When your “first baby” is actually two or more babies, I have a theory that you are instantly transported to a no-man’s land where only other moms who had multiples first will ever live.  Let me take you on a little tour of the land of First-Time Twin Parents.

You get that positive pregnancy test and are thrilled and terrified just like most other women who get their first positive test.  You go to your first ultrasound, and BAM!  Twins.  Even with this bombshell dropped, your pregnancy proceeds similarly to any other first-time mom who’s high risk.  Sure, you have extra appointments, higher risk, and maybe a tougher pregnancy, but at the base of it, you’re just like every other soon-to-be mom.  You read voraciously about what to expect each month, about labor and delivery, about baby sleep, etc.  You google odd symptoms to make sure everything is okay.  You go to a lovely shower thrown by all your excited friends and family. You dream and wonder about who these little babies will be.

Then your little ones arrive, and you are suddenly a parent, but not just to your “first” child.  You are a mother of two children, who have different personalities, different wants, different needs, and different health issues.  You skip right over having one baby who is your universe, who is your sole worry, your sole focus.  You have lots of first-time mom worries, like how you’ll know if they’re teething, if your breastfeeding positioning is right, if formula is okay to give, and if this color of poo means something is terribly wrong.  At the same time, you’re simultaneously being that first-time mom to two babies, so you have to juggle two children’s needs, chase two children around, and consider what’s best for both of them, just like other moms of two kids do.

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You likely skip a few first-time parent experiences and worries because you just don’t have time or energy since you have two babies to deal with.  For example, last pacifier drops on the ground?  Rather than searching for a place to immediately wash it off, your mind goes through a one second analysis of what kind of floor it dropped on.  Floor at home?  No second thoughts, just pop it back in.  Dropped on the grass outside?  Wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.  Dropped on the bathroom floor at Walmart?  Think for one extra second and then just toss it; your kid can suck on a random object from your diaper bag or do without.  They’ll survive until you get home.

Your voracious reading from pregnancy has been exchanged for catching a few minutes of sleep, so you’re not 100% up on when your kid should be hitting milestones, when to introduce certain things, etc. but you have a rough idea.  And logging every meal, snooze, or diaper in an app for tracking?  Yeah, that stopped happening after the first week.  You just have to wing it at the pediatrician when they ask how many ounces a day your babies are drinking.

In so many ways, you don’t feel like a first-time mom.  You’ve figured out that every baby is different and things that work on one won’t work on the other.   You’ve bypassed lots of first-time mom behaviors and jumped right to acting like a veteran mom on lots of issues.  You’ve learned complex parenting maneuvers, like how to grocery shop with two.  While in some ways, you absolutely feel like a first-time mom, you don’t entirely “fit” with other first-time moms.

On the other hand, you don’t really fit with second-time moms either.  You see them worry about if Baby #1 will adjust okay to having a sibling.  You never had to worry about that because none of your children have ever been an only child.  People ask questions about what it’s like to have a newborn and toddler.  You have no idea, but suddenly have nightmares of having a newborn and TWO toddlers.  Moms of two mention recognizing a certain stage hitting because their first baby did the same thing.  You don’t get that feeling.  Every new stage is still new for you.  You can’t weigh in on what it’s like to worry about if your first born will adjust to a sibling okay because your first born only had a minute or two before he had to adjust to a sibling.  While second-time moms seem so comfortable in their mommy skin, you’re not totally there because you’re still dealing with new things at each stage.

You don’t really fit 100% with brand new moms and you don’t really fit with moms of two or more.  You’re just in No Man’s Land.

Ever feel like you don’t really fit with any group of mommies?