want things to magically get clean and orderly.
GOLD / coconut / 8266 posts
This post makes me feel so much better about my dirty, messy house. Thanks!