And I’ve discovered that I love it that way.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE a clean house. In an ideal world we could hire a housekeeper that would keep my house spotless all day. I thrive on organization and order and I love knowing just where everything is.  But, as a working mom of a toddler I’ve had to let some of that go. I feel like just washing dishes and doing laundry could take up every second between Little Piñata’s bedtime and mine each day, let alone the straightening up and deep cleaning that needs to be done! But over Christmas break, (that I’m lucky to have as a teacher) I realized that even when I’m home more and I do my best to be a good mom, cook and housecleaner, it’s really truly just never going to be done well.

One night over break I actually felt like I went to bed with a clean house. I was relishing the fact that there were clean dishes and floors and that all the laundry had been put away. I might have even put some meat in the refrigerator to thaw for a slow-cooker meal the next day (talk about planning ahead). But when I discovered a Lincoln Log in the bathroom and a big bouncy ball resting on the back of the entertainment center in the bonus room, it hit me: this is what I always wanted.

There is a sweet toddler boy sleeping soundly in his crib who has made a mess of my house. And I love it. I love that while he was awake that day he ran around the house, laughed, threw his balls around, dumped every new block out of its basket, spilled broccoli and cheese all over the kitchen floor during lunch and somehow managed to leave swirls of yogurt on the piano bench. And even though the house may have been clean for approximately 12 hours that night, I knew the chaos would occur the next day as well and that I would love it then too. Because I am so blessed to be a mom. And to have him as my son.

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While dealing with infertility and even during the adoption wait I cried so many times about how quiet our house was. I felt like I would never hear giggles (or cries) from a child of our own in our home. Our house may have been clean, but to me, it also felt so empty.

So now, when I’m exhausted and ready for bed but the house is still a mess and dishes are piled up on the sink, I will smile. Because our home is full. Full of the love, joy, laughter and tears that only a child can bring. Sure, he brought the mess along with him that often drives my Type A personality crazy, but after all the waiting, it is oh, so worth it.