I recently read a parenting article somewhere (and of course, I have no clue of the source – sorry!) that basically said instead of approaching something with your child from a negative place, do it from a positive place. In my head I say “duh,” but truthfully it’s very, very easy to say, “Don’t throw that,” “Stop running,” “No more yelling,” etc. Because, well, children are constantly learning limits and the difference between good and bad behavior. So it’s second nature to constantly try and correct their behavior.

But now I am quick to rephrase things in my head before speaking aloud. For example:

“Don’t throw that,” is now “I like it when you keep your toy on the table.”

“Stop running,” is now “I like it when you walk slowly.”

“No more yelling,” is now “It’s nice when we use our quiet voices in the house.”

It’s so easy to place a positive spin on how you phrase things, and by saying “I like it” or “It’s nice” your LO is hearing what makes you happy, which is much better than talking about things that make you unhappy. And quite honestly, constantly saying “Stop/Don’t/Quit” is a downer for the parent as much as for the child!

Along the same lines, we are working really hard at table manners. Miss H frequently is trying to pick up her plate, toss her cup, throw food, and lean her body over the side of her high chair. Since we’re eating meals together, I can easily demonstrate how I do things, such as:

ADVERTISEMENT

“See how nicely mommy pick up her cup, drinks, and sets it down?”

“Mommy doesn’t pick up her plate. Mommy keeps her plate nicely on the placemat.”

“Mommy is sitting up nice and straight in her chair. Can you sit up straight like mommy?”

It sounds absolutely silly writing it out, but it works! Miss H is always watching me closely, so helping her to understand that how I eat/sit/drink at the table is the nice way to do things encourages her to eat/sit/drink the same way. Since she is always quick to copy what I do, I may as well encourage her to copy my good table manners!

We made strawberry popsicles this weekend (an early Valentine’s Day gift for Miss H):

To keep our table/rug/curtains from being covered in strawberry popsicle, my “positive mommy” self was in full force. I was also eating a popsicle, so I was able to show Miss H how you eat a popsicle (which turns out isn’t intuitive, as she was borderline scared of the popsicle at first), and telling her how I liked it when she licked the popsicle to encourage to stop turning the popsicle upside down on the table. Each and every time she had the popsicle – it took her three sittings to finish it – she got better and better about eating it instead of playing with it.

Of course, life with a toddler isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and I know you can’t be oozing positivity all the time. But when it comes to the little stuff, I would much rather stay positive and upbeat instead of grouchy and negative.

Do you ever approach parenting in this manner? If not, I challenge you to try!